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My boyfriend donated sperm

(224 Posts)
Kala101 Thu 19-Apr-18 19:58:15

Hi I'm looking for some advice as I'm in a crisis state. I met my boyfriend almost a year ago. He told me two months in that he had donated sperm to a sperm bank. Recently we've become serious and I've been so disturbed by this aspect of his past, although he has reassured me that he only sees those offspring as genetic links not a family.

I really want to have kids with the right person and have my own family. I feel this would be so disruptive to a future family. I also feel jealous and disgusted that his sperm was inside these women. I'm too emotional about this.

BoneyBackJefferson Thu 19-Apr-18 19:59:49

I'm too emotional about this.

Yes you are.

midnightmisssuki Thu 19-Apr-18 20:02:07

what's your issue with this?

Kala101 Thu 19-Apr-18 20:03:02

He's not going to meet them until they're 18 in any case which is 15-16 years from now but I do find the numbers very disturbing. I feel that no one would create so many children naturally in this day and age in the Western world and this is so unethical that this is happening. The 10 family limit is very disturbing as it means there might be 20 potential half-siblings, I even hate to use the words 'sibling' or 'father' in this context. I love him but I've been thinking of breaking up with him and it's been really hard.

Realhousewifeofessex Thu 19-Apr-18 20:03:24

You need to get over yourself. He has done a good thing and you are very silly.

AnduinsGirl Thu 19-Apr-18 20:03:41

Your attitude is massively unreasonable. He's done a wonderful thing - helping people who otherwise wouldn't be able to have children.
I also feel jealous and disgusted that his sperm was inside these women.
You do realise he's probably also had his cock inside other women?!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Thu 19-Apr-18 20:04:32

For goodness sake there is nothing wrong with what he's done. You have no idea whether the treatments were even successful.

pannikin Thu 19-Apr-18 20:04:42

Pretty sure I've read a very similarly worded thread on here before, right down to being 'I feel so disturbed' confused

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Thu 19-Apr-18 20:05:27

Meet them????? You don't even fucking know if the treatment was successful.

Has he even asked you to marry him and have his kids?

Scrabblingforsanity Thu 19-Apr-18 20:05:44

AnduinsGirl, I just actually spat my tea out when I read that 😂😂😂

Lovesagin Thu 19-Apr-18 20:06:06

You should break up with him op, he deserves better than this

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 19-Apr-18 20:06:37

I think you need to talk to a professional about these intrusive thoughts. It’s really not normal to be jealous of your boyfriends sperm cells..

CarpetMothsFuckOff Thu 19-Apr-18 20:06:40


Namethecat Thu 19-Apr-18 20:07:16

I think you should be commending him. He has given women the possibility of becoming a mother. It's obviously not 100% certain there are children of his walking this world but even if there is it is unlikely they will impact of your life. We're you a virgin when you met him. And if you split up will you not sleep with anyone else to ensure you have not received any sperm from another man?

Lovemusic33 Thu 19-Apr-18 20:07:46

Lots of men donate sperm, I don’t see the problem? Chances are he won’t end up with loads of 18 year olds knocking on his door, chances are no one will ever come looking for him. Donating sperm doesn’t make him a father to these children.

Kala101 Thu 19-Apr-18 20:08:19

Yes his donations have led to children but I can't bear to find the number.

And yes we have discussed marriage and kids many times. All he wants is a family of his own. He says those offspring are like rest of the people out there for him and he feels nothing about it. He does talk a lot about having 3 or 4 kids with me and parenting and raising them together.

It's hard for anyone to understand how I feel and it's very hard to find someone in the same situation.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Thu 19-Apr-18 20:09:42

How do you know his donations have led to children? How? The whole thing is anonymous.

Lovesagin Thu 19-Apr-18 20:10:38

You're weirdly protective over this dudes sperm. Best to end it.

AmericanBiscuits Thu 19-Apr-18 20:10:41

It seems like you have some real issues OP. This is not a normal reaction at all.

Why are you obsessing about his sperm being inside other women? That's truly bonkers. confused

privateporcupine Thu 19-Apr-18 20:10:55

*I’ve been thinking of breaking up with him
Think no more. Do it. For his sake.

Kala101 Thu 19-Apr-18 20:11:13

If lots of men donate sperm then sperm from one man shouldn't be used for so many families. It's plain unethical I feel.

I didn't have a good family growing up and I would never want to be knowingly part of something that could be so disruptive in future.

I've been reading on some websites that donor conceived children do think that their sperm donors are the fathers and sperm donors also call them their children.

RBBMummy Thu 19-Apr-18 20:11:17

He's done a beautiful thing, given family a who can't naturally conceive a chance. There may be no children born yet, there may be 6. It doesn't matter they aren't his kids. Maybe a child will contact him when they are grown but also a long lost sister you never knew about could contact you. No difference.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Thu 19-Apr-18 20:11:57

How do you know his donations have produced children?

Kala101 Thu 19-Apr-18 20:12:26

It's anonymous but it's possible to find out the number and sex of children and how many families have used it. He went to the sperm bank and they said much of it was used.

Lovesagin Thu 19-Apr-18 20:12:56

Oh you've read about it. Must be true then hmm

Seriously op, this is really really weird. Get help.

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