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Struggling with my boyfriend 😔

(11 Posts)
Talia98c Wed 23-May-18 02:55:11

Hi I'm new here and really don't know what to do, me and and partner have been having trouble for a while now we have a 7mo little girl and I'm wanting the best for her. I feel on eggs shells constantly I never know what mood he is gonna be in and sometime he doesn't realise how he is speaking to me. He can be quite nasty but I don't do anything to cause it it's always him upsetting me knowingly or upsetting me and not realising what's he's done then thinking I'm in a mood for no reason. I wont argue with him when I have my daughter as I'm not going to scare her it's not fair. He's really nasty how he speaks to me can be very aggressive and we have had talks about it he says he will change but never does and I'm at the point where I'm no longer angry just sad all the time.

Like I look after our daughter who can be very demanding and clingy at times, try to keep on top of the house work but struggle and when I ask him to help or to take baby he says well I've been at work all day. So have I 😡 all night and all day all I want is help but its like pulling teeth I feel like a single parent. All this building up and I don't know if i can take anymore 😢 he will come home and say how the house isn't tidy yet I've been trying my best and he will say it can't be that hard yet he will sit and show me videos of him and work mates messing about most days or say how it wasn't busy today he's a mechanic in a privately owned garage. Some days I havnt had time to eat of even finish a coffee as sometime she doesn't nap for long, but it could have taken me hours to get her to go to sleep. I'm so tired and drained.

Like he calls me a c**t when he's mad, he's damaging things in the house thankfully my little girl hasn't been in the house at the time. On my birthday we were having a few drinks out and my cousin kissed my cheek and he told me he hated me and I'm lucky he never hit us both then tried apologising and I tried walking away and he dragged me about and pushed me against the wall and in quite an aggressive tone kept saying I told u I was joking.

He's like jackle and Hyde he's horrible then normal again and expects me to act like it's not happened.

Feeling really stuck and down, I'm not scared of him or anything but I'm feeling really crappy

Sorry for going on
Any advise
Thank you xx

Copperbonnet Wed 23-May-18 02:58:33

He threatened to hit you because your cousin kissed your cheek?


If you were my daughter I’d want you away and safe.

sprinks Wed 23-May-18 03:01:22

For you and your daughters sake you need to get out. If he can do this to you he could do it to her.

No one should be living their life on eggshells never knowing if something you say may cause an argument.

Yes, it will be hard but you will be so much happier in the long run.

Have you got a good support network around you? Family and friends? They will be your biggest saviour in this.


Talia98c Wed 23-May-18 03:03:52

@sprinks yes I do my mam is very supportive but sometimes I feel I have no one to talk to as my mam is one of those people who are very firey and can blow things out of proportion and make it worse but she is always there for me x

IlikemyTeahot Wed 23-May-18 03:25:35

I would advise you to leave/kick out this abusive bastard. Better to be a single mum than to have your baby girl grow up thinking this is normal. Better to do it alone than for you to start thinking this is normal.
A lot of people are worried about going it alone but you'll feel better not having to stress about getting everything right to please that cockhead...his behaviour and treatment of you is not acceptable and you know that.
You and your baby deserve to live in peace otherwise you'll probably end up an anxious wreck who just puts up and shuts up because she can't be arsed.
You deserve so much better than that.

Keep your daughter in mind as motivation, remind yourself removing him is what's best for her. Any feelings you have for him will have to be put aside at this point. And don't worry about the father/daughter relationship (there's contact centres for that)
One day your girl will see/hear something and that will be very damaging.
I only hope he won't vent at her when she doesn't do what he wants or makes mistakes.
Dropping him is her best chance at a normal childhood he will only get worse as she gets older. I feek when she goes to school and you have free time or go to work he will completely change his expectations of you and amp his control up to the next level. This situation is not going to get better until he's out.

Please take care to name change and keep clearing your browser history and if possible lock your phone (if he's gonna be an arse about that then say it's to prevent pocket dialling or something.
Do you have family you can talk to about this? Just by what you've written I feel he won't make easy to break free.

Make sure he doesnt find your posts seriously I'm sat here worrying about you. Pls keep your phone to hand maybe get a recording app to use as evidence if you must and assign some reliable people to your speed dial (give them a heads up if you feel you're able to x)
The dragging and pushing you against walls is just as bad as if he had hit you...If it happens again call the police/ or dial anyone in your phonebook immediately.

Some wiser and more experienced mumsnetters will be along soon to offer you some more practical advice on safely removing this scumsucking genital wart of a 'man' from your life.
Take care flowers xx

AltheaorDonna Wed 23-May-18 04:02:27

Please dump him, he sounds like a complete arsehole. Do it for yourself and your daughter's sake before he actually does hit one of you.

sprinks Thu 24-May-18 11:25:02

@Talia98c I know the feeling very well! My mum is the same. If you ever want someone to talk to private message me. I've been in the situation before and it's so important to talk and let it out smile

hellsbellsmelons Thu 24-May-18 12:06:13

He is abusive - In many ways!
Please have a chat with Womens Aid - 0808 2000 247
They can help you see this for what it is.
But he's is emotionally, verbally, physically and probably financially abusing you.
That's nearly a full house right there.

All abusers are like Jekyll and Hyde.
How else would they keep their 'victims'? You'd have run a mile if he was horrible ALL of the time.
But they dangle the 'nice' carrot enough to keep you hooked.

Now I'm assuming you are young.
So you cannot waste your life with an abusive bully.
It's not good for you and certainly won't be any good for your DD.
She will do as you have done and chose an abusive partner as this is her normal.
He WILL get worse so you need to make your exit plan a safe one.

Google - The nice nasty cycle of abuse.
If you can do some reading then please read - Lundy Bancroft, Why does he do that?
But initially Womens Aid can help.
They are very busy so keep trying them.
Talk to people in real life about this.
Hopefully you will get some help and support to get away from him.

springydaff Thu 24-May-18 17:04:42

Call your local Women's Aid if you can't get through on the helpline.

Do call them, Talia flowers

SingleDingle Thu 24-May-18 18:19:48

@Talia98c This is no way to live, it really isn’t. He’s not good enough for you, or anyone.

I know it’s hard, but picture where you want to be in 2 years when your daughter is more alert to this? You can get out of this, and, in time, experience what it is to be with someone who actually loves and respects you. This man does not. He just thinks he’s owns you and that is far from the same thing.

You sound like a lovely, good mum, Talia. Don’t let him wear you down and undo the hard work you’re putting into your daughters upbringing by exposing her to this awful atmosphere.


Wellfuckmeinbothears Thu 24-May-18 18:23:48

You need to take your daughter and leave. Go to your mums.

I hope you don’t mind me asking but does he use drugs or drink excessively?

He isn’t safe to be around you or your baby.

Please please leave. You can do this flowers

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