Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Can't get women even to look at me!!!!

(71 Posts)
Friarman Mon 23-Apr-18 21:16:18

Hi,I was told to lose weight because of diabetes.Over the last couple of months I have lost 4st (started at 18st and down to 14 and hope to get to 12st).I now can fit into a 32'' waist which last fitted in approx 10 years ago.
The problem is that I look older and when go into bars at the weekend,I can't get anyone to dance far less dates.I'm 49 now and feel is it over?..

I have always had weight probs since I was a kid.l had two siblings when younger and both died very young (both less than 1 year old ) so for me,my dear mum fed me up as she was worried that anything would happen to me.I left high school at 18st at 16 so my weight has yoyoed for years.I also lost 9st at 28 by running and limiting what food I have eaten.

Any advice is much appreciated,and also anything to get rid of wrinkles..

ScreamingValenta Mon 23-Apr-18 21:25:50

Firstly, well done on your weight loss - I hope you can continue on the journey to a healthy weight. Great achievement so far!

You seem to be convinced that it's your 'old' appearance that's a barrier to socialising with women - a few things to consider here:

- Did you have more success when you were younger? If so, what did you actually do differently - were you more confident?
- Are you trying to mix with women of your own age, or younger women? It's stating the obvious, but women in your own age bracket are less likely to see you as being too old for them.

It does sound as though this might be a confidence issue rather than an appearance issue.

Are bars the best place for you to meet people - do you have any hobbies that might be a better route to meeting like-minded women?

As for getting rid of wrinkles ... if I could answer that one I'd be a millionaire by now! Keeping hydrated and using a moisturiser will help, but there's no magic wand short of surgical intervention.

2018Anon Mon 23-Apr-18 22:21:00

You sound like a lovely man and there are plenty of genuine women out there who are more interesting in meeting a lovely decent man, than one who looks like George Clooney. Have you tried Online dating? I know this can be a minefield but it gives you the chance to chat to women before meeting them, so you don't have to worry about them not liking your appearance. I do think its your own confidence that is the issue anyway, not your actual appearance. Meeting in bars isn't the best way to meet women either to be honest.
Keep going with the healthy eating and exercise and get yourself to a place where you love yourself, and hopefully the rest will follow.

dirtybadger Mon 23-Apr-18 22:28:56

You have obviously taken up a healthier lifestyle. Congrats on your progress. Have you taken up any new exercise? Long term it seems sensible to search for someone who is going to understand your previous issues with weight, and your need to continue on the path you are now on. For your health. So I think a bar is probably a bad place to meet that woman. Even if there are far fewer to choose from, you are much more likely to be compatible with someone at an exercise class, slimming group (if you are using one or think it would help- cant say I rate them personally), or a local walking for fitness group or something. Find something you would like to try (cooking classes? Also useful for your journey), and where finding a partner may be a bonus.

Your appearance is unlikely to be an issue. Unless you have unreasonable expectations in terms of their appearance, age, etc. There is someone for everyone (and there are some odd people in the world). You dont say if you are male or female, but either way you are looking for a woman and Ime women are less bothered about age of another woman/man, then men are. So even if they assume you are t years older, it probably isnt the issue.

Good luck

NotTheFordType Mon 23-Apr-18 22:29:52

Stop trying to pick up women in clubs and get on dating sites.

annandale Mon 23-Apr-18 22:39:58

I'm 49 and newly single. I'm not going to bars to look for people (tbh I'm trying not to look at the moment). Join a sports club - running? Hang gliding? Or a choir - singing is great for your mood and choirs are always packed with women. Volunteering is also an option. I did dip very briefly into online dating and no doubt it works but I live in a small city and I already knew two of the 20 men of my sort of age who were on there and far too much about why they are single Basically find somewhere to be where people are going to talk to you rather than look at you. I'm sure your looks are no better or worse than most of us.

ghostmouse Tue 24-Apr-18 12:53:54

For me men that try and pick up women in bars seem slightly seedy to me, it's a complete turn off for me.

I've seen a few of my single friends meet their partners through shared interests. A lot have met through work.

I doubt your age and looks come into it

Adversecamber22 Tue 24-Apr-18 13:03:23

Well done on your weight loss.

What are you interested in ? I mean both hobby wise and on issues you like to discuss?

Plus Im a similar age to you and if I was single the last place I would want to pull is in a bar. I met my boyfriends through work or at conferences, I was a lot younger though.

HarryLovesDraco Tue 24-Apr-18 13:04:24

49 and trying to pick women up in bars? There's your issue.

SoleBizzz Tue 24-Apr-18 13:08:20

Go for Women closer to your age.

clumsyduck Tue 24-Apr-18 13:11:54

Age not the issue
Trying to pick up women in bars - probably the issue !
A bloke could look like Tom hardy but if he chatted me up in a bar when I just want to have fun and catch up with my mates I wouldn't be interested at all

As others have said - online dating , hobbies etc is the way forward

MissWilmottsGhost Tue 24-Apr-18 13:26:58

Seriously, at 49 years old hanging around bars looking for girls to dance with is just going to make you look like a desperate dirty old perv.

It's nothing to do with your looks, people of our age group (I'm 45) just don't hang about in bars looking for strangers to get off with.

Get a hobby. Have fun. Meet people. Some of those people will be single women.

TheStoic Tue 24-Apr-18 13:29:30

Hanging out in bars trying to pick up at 49yo sounds like one of the circles of hell.

It’s not working. You need to try something else.

MyKingdomForBrie Tue 24-Apr-18 13:31:20

Bit unfair sole given that OP hasn’t stated any kind of age bracket of women he is approaching! Women in their 40s and 50s do go to bars too..

colditz Tue 24-Apr-18 13:33:09

Women your age don't go dancing in bars at the weekend, chick, they go on walking holidays or skiing, or even stuff like salsa dancing. They don't go to bars.

KnitFastDieWarm Tue 24-Apr-18 13:33:40

Have you thought about joining a running or hiking group? It’s often easier to get chatting over a shared activity.

MistressDeeCee Tue 24-Apr-18 15:59:50

Why are people going on about bars and accusing OP of being seedy? In London and other cities there are so very many bars and events for age 45+. So judgmental about people's choice of social life. I like music, dance, socialising. Maybe OP does too. Online dating isn't perfect either is it? Nowhere is. I met OH in a bar 5 years later we're still here. You never know where you'll meet someone. Exploring all options, pursuing your interests and hopefully meeting someone with same, is a good enough start

UkPod Tue 24-Apr-18 16:50:25

OP - there is always Thailand and the Philippines.

UkPod Tue 24-Apr-18 16:52:04

Joking aside, online is where it's at now mate. The dating game has changed completely over the last 10 years.

Friarman Tue 24-Apr-18 17:00:07

Hi,thanks for the info,the problem is that I live in the Highlands of Scotland so there are some problems with internet dating as the nearest big city Aberdeen is 100 miles away.
I was hoping to meet people of my own age but where I am pubs are quite important but mainly used them for entertainment.
There ain't many clubs but have decided to join any that I can find.I am going to a gym and see if there are any possibilitys that I can take up..

I was hoping that internet dating would be the way forward but will keep plugging away and see what happens..

Friarman Tue 24-Apr-18 17:02:46

A mate of mine went to Thailand to look for a woman and ended up with one but is paying 300 per month to keep the family back home.Not really my kettle of fish..

PericardiumOne Tue 24-Apr-18 17:05:17

Your mate sounds gross.

UkPod Tue 24-Apr-18 17:06:27

Bloke here btw. If you're that remote then the chances are the pubs and clubs are probably sausage fests anyway mate. Online dating 100%.

Re Thailand etc, yeah common scam, half the time they are married to Thai men. Best way is to go over and bring them back, assuming you have a relatively good job. PS - pre-nups are worth nowt so due diligence my friend.

tsonlyme Tue 24-Apr-18 17:06:28

Your mate bought himself a girlfriend.

Tartanscarf Tue 24-Apr-18 17:06:52

You’re 49. You’re Dad dancing in the pub. 😜

What hobbies have you got?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: