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I hate my husband for what he has done

(117 Posts)
Giselleb1 Mon 23-Apr-18 16:27:16

Hi all, I got married last year and just gave birth to my baby girl. A girl called me at the start of the year to say she's been sleeping with my husband for over a year (which is half our relationship) and she showed me hotel receipts and WhatsApp messages and videos to prove it. She said she was also pregnant by him. Since then I've done some snooping and discovered that he's been texting other girls in the past year flirting and asking to see them. He's apologised profusely but denied sleeping with anyone else which i don't believe.
We were arguing a lot before the wedding and both said things we shouldn't have which is what he says drove him to do it. I just feel like my entire relationship with him has been a lie and I'm finding it so difficult to get past his betrayal. What's annoying now is that he still expects me to massage him and rub his back etc but the idea of it makes me sick as he told me that those are the things the other woman used to do for him. He keeps telling me to let go of the past but I'm just so angry and upset to the point it's depressing me. We had 2 sessions of counselling and the therapist said because I've just had a baby I should wait a couple of months to be emotionally ready to deal with the issues in the sessions. I just don't know what to do. Sometimes I find myself hating him so much.

Giselleb1 Mon 23-Apr-18 16:29:08

Edit: he's admitted to sleeping with only the one girl but denied all the others even though he was texting them to see them. Apparently the sexual messages he was sending were jokes hmm

wishingiwaslucky47 Mon 23-Apr-18 16:31:46

Dump him. Don’t do what I did and stay, you will hate yourself for it.

You deserve so much more. He is a cake man and will take whatever he can get. He doesn’t love you.

TatianaLarina Mon 23-Apr-18 16:32:19

I don’t think there’s any point dragging this out even two months.

He’s lying cheating fraud of a man, I’m so sorry. What you thought you had has never really existed.

What support do you have to look after the baby alone?

50shadesofgreyismylaundry Mon 23-Apr-18 16:32:28

I'm not surprised. Why should you get over it, he's behaved appallingly. It isn't even as if you have a long history of being together to draw upon. He's a waste of space and you deserve better. I'm sorry you're having to go through this at such a vulnerabe time. Do you have family support?

FYC Mon 23-Apr-18 16:32:39

Oh love. You know they’re not jokes. You know he’s a horrible cheat, who doesn’t deserve you at all. This must be so awful for you.

I’m amazed he has the gall to ask for a back rub!

He will not change. He is not sorry. I am so sorry. This is not a relationship that you want your daughter learning from. This is not how it’s supposed to be.

expatinscotland Mon 23-Apr-18 16:33:35

Get rid of him. He'll always cheat.

0ccamsRazor Mon 23-Apr-18 16:33:51

Jokes??? And you can have the last laugh by getting rid of this cheating arsewipe of a poor excuse of a man.

Seriously Op, this is who he is, when a person shows you who they are, listen and act accordingly.

You deserve better than this 'man'

GertieMotherwell Mon 23-Apr-18 16:34:20

I’m sorry 💐

You should hate him.
You have every reason to hate him.

I wouldn’t bother with counselling. Get out of this marriage now xxxx

GreenItWas Mon 23-Apr-18 16:34:21

Bn the fucker as soon as possible. You can never be happy with him after this level of betrayal.

sheddooropen Mon 23-Apr-18 16:35:23

I'd dump him! If he told me to massage his back after what he did I would say yes and then "accidentally" break it/cause severe damage, how dare he do that to you and treat you like that. Take all the money you can out of the joint account and transfer it to your mum or family member to keep it safe and get as far away from him as possible. Moving to the other side of the country so it would be very difficult for him to see the child seems a good punishment

SoapOnARoap Mon 23-Apr-18 16:36:53

You’re never going to be enough for him. He’s warped.

Get out now

borlottibeans Mon 23-Apr-18 16:39:05

He keeps telling me to let go of the past

I mean, how dare he?

It is really not for him to dictate how long you're allowed to be upset about this! He's not actually sorry at all, is he?

TheDrinksAreOnMe Mon 23-Apr-18 16:41:37

What's annoying now is that he still expects me to massage him and rub his back etc but the idea of it makes me sick as he told me that those are the things the other woman used to do for him.

That's er... abuse if you ask me

He hasn't even owned it, he's just tried to make light of it.

Have my first LTB

charlyn Mon 23-Apr-18 16:45:51

He sounds disgusting. Please don’t even think about staying with him for you and your daughters sake. Can he move out asap?

Madratlady Mon 23-Apr-18 16:46:48

He doesn't get to dictate how you feel pretty how you react. How fucking dare he! If he truly cared about you and your feelings he'd be grovelling and begging forgiveness and doing anything he possibly could to regain your trust, not acting like your upset and anger is an inconvenience.

My husband had an emotional affair several years ago and due to the minimising of his behaviour and acting like I was the one in the wrong I don't think I'll ever feel quite the same.

Madratlady Mon 23-Apr-18 16:49:06

Seriously, LTB. It would have been a hell of a lot easier if I had. And I say this as someone who's actually pretty happy several years on, although what my dh did was nowhere near as bad as yours. I don't know if the 2 years of being unhappy before things started to improve were worth it.

Wintertime4 Mon 23-Apr-18 16:51:44

Just gave birth? Oh god you poor thing.

This man is being horrible to you. He’s showed no remorse.

Please get him to move or move yourself. You don’t have to make decisions about your relationship yet if you don’t want to. Just give yourself time and distance. Similar happened to me and distance was by far the most helpful. You cannot grieve, and you need to grieve, without getting him away from you for a while.

SunwheretheFareyou Mon 23-Apr-18 16:52:18

what's annoying now is that he still expects me to massage him and rub his back etc but the idea of it makes me sick as he told me that those are the things the other woman used to do for him

hmm

He can expect what he damn well likes, tell him to fuck off.

DanielCraigsUnderpants Mon 23-Apr-18 16:52:45

I'm one of life's see it from all sides, benefit of the doubt types". Not this time.

Your husband is an arsehole. Asking you to massage him because thats what his other women did?

Horrific. Truly, utterly awful. Please leave him. Do not wait a moment longer. You and your daughter will be better off the second he is gone

Zaphodsotherhead Mon 23-Apr-18 16:54:27

I hate my husband for what he has done

I'm not surprised, I hate him too and I don't even know him! How DARE he tell you you have to rub his back 'because it's what the other women did' and expect you to do it? How can he even say it with a straight face?

Get out. Get your daughter out. He's a man who thinks women were put on this Earth to pander to his every whim.

Horsedogbird Mon 23-Apr-18 16:54:40

This is supposed to be someone who is your husband?
Is he for real or what. Get out whilst you can.
Eventually you will be happier.
Marriage is supposed to be two people who love each other as people, respect and care. Look up love in the dictionary and the Bible.
You deserve better.

ArcheryAnnie Mon 23-Apr-18 16:56:36

We were arguing a lot before the wedding and both said things we shouldn't have which is what he says drove him to do it.

Not only is he a lying, cheating bastard, but he's a lying, cheating bastard who is trying to pin the blame on you, so he's also a cowardly lying, cheating, bastard.

He's a grown man. Nothing you did or do could force him to have sex with other women. He's trying to run away from taking responsibility for his own vile actions.

You and your daughter deserve better.

ToadOfSadness Mon 23-Apr-18 16:56:57

He IS the past, yes let him go, you deserve better.

GabsAlot Mon 23-Apr-18 16:57:08

ew massage him-what a creep

he cheated and then lied about it and he wants u to let go of the past

purlease

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