My dh was going to commit suicide twice. Once before I got pregnant, the other just after.
He decided after 10 years of attempting to have a baby, he was too old, couldn't cope.
First time he said he backed out of it, just couldn't do it.
The second time he told me that he was going to do it. We have a fantastic doctor, and he organised a mental health team within 2 days!
He pulled around with talking therapy. We now have a wonderful dc, whom we both think the world of.
My problem is, how do you ever forgive them? Watching Zoe has brought it all back big time. I just about coped myself at the time, had to really.
Everything was a haze, I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy or baby's first few months because of the worry, I can never get them back.
I know that he is far from any more attempts now, but I don't think that I can get over it. (I appreciate the fact that he is still here)
Anyone else had similar?
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Zoe Ball programme, so sad.*trigger warning*
justbinthefeckinbyebyebox · 21/03/2018 22:09
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Forgiving him is quite different from acknowledging what his MH problems have cost you.
Forgive him because that is the kind and right thing to do, and because he was ill, and because it is far healthier for you to not end up bitter about something that is in the past and you cannot change.
But also, and just as importantly, accept that this was a huge thing to get through and that it is still affecting you.
I'd suggest you seek some counselling for yourself, consider it good house keeping 
Why 
I agree, there is no 'getting over' this kind of thing, there's only keeping going and accepting the hurt caused, and with luck and time and sometimes professional help the raw pain will lessen and mature in to something more akin to a scar rather than a fresh wound.
Such wise word, Thank you all.
Whywont. I'm so sorry 
I can understand your anger.
mumontherocks1
I've felt like that too, hopeless and just wanting an end to it all.
I'm 4 years on, but it still comes over in waves, when it's least expected.
Sorry so many have been through similar,
thank you all xxx
@Mumontherocks1 When I look back now, I feel so ashamed that I didn't see what I was putting other people through. In my head, I was making a huge sacrifice - not being part of their lives any more - for their good. I honestly thought they'd be happier without me.
Now, I can see how awful it was for them, and how right they were to be angry, confused, and upset. They felt so helpless. I shudder to think how they would feel now if I had died, and how much strain I put on them, and they got no support from anyone. It was all about me, and it's only now I can see that they needed help just as much as I did.
I sometimes think that in a crisis, we just cope, because we have to. We deal with the practicalities. It's when things become everyday that everything catches up with us, or when we're dreading the next bad thing. I don't know if I could cope the way my family did, but you are. It doesn't necessarily have to be counselling either, just talking about it to someone, without expecting some way of fixing things, or knowing that you're not going to be judged for how you feel must be a huge relief. The Samaritans might be worth a try - you can just vent to them, and know that someone's listening.
for you, OP, and everyone else who's dealing with similar. I'm sorry if I may have upset a few people by trying to explain what was going through my head at the time - but also how it is possible to recover and see things differently. I also think there needs to be much more awareness & support of just how hard it is to have someone you care about being suicidal. Obviously, they need the most immediate support, but the people around them are going through something pretty lifechanging too.
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