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How much time to give?

(14 Posts)
WhiteDog Tue 24-Apr-18 03:33:31

I had a falling out with someone dear to me in January and there was a lot of hurt on both sides. We saw each other by accident on the weekend and they suggested catching up again next week properly. They messaged later and said they need more time to think about it. I replied take your time, I’m here if you want to start from the start again etc but then as an afterthought asked them to please let me know either way and I respect whatever they decide. They replied that they would.

It’s been a couple of days now and I was wondering how long until silence means ‘I don’t want to see you again’?

runningintothelight Tue 24-Apr-18 03:39:13

I fell out with someone this time last year and we only just met up for the first time again.

Leave them be, they'll either come back or they won't . Some people need more time than others

Angelf1sh Tue 24-Apr-18 05:13:19

If I were you, I’d assume it’s a no (so that you can switch your brain off and stop wondering what will happen) and move on. If they ever do get back in touch then you can decide what you want to do then. Don’t wait around for it though and don’t write again.

Smeddum Tue 24-Apr-18 05:51:03

For your own sake I’d assume it a no. By not letting you know they’ve been very manipulative and selfish. Either they want to sort it out or they don’t, but leaving you hanging isn’t fair.

frasier Tue 24-Apr-18 05:57:26

It seems rather mean of them to say one thing and then another and then leave you hanging. For the sake of your stress levels I would assumed they dont want to get in touch and just get on with your life. Don’t let someone have this hold over you.

CherryBlossomSeason Tue 24-Apr-18 06:06:03

Time for them might be a week, a month.... You've gone this long not talking so two days to them but feel like a drop in the ocean.

For peace of mind start assuming it's a no and do whatever you need to do so you're distracted.

MrsDilber Tue 24-Apr-18 07:06:17

This really sucks. I'd try and move on from it, you've held out the olive branch, the ball is in their corner (sorry for The cliches). Don't waste time worrying about it now.

WhiteDog Tue 24-Apr-18 07:40:05

Thanks for the advice.

I'm actually really hurt and feel really exposed.

ShatnersWig Tue 24-Apr-18 07:44:35

By not letting you know they’ve been very manipulative and selfish. Either they want to sort it out or they don’t, but leaving you hanging isn’t fair.

It's only been according to the OP a couple of days. I don't see where the OP said "but let me know either way by Tuesday morning or I'll assume that's it then".

Smeddum Tue 24-Apr-18 07:49:51

It's only been according to the OP a couple of days. I don't see where the OP said "but let me know either way by Tuesday morning or I'll assume that's it then"

Well no, but in a situation where emotions are running high and there’s a friendship at stake, the decent thing to do would be to say one way or another without dragging it out. That smacks of petulance.

ShatnersWig Tue 24-Apr-18 08:04:19

Smeddum One person's dragging it out is another person's reasonable thinking time, though, isn't it? One person's small slight is another person's wound to the heart. We don't all see things the same way or get over things in the same length of time.

As for "dragging it out" one assumes that the OP and her friend hadn't seen or spoken to each other since the falling out in January until this accidental meeting this month. Emotions running high? Friendship at stake? Presumably the OP hadn't been in touch with her friend for the best part of three months. If you say the friend is dragging things out now, you can't say the OP hasn't done the same by ignoring it for that length of time.

Smeddum Tue 24-Apr-18 08:09:50

Fair enough. I’d just give it up as a bad job and walk away in that case if I was OP.

WhiteDog Tue 24-Apr-18 08:12:13

Emotions are running high and the friendship does feel at stake to me as I feel like I put myself out there with my olive branch. I get socially anxious and they know this. That’s why I wanted to post as I didn’t want to lose perspective

Smeddum Tue 24-Apr-18 08:13:22

@WhiteDog if it’s causing you this much stress OP, do whatever minimises stress for you.

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