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Bring on the Spring Flings. It's Dating Thread 132!

(1000 Posts)
VetOnCall Mon 02-Apr-18 22:56:27

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

thienna Mon 02-Apr-18 23:11:04

thanks for the new thread vet

VetOnCall Mon 02-Apr-18 23:40:11

No worries, someone else can do the next one though, I'm running out of titles grin

Well Mr DiamondMine did message me earlier saying that it was lovely to meet me and would be great to do it again some time soon which was a pleasant surprise. Time will tell if it actually happens!

Silver I think both of those blokes sound a bit bonkers tbh, especially the second one. Cock shots and asking a total stranger to fly to his house in Portugal (I assume)... honestly, you'd want your head examining to even consider that without meeting him first.

Bant Tue 03-Apr-18 00:10:47

Checking in to the new thread, thanks vet

silver - I agree. It's nice to have a couple of options, but you'd have to be fucking insane to fly to another country for a first date. It sounds like someone trying to woo you with exoticness. And I'm not even sure if that's a word.
Also, it sounds like a perfect setup for a human trafficking ring.

The first one also sounds massively suspect. While this may sound harsh (and I seem to be sounding harsh recently, sorry) both of these men seem to be in it for sex, and the second possibly wants to sell you into slavery afterwards.

That's probably not the case of course. The first one needing to get a hotel probably has the perfectly innocent explanation that he's an alcoholic who can't manage a 45 minute drive without a drink and needs to have a nearby bed after telling you he's a dom.

The second one had a first phone call with you, sent you a knobshot and wants to meet you in another country.

Sorry, you need to raise your standards. A lot. If you're looking for a quick shag and possibly indentured servitude then go for it, but don't assume this is normal acceptable behaviour from them because it's the only behaviour you've seen.

Jellyheadbang Tue 03-Apr-18 00:21:20

vetoncall and peppercorn , I’m on match and in same area as you two.
I agree, the pickings are indeed slim.
I’m getting a lot of matches from Wales, London and abroad, v few from sw.
I’m mid 40s and getting matched with (& winks from) either v young men or much older men.
I’m pretty strict in my criteria and my profile is quite specific so I’m limiting myself a lot in terms of the men I’ll respond to, that has left me with about 14 men in my area who have the criteria, several of those seem to have ghost profiles and of the remainder I’ve chatted to about three, and of course the others have their own criteria too which I won’t meet.
I’m sure if I didn’t have such strict criteria I’d get a few more dates but my post-divorce dating life has given me a very clear picture of who I do and don’t want to meet.
I’m not looking for riches nor even particularly looks focused but I want to meet someone with similar politics and similar life stages with kids who live a reasonable distance from me.
Have not had one date, nearly had two but both ghosted me prior to meeting.
I cannot feasibly manage an ldr so it would seem I’m at an impasse with several months to go.
Disappointed to say the least!

Jellyheadbang Tue 03-Apr-18 00:25:57

Oh and two matches are my immediate neighbours, one of whom I know is a right wing drug dealer!
Other matches feature my recent ex bf’s friends.
I haven’t joined tinder because I know he and my exh are on there, I felt it was too visible for our small town, so considering pof as match has been an expensive wash out, what do people think?

VetOnCall Tue 03-Apr-18 00:36:43

Jelly POF is a million times better than Match imo. Tinder is also better although I've had the vast majority of my decent conversations and dates from POF.

Match really is totally hopeless for my age range around here, I'm not being bitchy but with literally only one exception who I've also seen on POF they all looked like weirdos, criminals or weird criminals. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of weirdos on POF too, but there are also far more decent ones.

VetOnCall Tue 03-Apr-18 00:44:52

Popcorn you asked about distances on the last thread, I wouldn't go as far as Cardiff but I would/have considered anywhere up to Bristol, although it's obviously not ideal. I've spoken to a few from around Torquay/Totnes/Newton Abbot way so those are definitely always options. I get very few matches from anywhere around Plymouth or Okehampton directions, or from Cornwall for some reason.

DaffoDeffo Tue 03-Apr-18 06:01:10

silver the problem is he might take you to a place with no phone signal or drug your drink etc.! I too travel internationally for work and still wouldn't do it! There's a post somewhere on the last thread about why women get attracted to unsuitable men....and I hate to say it, he ticks all those boxes. If he really is that nice and trying to impress, let him take you out for dinner.

DaffoDeffo Tue 03-Apr-18 06:07:20

're the mid/late 40s thing, I do think it takes time. It has taken me ages and I mean ages, to find someone a similar age to me who doesn't want children and is happy going out with a woman a similar age.

Almost all men before MrG (and we are only on date 3 so who knows if it will work) who were interested in me were 10-15 years older or 10-15 years younger. The men the same age as me were looking for women ten years younger and in a lot of cases to start a family.

I think it takes time and a lot of time!

TomHardysBitontheside Tue 03-Apr-18 06:27:53

Vet I agree POF is a good place to go. I get all sorts of odd messages. But recently I've met some really interesting people. I'm hoping to meet up with Mr Writer in the next few weeks. And Mr Punk I (as there's also Mr Punk II) has asked me to a gig.
I'm also having a fascinating conversation with someone about feminism and the male approach to online dating. Even if I don't meet these people, the conversation is great.
Soulmates I find to be dreadfully slow and lots of them are on POF and Tinder anyway.
Silver there's been lots of good advice on here and I echo that you really shouldn't go abroad with someone you don't know.

pudding21 Tue 03-Apr-18 07:59:32

esk1mo haven't heard when he's from free yet he's on shift work this week from 4am so I'll just wait and see what he comes up with. Ball is in his court now. If he doesn't meet I'm going to go see friends in the city and maybe try meet a couple of low burners I'm talking with. But Mr french is first on the to do list.

Mr parkour messaged me at 2am...... wonder what he wanted 🤔🤔

silver Be cautious with ones who promise the earth from the start.... don't be blindsided by a promise of a trip abroad sounds like he's trying to force intimacy and that is a red flag.

VixenSixen Tue 03-Apr-18 08:03:23

silver - I would have to listen to my head over my heart on this one. I would definately not go away with someone to another country for a date...(esp a first date!!).... it just feels too much of a risk.

Back at the beginning of the year I met a guy and went for dinner at his house but that was not before we did lots of phone calls & video calls for 3 weeks, I ended up getting him to prove who he was by sending me his driving licence, where he worked and address 🙈 which he Did, he even said tell a friend where you are going if it makes you feel more comfortable. I just knew he was being genuine and if had time to get to know him over a few weeks via daily convos so it felt ok.

In hindsight, it was a pretty big risk I took and I totally wouldn't do it again as I realised after how unsafe it actually could have been. But I was to OLD & far too trusting & naieve. All dates since have been coffee date first, then meet up at a restaurant or cinema or something.

The gamble paid off for me and although we didn't have a relationship (just FWB) we still meet up and talk most days.

Please please keep yourself safe.... x

pudding21 Tue 03-Apr-18 08:03:49

esk1mo Italian has gone to ground, i know he's busy working but it's like hes up messaging. If he comes back I might see him again but it would never work and he hasnt tried to get to know me or keep up the conversation since. He's sent nice messages but they're a bit empty. Never mind he was Fun and I enjoyed meeting him.

dancemom Tue 03-Apr-18 10:20:25

Checking in!

Wouldn't say I'm on the smitten bench ... is there a content bench??

Jaxinthebox Tue 03-Apr-18 10:41:10

dancemom maybe just pull up a chair at the bar for now.

My date yesterday went well, chatted a lot last night after we were both home.
mroil is still offshore but hes messaged me lots. Lets see what happens when he is back home.
vet thanks for new thread
silver NO! for all the reasons stated by others.

eskimo I wonder if we are looking at the same guys? grin maybe we should compare notes...

IronNeonClasp Tue 03-Apr-18 10:57:47

Checking in on new shiny thread thanks vet

So all my plans went to shit on the weekend. FWB let me down Sat night (3td time) and I ended up sending him a text tirade of drunken abuse. Apologised but that Avenue is closed. Shamed sad

Talking to a nice guy but we have busy lives...

I think I may be done though/need a rest as am missing last BF and need to get my head straight following a weekend of drunken debauchery...

Feeling utterly crap tbh like I'll never meet anyone again, never move to a bigger house or have a nicer car again... sad

Jellyheadbang Tue 03-Apr-18 16:51:57

vet I laughed at your description, I said to a friend that the list of blokes who’ve ‘favourited’ me looks like a pictorial version of the sex offenders register.
Harsh I know but honestly, surely it’s not that difficult to take a photo where you’re smiling and not trying to create a sense of malevolent intent?
Obviously not all are like that but a huge proportion of pics and/or profiles just make me cringe and I hate the thought of putting myself ‘out there’ for them to read about me and see my pics!
Maybe I will move onto pof then...
Many things put me off in the past but I guess there’s more choice as people are going for the free option.
People thought I was and paying for match but I presumed a better choice if people were paying to use it.
So not true.

TomHardysBitontheside Tue 03-Apr-18 17:20:24

jelly When I started OLD a year ago I used Soulmates thinking I'd meet like minded people who must be genuine as they're paying for it. I did meet someone and we dated for 9 months. When we split I went back to Soulmates and it was the same old faces, a year on! I've since seen those same faces on both POF and Tinder. Whilst POF is mainly full of men I wouldn't touch with a barge pole, I've found a few really interesting people. So I'd say stick with the free sites.

pudding21 Tue 03-Apr-18 17:28:26

Two funny tinder bios today, was tempted to swipe on both but thought I have enough to do:

Lot 1. Dressed in a bunny onesie. Marine biologist trying to work out where the clitoris is located.

Lot 2. Nice looking guy. In his bio "please let me send you dick pics". Least he is honest, if a tad desperate.

Mr French is sending me into a bit of a spin, i hope he isn't playing cos if he is, I won't entertain that at all. Yesterday I told him I was free, he said he would check his plans when he got home (yesterday) and let me know. He has messaged me to say he was at work but nothing since. If he doesn't say anything I might have to go to that free trance festival after all (some friends organise it, its not bad)....................and bloody camp.

Jellyheadbang Tue 03-Apr-18 17:29:28

TomHardysBitontheside Thanks. I’ve noticed by usernames or their profile descriptions some have been hanging around a couple of years or so!
I considered soulmates but I did a search for my area, I could count them on the thumbs of both hands!

VetOnCall Tue 03-Apr-18 17:40:49

Form an orderly queue now...

Jellyheadbang Tue 03-Apr-18 17:50:06

Ooh let me at him, I bet his wife is over the moon at his resourcefulness hmm

saveyourkissesforme Tue 03-Apr-18 18:26:43

Thanks for the new thread. I'm loitering only as I've given up on OLD for a while. It definitely gets harder as I get older...

Thenewphaseofmylife Tue 03-Apr-18 21:13:43

Hello lovely fellow OLD people.

So I think one of my irons has we will call him MrUni as apparently we were at university together many many years ago, has turned into a FWB situation.

Which is fine but what are the rules about that? And also as I haven't slept with a man other than my husband for 25 years please give me some tips / advice as freaking out!

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