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Am I in the wrong?

(15 Posts)
Anon55 Tue 22-May-18 22:54:29

New to all of this so excuse me if I make mistakes or I’ve posted in the wrong place. I’ve been married for nearly 25 yrs and we have two children (11 & 13). I do love my DH very much, but have built up a heck of a lot of resentment over the years. We lived over seas for many years but the kids and I moved back a couple of years ago, but my DH works overseas and supports us here. Over the last few years he has criticised me excessively, some of it valid but I think it hurt our relationship a lot. My DH and I have had a lot of sexual experiences through our relationship, and I often felt that I did certain things to please him. Then when we were moving here he keeps on saying you don’t bring anything to the table, your prudish, I can’t have a conversation with you, basically that I’ve turned into a bitch. He says he is an honest guy which I believe but he is often brutally honest and doesn’t hide the fact that he’s always looking at pics of women on the internet. I’ve never had the guts to go on a forum but have recently been so uncertain about everything. DH joined seeking arrangement which is a sugar daddy site, I found out because I had an sms to my phone stating whether I wanted to pay the subscription, I agreed to pay it and also the next months. I figured ok he’s alone there so maybe he just needs to talk to someone as I was having a few issues at the time and felt like I couldn’t be there for him emotionally. So I told him hecould chat as long as i wouldn’t find out about it. Thing is I thought it would be a few exchanges with a few girls, but I found out later that he’s been emailing, texting and chatting on the phone to one of them to great lengths (basically he doesn’t try that hard to hide it). The thing that irrated me the most was when he sent her £300 over PayPal. He said it was to pay for their communication over the past couple of months, as he was going through a rough patch and I was having my own issues. So now we’ve fallen out and close to divorce.

category12 Tue 22-May-18 23:06:12

Um, of course he was going to spend money if it's a sugar daddy site.

Newydd1 Tue 22-May-18 23:07:56

No u are nor in the wrong. How would he like it if it was the other way around.

sadiesnakes Tue 22-May-18 23:10:38

A sugar daddy site is where sad older men join and target young girls 18+ and basically pay them for nude pictures, sexy chat online etc. Young girls offer this as a way to basically fund their lifestyles, college fee's, nice clothes, etc. So of course your going to see your husband sending substantial amounts of money to these girls, as you have agreed to him joining. Why on earth have you agreed to this? I don't really know what advice you are looking for here OP? You are allowing him to walk all over you and you are actually paying for it?confused

Fourteenth Tue 22-May-18 23:11:02

He's taking advantage.

KirstenRaymonde Tue 22-May-18 23:11:21

The purpose of these sites is men pay for girls time and attention, it’s not a chat site. The arrangement being sought is a financial one.

This isn’t how people treat someone they love and are married to. Does he want to stay married? Because if so he can’t carry on talking to and paying for other women. Is there a plan for him to return to the UK?

category12 Tue 22-May-18 23:15:45

I mean, in the sense that he's a nasty bastard, you're not in the wrong - he's critical and horrid to you under the guise of "honesty". And you should divorce him over that, if anything.

But the sugar daddy site is, um, an unusual situation because you agreed to him using the site and even paid the subscription, but you're unhappy that he's using it more/spending more than you expected.

Thewhale2903 Tue 22-May-18 23:18:53

I am so sorry your hisbandbis doing this Do you. As someone has already saidheis walking all over you and for a man to do whatever doing is quite frankly disgusting and appalling that he has carried on after you finding out and you feelinglike you had to agree to this. What ever itisyou were dealing with emotionally did he not try to help you though it?
I would divorce him and be done with it.
I dont know what your husband was like when you first met him but it seems he has turned into a selfish, sleazy old man

Thewhale2903 Tue 22-May-18 23:20:29

Sorry about all the mistakes. Phone cover!

Sparkles1992 Tue 22-May-18 23:26:54

This is crazy! Why on earth would you agree to it and to fund it confused you must be extremely laid back. I would not be ok with this. You're both in the wrong in my opinion, of course you're going to get hurt by allowing this behaviour in your marriage

SandyY2K Tue 22-May-18 23:30:41

A sugar daddy doesn't just talk OP. If all he was doing is talking you'd be enough for him.

He's pretty much got you to accept a one sided open marriage. To the point you're paying his subscription. Then using monet for your family on his sugar babies.

This won't end well for you.

When he says you bring nothing to the table...in what sense? Money?

Have you been a trailing spouse and he's the only earner?

JeanLouiseAKAScout Wed 23-May-18 06:42:58

When you say you've done certain things to please him, what's that?

AnyFucker Wed 23-May-18 06:49:39

Seriously ?

category12 Wed 23-May-18 06:50:39

You keep saying that, AF. grin

Soundsgood Wed 23-May-18 06:54:18

Remortgage quick.

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