Supposed to be meeting OLD tonight but gone silent!

[Allycat]

I've been messaging with someone for a week or so and we have arranged to meet tonight.

Trouble is I didnt hear from him yesterday and the day before that I initiated messaging as he'd been quiet and sparodic all day.

Should I assume that he's not that into me and the date is off?

So annoyed as I have one night off without kids and this is the third time this has happened with OLD (although not the same guy)

WWYD?

[PrettyLittIeThing]

I wouldn't go unless he confirmed it was still on personally. As I wouldn't want to be stood up!

[Allycat]

We hadn't even arranged where.

Someone else has asked me out for tonight so I may just assume first one has ghosted and go with the next. Lol

Just don't want to be a serial dater but doesn't look like I have a choice

[SoftCentreHardShell]

I think it depends on the nature of the arrangement and the nature of the messaging.

If it was a definite plan (by which I mean time, place, specific location) then I'd assume it was still on and go there to meet.

UNLESS the messaging had a bearing on it. If the messaging was just junk time wasting like "hey babe how was your day" and you aren't getting an answer then no big deal. People have different attitudes to this type of messaging especially if busy. If the messaging was related to meeting "look forward to seeing you tomorrow" and you get no answer - then you might want to double check the position. I'd call to be honest rather than messaging. "Just checking we are still on for this evening as hadn't heard from you and didn't want to waste my time" type thing.


On the other hand if the arrangement was a bookmark of the "let's do something on Thursday evening" with unspecified time and date, I'd assume it was off.

Never allow a bookmark in OLD - always agree a specific time and location at the time of agreeing to meet - it avoids this kind of angst.

[SoftCentreHardShell]

X- post. Just seen your post

We hadn't even arranged where.

That isn't a planned date then so I'd assume it's not happening. Someone who wants to see you will lock you down to a time and place.

In future, don't allow yourself to be bookmarked in OLD.

[Allycat]

Thanks SCHS that makes lots of sense.

My philosophy is that if he wanted to see me he would have made an effort to keep in touch and arrange it.

I'd already given him a nudge the day before yesterday as hadn't heard from him for a while. I shouldn't have to do it again.

Plenty of other people interested so he can fade as probably wasn't right for me anyway!

[PrettyLittIeThing]

I have to agree doesn't sound like a date or really any plans to meet up at all.

[Dancingleopard]

If he messages you last thing don’t go!

[sheddooropen]

If he hasn't given a place then maybe he has gone off the idea, do you have his number to ring or is it just messages, if he does message just before the time then unless he has a good excuse don’t go! Enjoy your night off with a friend or have a bit of me time :)

[hellsbellsmelons]

I'd just text and say 'I now have other plans for tonight as I haven't heard from you. Good luck'
Leave it at that.

[SparklyMagpie]

I wouldn't even bother letting him know anything

Go on your other date and have a fab time !

[Lovemusic33]

Go on the other date.

I have been dating a long time and have learnt that a date isn’t a date until plans are made (time and place), even then it might not happen.

[SoapOnARoap]

I think overtexting is a huge turn off for a lot of people.

I’d keep texts to a bare minimum & if you’ve not sorted a time & location assume, he’s not interested

[PrettyLittIeThing]

Don't text him. That just makes it sound like you were hanging around from him. Just go on the other date and forget about him.

[SoftCentreHardShell]

I'd just text and say 'I now have other plans for tonight as I haven't heard from you. Good luck'

God no. Don't do this. Agree with PrettyLittleThing sounds like you were sitting at home by the phone hand wringing. Even if it's not right, the image you want is being too busy with your fun full life and the other men chasing you to be noticing some idiot who didn't think it was important to lock you down for a date.

Chances are it's a dead loss - but you never know. There may be a late save (dog run over, mother in hospital, trapped under a bus). If that happens take it as and when. My guess is this is a non-starter.

Onward and upward.

[Allycat]

Thanks ladies

I didn't text, so head held high.

I did arrange the other date, but now he's got to work apparently.

So it'll be a visit to a friends for me. More dependable at the moment!!!

Have a great evening

[meowimacat]

Unfortunately this seems to be the way OLD is! I had 2 dates booked in for last week and both of them cancelled. haha shameful!! Although one had a genuine reason.

I have one for this Saturday, have booked a babysitter but he's been quiet today...so i'm not going to hold my breath.

Definitely think it's worth not putting your eggs all in one basket, especially early on in dating. Enjoy a visit to your friends, and if this guy pops back up be wary. Maybe he had another date planned and just decided to proceed with that and keep you as backup. Think that's what happened with one of the cancelled ones for me last week.

Plenty more out there...

[Allycat]

I don't know about you, Miaw, but it's driving me mad that my last three child free evenings I've arranged dates that have blown out.

I spend ages messaging these people and then they disappear. What was the point???

It's just bizarre

[Storm4star]

I’m giving this advice because of the fact you have childcare to arrange and I would be pretty annoyed in your shoes I have to say! Next time, have a phone call before arranging a meet. With messaging it’s easy for them to not see you as a “real person” and just a few words on a screen. I’m not saying someone you actually talk to won’t ever flake on you, but the ones i’ve spoken to on the phone haven’t flaked on me. Also, if phone calls are already a “thing” between you, it makes it much easier for you to then call that person if you need to confirm the meet. If they don’t want to talk on the phone then that’s a red flag anyway.

[Allycat]

Thanks Storm

I can totally see your point that we're not real people until we've spoken to them.

The trouble is I don't like to give out my number before I've met them.

I suppose I need to get over this and start giving out my number, I can always block them if they turn into a weirdo!

[OhWhatAWonderfulDay]

I get the whole not giving out number before meeting thing however I personally won't meet someone who isn't confident enough to give me their number.

I bin out anyone who doesn't text me much, personally I view it as "can't be bothered". Maybe I'm an over texter, I don't know but it works for me and I'm always upfront and honest from the start about it.

Don't worry about being a serial dater, I was, I've been on hundreds of dates.....I'd meet maybe 3 different guys each week until I found the one I finally clicked with.

[NotTheNineInchNails]

Allycat , why not use something like Kik messenger between meeting on the date site, and meeting in person? It's what I always did. You don't have to use phone numbers, you add people via a username. Then you can talk off the site and get to know one another, but if it doesn't work out you can block and you don't have to worry about someone having your number that you'd rather not!

[Allycat]

Wow Kik sounds like the perfect solution - thank you!