Marriage Issue

[Albertobotswana1977]

We have been married for 4 years now and have two twin boys, the issue is that we have sex about once or twice a year and for the last 6 to 8 months it has really begun to affect me.

Prior to marriage it was regular (normally weekly) but since then it went from that to once every six months to almost yearly. It started when she told me that she didn't appreciate getting groped (after 6 months of marriage). I understand that nobody has the right to sexually assault or harass anyone but I really didn't believe that 'cupping her chest' was anything but that. (I've read the threads on here about this subject and it wasn't a grab or squeeze etc).

We have boys, something that we both wanted and I love them to bits. I believed that staying together regardless of my own well being was the right thing to do. Now... I accept that this probably isn't the best for them as I'm living a lie and hardly setting a great example.... living in unhappiness is fine if there is children.

In December I got chatting to a woman through work (not a colleague) and we started meeting once a week for lunch or going to a gallery or a day out. In March I had to work away, she said she had a few days off and asked if she could come along. A week later my wife found out and I confessed everything.... the affair and my general unhappiness.

I ended the affair and there was an immediate 'over compensation' by my wife but after 2 weeks everything headed slowly back to how it was. 6 weeks on, I feel that I'm trapped all over again.

I told my Dad but he felt he couldn't really help although getting it off my chest felt like a huge relief. My unexplained migraines have gone completely!

Don't really know why I've typed all this..... Perhaps just to hear how it looks from a stranger's point of view.

[northbynorthwesty]

I know you said you confessed everything but have you spoken openly about your feelings since the original confession ?
Does she still love you ? Why doesn’t she want intimacy? Do you have much couple time away from the kids? Having young twin boys must be very tiring and draining on energy which will lead to no libido.

Speak to her . Listen to her. You haven’t mentioned her feelings or thoughts. Are you listening to her?

[NotTheFordType]

Well, what it looks like is that you're a sleaze ball.

I understand that nobody has the right to sexually assault or harass anyone but I really didn't believe that 'cupping her chest' was anything but that.

So exactly when did you grab your wife's boobs? During sex? Because TBH that's the only time you should do that.

[DairyisClosed]

Before marriage my DH and I had sex between three and six times a day. Not including periods. After we had children there was a period where we only had sex about twice a month. So really the decline you have experienced isn't really all that surprising. Naturally you and your wife must have been tired and a bit stressed out by the whole kids thing. She was also provably coming to terms with the personal costs of motherhood. Instead of trying to support each other and maybe find a way to communicate better you sagged some tar you barely knew because you felt 'trapoed'. It's not really surprising that your sex life hasn't improved. I wouldn't touch someone like you with a bargepole and I have the libido of a duracell bunny.

[Adayindisney67]

She has probably gone conpletely off you or even trying since the affiar. You should have tried to dicuss how you felt before the affair as apose to coming here and looking for answers after.
That won't help now. But I'm affaird the trust is gone and I'm not sure there is any coming back from that.

My advice would be to either suggests counselling or leave...

But once trust is gone, its rare to ever repare that.
It angers me that she felt the need to over compensate for your selfish actions though.

[Adayindisney67]

Btw... YOU are the one who should be grovelling.. It almost feels as though you feel entitled to her trying more, because otherwise you could get it elsewhere..

Sleazy!

[NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom]

Yeah 'cupping' her breasts uninvited?-you are a sex pest.
& then you have an affair as she doesn't appreciate being married to a sex pest, oh & she's caring for twin boys whom I'm assuming are small & you're whining about the lack of sex? My, aren't you a fucking catch?
You should be grovelling, big time. I'd have shown you the fucking door whilst my foot helped you through it.

[EthelHornsby]

Your OP seems to be all about you - do you have any insight into your wife’s point of view?

[Fwend]

So you sexually assaulted her, then shagged someone else?

No wonder she doesn't want to have sex with you.

[Mucca]

You are just another selfish arsehole and need to get over yourself. Have you for one moment ever thought about why your wife doesn’t want sex or actually had a conversation about it?

Twins are really, really hard work and assuming they are young and she is their primary carer she is probably exhausted. I can completely understand why she wouldn’t want to be groped.

Instead of being a grown up and talking about your concerns / frustrations you started an affair instead and now only a few weeks after she found out you’re complaining about lack of sex again? You should be grateful she hasn’t kicked your lying, cheating arse out.

If you want to improve your marriage I suggest marriage counselling as you and your wife are clearly not communicating. If you’re tempted to have more affairs either leave or ask for an open relationship. I feel really sorry for your wife, she deserves better.

[SomeKnobend]

Grim as fuck. You thought it was fine to just "cup" your wife's boobs randomly when you felt like it? Unless you genuinely have an actual learning disability then this makes you a disgusting sex pest and i'm not surprised she doesn't want to shag you. Gross. Then you have an affair and yet you're still complaining about her cold behaviour - what the fuck did you expect? "I know, shagging someone else will make her like me again"?! Honestly, grow a brain that doesn't live in your pants!

If you're serious about making some changes and working hard on your marriage then book some couples counselling, otherwise stop wasting her life, poor woman.

[eurochick]

The overcompensation comment doesn't sit right with me. Am I to understand that YOU had an affair then SHE tried really hard to make things work but is now not opening her legs frequently enough for your liking?

[Sakurasnail]

Cupping her 'chest'?
Really, the only men I've known to call it that are those who have transgendered.
Twins?
We all know how much hard work twins are.

Don't really know why I've typed all this..... Perhaps just to hear how it looks from a stranger's point of view.

Well, erm...

[Brandnewshit]

Yeah your wife has got a marriage issue, you.
You grope her then cheat. Poor woman being stuck with you

[yetmorecrap]

After going off and shagging someone else just because you were not getting what you felt was 'enough' sex and with young twins to care for, I am amazed you have had any sex at all since that. Good marriage is about way more than your sex life and maybe you should have realised that before starting a family and btw, I count that as groping and I think most women would.

[mzcracker]

You sound fucking awful. The entire op just screams entitlement.
I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who was pawing me like a piece of meat as I was trying to go about my day.
To top it off you didn't take her concerns seriously when she told you not to grope her!
I'm not even gonna comment on the cheating. Just so sleazy.