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STBXH said he'd take the dog this weekend - and now he isn't

(13 Posts)
PerfectlyDone Thu 22-Mar-18 21:40:03

No big surprise.
His word just means nothing, not worth the air expended when speaking it.
I had agreed to him taking the dog because the kids like to have him with them.

I am planning a weekend away with a (female) friend, and now have to add the costs for kennels to that.

Ah, well.
I don't really know why I took his word at face value in the first place.
i am still learning that he is not the man I thought he was.

MyKingdomForBrie Thu 22-Mar-18 21:44:53

Tell him tough, dog is with him..

Bookywooky Thu 22-Mar-18 21:46:11

What’s his excuse?

PerfectlyDone Thu 22-Mar-18 21:46:17

Not an option.
He moved to a new flat last week - no pets allowed. Which he told me today.

I should have known he had no intention of EVER having the dog when he recently changed his car from an estate to a saloon hmm


ALittleBitConfused1 Thu 22-Mar-18 21:54:39

Perhaps he intended to have the dog then realised the rules when he checked. If so it's not really his fault he isn't allowed dogs there.
Could he stay at yours with the children and the dog instead (if you're not going to be there) or would you not feel comfortable with that.
Perhaps a saloon was cheaper, I'm assuming his finances have changed a bit since you split, maybe it was more practical for him to get something smaller now.

PerfectlyDone Thu 22-Mar-18 21:58:01

Could he stay at yours with the children and the dog instead (if you're not going to be there) or would you not feel comfortable with that.

Yes, he could.

A BMW M3? Not a budget car in my book. But whatever.

ALittleBitConfused1 Thu 22-Mar-18 22:04:23

Perhaps ask if he wouldn't mind staying at yours then if it's an option and you're ok with it.
You didn't say it was a BMW so I was just throwing suggestions out there that's all
Hope you get it sorted and enjoy your weekend

PerfectlyDone Thu 22-Mar-18 22:08:38

Oh, the Hound loves going to his holiday auntie where he gets to sleep in a bed and gets chicken cooked for him.

He has declined staying here.

I'm sorry to have been snippy with you - I really am wanting to be snippy with him but have to bite my tongue to avoid WW3.
He has form for being unreliable, not sharing information, not sticking to what he said he'd do.

The sooner we are actually divorced the better.

SchnitzelVonKrumm Thu 22-Mar-18 23:43:26

Insist he books and pays for the kennels? I bet the dog was his idea.

ALittleBitConfused1 Thu 22-Mar-18 23:48:33

No worries OP, I understand. Thanks for the apology but there's really no need.
I was trying to play devils advecote, it's one of my flaws lol.
Listen you know him best and you know if it's in his character to just be an awkward twat. It's so frustrating though, I get that.
I don't mean to sound patronising, but....if he's doing these things purposely you know why.
He wants to piss you off, it's like a power game. So you can decide not to play. Don't care, don't waste anymore precious energy on him. Just say ok no worries I had a feeling you'd let me down, so had a plan b anyway....while smiling sweetly. If you can't change the problem, change the way you feel about the problem.
It's shitty of him but you can't change that don't let it matter, you will be the winner and he will just be a bitter old git playing by himself.

PerfectlyDone Thu 22-Mar-18 23:48:34

No, the dog was very much my idea.

We got him from a rescue after literally years of considering our options, fostering for the rescue and talking about it a lot 4 weeks before I found out he had been sleeping with somebody else for 4 years.

I would never have acquired a dog had I know that my marriage was already imploding in front of my very eyes.

I don't mind looking after the dog or sorting out his holiday accommodation or bearing the cost - it was me who was the driving force behind getting a dog.
it STBXH's unreliability that is pissing me off, also because I think for him it's a matter of control, always having me on my feet, not able to make plans because I have no clue what he is going to pull out of his hat next.

My rant is not really about the dog.
I am still reeling from the shock that my marriage is over and while my head knows that it is for the better and good riddance!, I am still grieving for the marriage I thought I had but clearly never actually did.
it's very confusing trying to come to terms with my very mixed up feelings.

PerfectlyDone Thu 22-Mar-18 23:49:28

Ha, brilliant x-post - you've got it in one, ALittleBit grin

scattyhattie Fri 23-Mar-18 01:59:06

What an absolute shit! At least the dog will be a much more reliable & loyal companion.

Its difficult to find pet friendly rentals though I think many people would chance it for a weekend & he would've already commented on this issue whilst house hunting not leave it to try mess up your plans last minute.
At least you know where you stand now with the dog and it won't be something else he can mess you about over in future & you can relax that dogs being cared for properly when its not with you as he doesn't seem interested.

Hope you have nice time away flowers Its really hard to deal with all the mixed emotions reconciling the person thought you knew with the reality & its totally normal to grieve for the good times & what could've been.

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