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Does your DP us your name?

(38 Posts)
Buckingfrolicks Thu 22-Mar-18 16:29:49

I realise my DP of 22 years rarely if ever actually says my name. Nor does he call me by any endearments.

I feel weird about it as we don't have the best relationship, and this seems symptomatic of that, to me. But I may be over thinking! Hence my question...

Do your spouses and partners use your name? Would it bother you if they didn't?

Ohyesiam Thu 22-Mar-18 16:32:17

I think it would bother me if it seemed like a symptom
Of our lack of connection.
What are you getting from the relationship

IreneWinters Thu 22-Mar-18 16:35:07

DH uses a shortened version of my name. I rarely use his, because I can't pronounce it! Not sure what that says about our relationship.

Does your DP use other people's names? When talking to them, not just about them, I mean. Do you have a particularly unusual or hard to pronounce name?

WeeCheekyBird Thu 22-Mar-18 16:36:39

We rarely use our names and only really do it when we are annoyed at one another!

We do use silly names (not fuzzy wuzzy wabbit or nonsense like that) but never really our actual names.

Bit odd to use nothing though :/

Happymummy1991 Thu 22-Mar-18 16:39:13

If I think about it my DH rarely uses my name and he doesn't call me any names like darling or hunny either. He will only use my name if I am in another room and he needs to get my attention for something. If we are in the same room he wouldn't use my name. For example some people might say "darling, what have we got in for dinner?" my DH would just say "what have we got in for dinner?"
I wouldn't look too much into it.

IAmWonkoTheSane Thu 22-Mar-18 16:39:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tigercub50 Thu 22-Mar-18 16:39:43

Mine actually tends to use my proper name in arguments but he has a nice nickname for me which my parents also used to use & I like that.

midnightmisssuki Thu 22-Mar-18 16:41:57

he can't call you nothing - what about if your back is turned and he was talking to you and needed to get your attention?

RedBlackberries Thu 22-Mar-18 16:43:30

Mostly: babe, baby, my love
I get my actual name if he's stressed out!

Aprilmightmemynewname Thu 22-Mar-18 16:47:39

Never uses my name, to the dc - ask your mam.

RatherBeRiding Thu 22-Mar-18 16:49:32

If he wants to attract my attention from another room or across an open space he will, otherwise it is usually something like "my darling"

Buckingfrolicks Thu 22-Mar-18 16:50:08

If he needed to get my attention, he would just say "could you hold this" or "oh, I'll be late back" or whatever. He never uses my name which is easy to pronounce - like Elizabeth (but not !)

He used to call me honey but not for years now. It's all about sad really!

MinnieMul Thu 22-Mar-18 16:53:04

I have only been seeing someone since Christmas time and I introduced myself as my full first name - no idea why as no one calls me that so now I think he is a little confused as to whether to carry on or use my shortened name! - I am still waiting to see if he says anything.

If he ever meets my family, he may be even more confused as they call me something completely different.

YerAuntFanny Thu 22-Mar-18 16:58:35

I'm the same as @happymummy1991.

If DH needs my attention and I'm not looking or Infront of him he uses my name otherwise it's just general conversation rather than specifically addressed.

I loathe pet/nicknames so this suits me fine. We've been together almost 17 years and I can't say it seems to have caused any huge disruption to our relationship hmm

SandyY2K Thu 22-Mar-18 17:01:56

Mostly: babe, baby, my love

Same with me.

NathusiusPip Thu 22-Mar-18 17:06:48

My mum took to signing cards to my father from 'Are you there?', because that's all he ever used to call her. grin

Mind you, they did have a very dysfunctional relationship.

If I call DP, I tend to call out 'babe...' but then quite often DD will answer as well. He always calls me my full name (not the shortened version that others often use).

Shoxfordian Thu 22-Mar-18 17:10:15

We call each other the same silly name
I call him darling; he doesn't usually call me that although sometimes he says dear

I think it def can be symptomatic of your rship op. Do you want to talk more about it?

hazeydays14 Thu 22-Mar-18 17:11:14

If DP calls me by my full first name I know I’m in trouble grin it freaks me out!
He’ll call me by my shortened name very occasionally but babe or similar the majority of the time..

AnUtterIdiot Thu 22-Mar-18 17:12:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AcrossthePond55 Thu 22-Mar-18 17:33:48

We usually refer to each other as 'Honey', but that's a pretty common spousal nickname where we live. We use each other's first names if 'Honey' doesn't get the other's attention or if we're annoyed.

My parents had an excellent and deeply loving marriage and I very rarely heard my dad call my mum by her name so not doing so isn't proof of anything 'wrong'. He referred to her as 'your mother' to us and by her first name to others.

All of us (Mum, Dad, DH, and I) would say "I'll be back" or "Do you know where the 'X' is?" without referring to each other specifically by name. We'd use a name if we needed to get their attention, but not just to make a remark. I'd even think it a bit odd if DH continually used my name every time he spoke to me.

I think you are overthinking it, unless there are other 'symptoms' that you think point to a problem in your marriage. But if it bothers you, have you spoken to him about it?

Babyblues052 Thu 22-Mar-18 17:45:55

Hardly ever get my name. Only if something serious or wants to get my attention ect. I get terms of endearment or his nickname for me (it's nothing cringy thank god).

Same for him I rarely say his actual name for the same reasons but use terms on endearment.

If we are in public we usually say eachothers names. This all happens subconsciously.

rockinghorse3256 Thu 22-Mar-18 19:01:32

Me and DH do have pet names for each other. He gets his real name if I'm mad grin. DH parents however first language is not English. They always say a word in their first language to address each other. Which I just took to mean some sort of pet name (it sounded lovely) Anyway after 7 years I finally thought to ask DH what it means. For him to tell me it translates to 'are you listening?' grin Despite this they seem happy enough

PrizeOik Thu 22-Mar-18 19:49:51

My long-ago ex called me "babes". He was posh

My exh called me "my love" and used my first name if he was punishing me for something via sulking etc.

My dp has a few endearments for me, but when he is feeling very soppy he is more likely to use my actual name, strangely enough.

Heartworries Thu 22-Mar-18 20:05:00

I always feel weird when someone talks to me and says my name. Especially mid sentence or in a text. I feel like im getting told off! No idea why! Dh calls me darling or love. Or we tend to call each other mum and dad more now. Because of the kids it has kind of stuck. I call him dad more than him calling me mum but im with the kids a day so it sticks in my mimd more. My grandparents always called each other mum and dad so is probably more normal for me!

LeSquigh Thu 22-Mar-18 20:09:27

I do find myself refraining from using people’s names if I have issues with them so it may be symptomatic of other issues for your DH but would be difficult to know without knowing the full story.

My DP uses a different version of my first name as a nickname and he only uses my actual name and when he does so it massively fucks me off because it sounds weird coming out of his mouth!

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