Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Boyfriend on vacation issues - am I overthinking?

(42 Posts)
Poppybear123 Mon 21-May-18 21:21:03

First post and I’m going to try keep this to the point as possible - apologies in advance!

My boyfriend (25) (I'm 24F) of 8 months is currently on a party capital vacation including brother and sister with him and then a few other lads, he will be back on Wednesday as the trip was 7 days.

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday I received check in texts / goodnight/ morning that type of thing which I was fine with. I’ve let him get on to enjoy it. However Saturday we were having a back and fourth conversation about what we had been up to and then all of a sudden I was ignored. As in, he was going on WhatsApp semi-regularly after that and not actually reading the message. Honestly I felt a bit low in the evening about this and sent a soppy text to say I was missing him. Again he went on WhatsApp later and not read. So then I deleted the message from WhatsApp as I felt a bit silly.

Fast forward to Sunday (yesterday 2pm) I receive a text to apologise for the delay however they had all been on a 24 drinking binge and asking what my deleted text said. I replied back last night 8pm ish and the message was read at 10pm but again he had been on WhatsApp numerous this morning. Then received a text from him this afternoon around 1pm staying what he had been up to and he misses me can’t wait to see me.

So to finally get to the point, I have (and I feel semi ashamed) played him at his own game, been on WhatsApp this afternoon and not read his message. (Funny enough just received a text message stating he had a cold sore)!

My questions are: given the circumstances that he is on holiday - I should relax the situation with the texting and deal with this when he gets back in a couple of days? Stop overthinking this whole thing?

Or do you think I have a right to be pissed off? My plan is to hold off replying and reading his last message until tomorrow morning (this will be difficult for me I admit).

I’m just generally really confused! He has been an amazing boyfriend up until now and I am hoping this is a glitch and everything will resume back to normal when he is back.

What would you do In this situation? And sorry for the rant !!! I feel stupid highlighting all these times the messages were sent etc but i appreciate your time ! X

Thingsdogetbetter Mon 21-May-18 21:29:59

Do not play games. Games are for children. He's on holiday and it's only been a couple of days of non-constant immediate contact. He hasn't vanished, he's keeping in touch but is getting on with having fun. Stop obsessing and checking. Put the phone down, step away and go out and have some fun yourself!

Keeptellingmyselfitsaphase Mon 21-May-18 21:30:23

My dp does this sometimes when he is out drinking. He's out with his mates and isnt on his phone all the time. He might have thought to reply later, maybe away from his mates in toilet and forgot.... I do this.

I honestly wouldn't read into it. I was like this early in our relationship. I was a bit immature i think i grew in confidence with the relationship. He is very level headed although he rarely drinks now.

Honestly its fine and normal but your reason for worry isn't normal x

Changedname3456 Mon 21-May-18 23:47:04

God, give him a break! There’s nothing less attractive than an overly clingy partner (of either sex).

bonnyshide Mon 21-May-18 23:50:28

You sound like hard work.

MinorRSole Mon 21-May-18 23:54:13

There are loads of reasons to ignore some messages and not others, normally I order them by sense of urgency so a friend messaging about where we are meeting would get a response but a message from dh would be left as I'm technically busy if that makes sense.
I'm a very lax texter though and sometimes forget to reply altogether so I may not be the best judge

MrsTerryPratchett Mon 21-May-18 23:58:32

As in, he was going on WhatsApp semi-regularly after that and not actually reading the message.

This is why SM is dreadful. Is it delivered? Is it read? Did they ignore me? Am I being ignored?

He's on holiday. Say, "have a good time" and see him in a week.

AmazingPostVoices Tue 22-May-18 00:03:50

He’s on holiday with friends. It would be incredibly rude to spend the entire evening checking his phone in case his (needy) girlfriend sent a message.

Do you sit at dinner with friends texting back and forth with your boyfriend ignoring your friends? hmm

Iflyaway Tue 22-May-18 00:10:37

Get onto solo travelling. Will make you so much happier without that shit baggage

spatchcock Tue 22-May-18 00:42:16

"He’s on holiday with friends. It would be incredibly rude to spend the entire evening checking his phone in case his (needy) girlfriend sent a message."

Yep. Give him some space, and stop overanalysing.

Sparkles1992 Tue 22-May-18 00:46:58

I would prob be wondering why he wasn't reading my msgs but reading others, but he's prob sleeping at all crazy times and drinking a lot, not keeping track of time etc..

At 8 months in I definitely wouldn't have been bothered, if he's a good bf like you say he is and all is well am sure hel make it up to you when he's home smile

Poppybear123 Tue 22-May-18 01:29:47

My issue isn't with him not constantly texting me, I was expecting that before he went away and I was actually looking forward to the peace and quiet in that sense. We are also not the constantly texting back and fourth type at home either however we don't ignore each other like this normally.

I was merely pointing out that the fact it got me a bit down to see that my messages were being ignored and I was asking for advice on whether I should just let it go or mention something. I did think I was probably over thinking 😊. I just wanted a bit of reassurance.

Some people like to receive a quick hi or bye text, and I don't there's anything needy about that at all IMO.

Thanks for all responses. Much appreciated xx

Sparkles1992 Tue 22-May-18 01:31:45

I don't think you're post was needy smile

Monty27 Tue 22-May-18 01:33:59

He's on holiday op. And you sound very insecure. How do you expect him to be constantly giving you updates on what he's doing. A) it's rude to do this in company B) how's he supposed to be enjoying his holiday whilst glued to the phone answering your enquiries.
Step back

AmazingPostVoices Tue 22-May-18 01:42:48

Poppy I’m genuinely not meaning to have a go but reread your last post, it’s really contradictory.

You don’t mind him not texting back and forth. You are looking forward to peace on that front.

But you are also upset that he is “ignoring” your texts.

Those two positions are in conflict, surely?

HappyLollipop Tue 22-May-18 01:44:44

He's on holiday let him enjoy it, as long as he contacts you at least once a day to check in then he's not ignoring you just busy having fun. Stop obsessing and enjoy your mini break away from him too he'll be back before you know it!

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 22-May-18 03:06:53

"Like to receive" a text? Fine and not needy.

Not getting a text affects your mood and you start playing games? Needy.

Just enjoy your time.

MadeForThis Tue 22-May-18 03:42:23

I understand what you mean. He is using his phone. He is live on whatsapp he just isn't reading your message.

He is maybe quickly arranging where to meet etc. It isn't a reflection on your relationship.

By all means talk about it when he gets home but unless you normally expect an immediate response he is probably just busy having fun. And maybe just wants to catch up with you later.

RLOU88 Tue 22-May-18 04:10:00

I understand Poppy and don’t think your post came across needy, it’s because he keeps going online and not feeding your messages, not that he isn’t messaging in the first place. I would probably rather he not start a conversation than start one and ignore. I wouldn’t play any games though x just reply as normal as and when and I’m sure things will be fine when he is home!

AmazingPostVoices Tue 22-May-18 04:16:03

But he could be online messaging others where to meet up, sending them pictures etc.

Does the fact he’s online for one reason mean he’s forced to respond to every other message he might have received that evening too? confused

I’m online now, does that mean I should respond to every unanswered email I have before logging off? I don’t think so.

RLOU88 Tue 22-May-18 04:19:25

No, obviously not, Amazing. It’s about the wondering why and I understand why she is wondering. I didn’t find her post needy at all and didn’t think she needed shooting down. At 24 in a new relationship you have these doubts.

AmazingPostVoices Tue 22-May-18 04:26:11

RLOU I’m not shooting her down. I’m providing an alternative perspective.

BedtimeTea Tue 22-May-18 05:12:51

I guess he knows if anything important came up you would phone him or text him? Try to not worry.

RLOU88 Tue 22-May-18 05:55:28

Apologies, Amazing I didn’t think you were shooting her down. I was referring to the PP telling her she sounds like hard work etc.

KatnissK Tue 22-May-18 06:14:40

I wouldn't worry OP - he is contacting you here and there and it's only a week. Would you want to have to "check in" with him all the time if you were away with your friends? Also adding alcohol into the mix never helps - my DH was out at the weekend and swore he'd been messaging me the whole time (I was at home) - turned out he'd been facebook messaging a random band on Facebook thinking it was me, even saying 'I love you' with loads of kisses. I thought it was hilarious when he found the messages! Anyway, point is, when drunk, people are not reliable texters even when they think they are!!

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: