Some info, for context. DH and I have been together for 24 years, married for 20 years. We have three children, and, I thought, a happy marriage. We’ve had the usual ups and downs but nothing major relationship-wise, and I thought we were a good team. I had cancer 15 years ago, the treatment impacted on my libido and it never really recovered. I had to have a total hysterectomy three years ago which removed my ovaries as well as my uterus, and I can’t take HRT because of my medical history. That has really been difficult, it’s been really hard for DH and I to be intimate because I’d been in early menopause for years prior to my hysterectomy and having my ovaries removed sent me straight into menopause. I have really bad vaginal atrophy, which I am trying to treat with estrogen pessaries (it’s the only treatment i can have) but sex is really not the same as it used to be, it’s still quite painful for me. We’ve found other ways to be close, and for DH to enjoy himself, but PIV sex has always been my preference, I’m not into oral or being touched and I know that frustrates him, but it’s my body and he can’t make me enjoy that so that he can enjoy doing it.
Fast forward to my issue - I’ve found out that DH has been seeing escorts. At first I thought it was at night time when he’d been out with friends, had been drinking etc (he has a drinking problem, he drinks every night, always a bottle of wine, often plus spirits). But then I realised that he’s seeing them during the day, popping out while he’s at work. This time it’s been twice in the last 24 hours. I see the text messages on his phone - he deletes them but not immediately. I knew our sex life was disappointing him, and I’ve really tried to fix things - in amongst caring for our children, working, looking after the house etc - but I find it really hard to find energy at the end of the day to put on lingerie and be sexy.
I really can’t believe it. Escorts. Plural. How do I sort this out? I love my husband and I love our life, and I thought the feelings were mutual. If we were to split up over this our children would be devastated, and it would crush me. I thought we were a team. What do I do?
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Relationships
I don’t know what to do
WheresYouWheelieBin · 23/03/2018 08:02
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