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Is feeling special on your birthday too much to ask?

(52 Posts)
peanutbutterbanana1 Mon 23-Apr-18 23:09:31

Hi,
First post on here....
Feeling pretty down, got cards from DH, and DC’s but they didn’t have time to get me anything....which I don’t really mind so much but a bit of effort wouldn’t go a miss. Trying to make me feel like today is different from another day. Like spending time together?? Or are Birthdays just for kids and I need to let it go?
Thanks

DancingLedge Mon 23-Apr-18 23:14:45

Happy Birthdayflowersginwine

peanutbutterbanana1 Mon 23-Apr-18 23:17:10

Thanks 😊

BackforGood Mon 23-Apr-18 23:20:50

I would be disappointed if none of dc nor dh had got me anything, although that said, I do have lists available before my birthday grin
I will also arrange a meal out, or a BBQ or something, to mark my day. That way, we get to do what I want for my birthday.

SleepingStandingUp Mon 23-Apr-18 23:21:13

You'll get told yabu, be grateful they got you a card because "I've not had a card for anything since I was 3" etc but you're not. We should make people we love feel special and try and make the things that matter to them important to us

peanutbutterbanana1 Mon 23-Apr-18 23:24:21

Thanks, I made it clear to my DH that I wasn’t happy and he has done nothing to try and make me feel better. Just gone off to bed and left me alone. Saying oh we did try.....but really they just all did as they pleased like always. 😡

OceanNJ Mon 23-Apr-18 23:38:44

You're not being unreasonable. It's very easy to buy things these days that will come the next day. Not saying that to make you feel worse, but I think it refutes their excuse of not having enough time.

You deserve to feel special thanks

Cricrichan Mon 23-Apr-18 23:39:22

Yanbu. Especially with the amount of time, money and effort you make for them all.

Cricrichan Mon 23-Apr-18 23:39:55

Happy birthday! smile

overduemamma Mon 23-Apr-18 23:41:31

Happy birthday!! This was the same for me and Mother's Day. Just a card nothing else.. that's exactly what'll be happening on Father's Day x

zzzzz Mon 23-Apr-18 23:43:25

They should do more if it makes you sad, but I find Birthdays not that important any more.
Happy Birthday. Tell them it made you sad and give them a chance to make it better.

Thisimmortalcurl Mon 23-Apr-18 23:45:20

Well you did mind that they didn’t get you a present and so would I !
I really find it bullshit , people know all year when your birthday is .
My DH used to do this to me, rush out and get me something on the day so I didn’t have stuff to wake up too .
It took very clear words that nobody else in our family off five had this .. why because I buy / wrap / blow up the balloons for them all to have a nice birthday wake up and I would like that to thanks !
I get it now , but I just think he didn’t think until I said how much it upset me .
I do though ensure that I book a meal or make a plan to ensure that it’s a special day as well .

peanutbutterbanana1 Mon 23-Apr-18 23:45:30

I do feel rubbish. Even the lack of presents I didn’t mind so much with the thought that maybe we’d spend time together. But that didn’t happen. Just fed up of it really not the first birthday/Mother’s Day this has happened. Makes me not want to bother with theirs. 😢 but I know I will, because I love making them feel special on their days x

Thisimmortalcurl Mon 23-Apr-18 23:45:39

Oh and happy birthday!

peanutbutterbanana1 Mon 23-Apr-18 23:48:54

Even DH ‘s family, I’m the one who makes sure they have cards etc.... maybe a firm word like you said mortalcurl it does bother me. I’ll give them a chance to make it up to me but when that doesn’t happen....which I doubt it will what then?

peanutbutterbanana1 Mon 23-Apr-18 23:49:15

Thanks for the happy birthdays 👍😊

MyKingdomForBrie Mon 23-Apr-18 23:49:27

I set my expectations out clearly beforehand for DH because he can be a bit hit and miss, I find it so much easier to just check a few days before that he’s clear on what day it is and that he knows I will be doing nothing except being waited on for the day and wanted a nice day out! That way I’m not sad and he doesn’t have to feel bad that he’s been disorganised.

It’s not ideal but it’s realistic. He has other strengths!

Thisimmortalcurl Mon 23-Apr-18 23:49:38

It’s bloody annoying Peanut and exactly how I felt. Why put time and effort in when you don’t get it back . The guilt and the want to make it special always made me do it . Honestly it took a lot to get it into my husbands head that it really upset me that the effort was lacking .
Can you announce tomorrow that it’s a takeaway/ movie night in honour off you ?
I just turned 40 and made it last two weeks 😂

mostlymindblown Mon 23-Apr-18 23:55:52

Happy birthday OP! 🎂

It's not too much to ask and it really is a bit shit when the only way to ensure something thoughtful happens on your birthday is when the thought has to come from you!

I feel your pain after having a similar experience the last few years but I have decided I am going to make it up to myself by arranging something fun with some friends who actually do appreciate me!

llangennith Mon 23-Apr-18 23:56:05

Happy Birthday OP.
My birthday is just before Xmas and ex-h used to say that it was difficult to get nice cards or book anywhere because “it’s so close to Xmas”. My reply was “well buy my card and book us a table in January for next December then”.
After that first year I celebrated my birthday with friends having made plans well in advance. He and I divorced a few years later.

mostlymindblown Mon 23-Apr-18 23:57:15

Thisimmortalcurl has some ideas for a good start grin

peanutbutterbanana1 Mon 23-Apr-18 23:57:36

I will try. I’ll mention it in the morning. It just makes me feel selfish as he doesn’t expect anything on his birthday as they don’t really mean much to him for some reason.
Actually I think your right DH put no effort into any anniversary....the ten year one hurt quite a bit so I made it very clear number 11 had to make up for it and it did. Just hate the fact I have to spell it out.

peanutbutterbanana1 Tue 24-Apr-18 00:00:16

Mostlymindblown and llangennith good ideas....when I plan something with friends he’ll soon get the message 🤣

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey Tue 24-Apr-18 00:00:43

Just seen/opened your post - "Happy Birthday"flowerscakewine

peanutbutterbanana1 Tue 24-Apr-18 00:01:35

Thanks for your replies everyone find it hard to sleep when I’m upset but feeling a bit better now x smile

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