HELP my fiancee has a problem with my family and I don't know what to do

[melj22]

My fiancee hates having my mum and/or my sisters visit and won't let me go and visit them. He says they take away time with our 1 year old from him when they are here and if we (my son and I) went to see them it would take away even more time. I don't know what to do, my family have been nothing but nice to him, I love my family I see my mum and my sisters as my friends - I don't really have any friends other than my family. My mum comes to visit once a month to twice a month at the most - I normally try and make sure it is when he is working so doesn't take away too much time he would have with our wee man but now every time they come he gets really hostile and it stresses me out so much, I don't want to have to choose! Advice please?!

[Aprilmightmemynewname]

Advice? Do not marry him.
He will cut you off from your family and you won't be happy.. And he won't give a fuck if you aren't.

[dementedpixie]

He sounds controlling. If you want to see them then do so with or without his blessing

[lozzalou93]

Tough shit if he doesn’t like it.. they’re your family. IF they’d been horrible to him then he’d have a good point but otherwise he’s being totally unreasonable and you need to tell him, like it or lump it

[AaronPurrSir]

He is controlling and abusing you.

[DairyisClosed]

He is acting abusivly. Why does he nerd so much time with you? Does he go out or have family that visits him?

[blaaake]

He's trying to isolate you. Get rid of him.

[Finola1step]

So he thinks that his time with his child comes above everyone else's. Hmmmm. Very controlling of you and your dc. Your dc has the right to spend time with his Grandmother and Aunt. Yes, if they were at yours all the time, that could be annoying. But your partner's reaction is very troubling.

[melj22]

He doesn't really like to spend time with his family either - his family fight among each other a lot... he does have some friends but only spends time with them once every few months

[melj22]

It is troubling... I didn't feel like once or twice a month having them visit was too much? is it?

[melj22]

its only every for 1 night that they come... they would even stay in a motel if they could afford it but they can't and we have a spare room anyway...

[JudasPriestley]

He hates your mum, he hates your sisters, and he hates you.

Get away from him before he breaks you down completely.

[Littlefish]

He is being controlling. He is seeking to isolate you from your family. You don't have friends, and he will make sure that you don't see your family, making you entirely reliant on him.

Please do not stay with this man.

[RaspberryPi1]

How are things with his family members?

[Huntinginthedark]

No one should hate your personal relationships if they make you happy
Think about that long and hard

[xpc316e]

He is jealous and controlling. Stay with him and you will regret it.

[melj22]

I get on really well with his family... they don't like to travel though so they hardly ever visit

[Custardo]

listen to everyone here - do not let him isolate you.

if he says it takes time away - tell him nicely that you are sorry he feels like that, but you will go and see other people in your life that you love. this i something that you will always do and therefore to continue to comment on it and make things unpleasant is futile.

also remind hi that this is normal and something that almost everyone else oes is see friends and family, that he doesn't chose to do this, doesn't mean that you should stop also, becuase you are two seperate people not the same person, you are not him

lay it out. stick to your guns.

[RaspberryPi1]

So when you see his family is it taking away from his time?

[SandyY2K]

This will only get worse. Do not marry him. He's controlling by trying to isolate you and this will escalate to further abuse.

It's not like your mum and sister are over visiting your home.

He's talking absolute nonsense by saying they're taking time away from your DC.

He can get himself into therapy to find out why he behaves this way...or he can accept the relationship is over.

That's what is bevm telling him.

[Calmingvibrations]

He wants to deny your baby a potentially great relationship with his grandparents and aunties - wow what a wonderful father with his son’s best interests at heart. Not.

How dare he tell you who you can and can’t see.

If your family were round your house all day every day I could understand him perhaps saying he wants a break from them. But a couple of times a month - he’s a controlling toss pot.

Urgh don’t marry him. Leave. It will get worse.

[Fishface77]

He’s making it difficult for you to see your family.
Soon you’ll make the decision that it’s easier not to see them.
Then you’ll phone them and he’ll be trying to call you. He’ll ask who you were on the phone to, you’ll tell him and he’ll start ranting about how you think your family are so important and your not prioritising him.

Soon he’ll ask why you want to go out/but something new/have your hair done/ go to mother and baby groups.

He’s slowly slowly isolating you. Leave him and go back to your family. Before he destroys you.

[SandyY2K]

won't let me go and visit them.

How exactly does this happen?

Does he physically stop you leaving the house? Or does he guilt you into not going and become sulky?

You need to stand your ground and do as you wish.

Is he suggesting your mum and sister never see your DC. Because that's what it sounds like.

Please listen to everyone...marrying him would be a very bad move.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

Why don't you have friends?

Having a baby is usually a great opener to making friends. All those baby groups, always something to talk about: about sleep, poo, return to work, etc.

Do you spend every evening and weekend with him and only him?

[TalkFastThinkSlow]

You said you don't want to choose, but I think you should make a choice.

Choose freedom, choose your family
Or choose him, isolation, abuse and him being in control of you!

[DownTownAbbey]

It is not flattering or romantic that he wants to monopolise you. It is a tried and trusted way of seeming 'reasonable' whilst being hugely unreasonable. The goal is control and isolation and has bugger all to do with love.

I see that you live some distance from your family. Was that because of him? Does he trash talk any friends you have so it becomes easier not to see them?

Your DC is very young. Get out now before you're pregnant again and tied tighter to him and it's harder to escape. Read 'Why does he do that?' By Lundy Bancroft.