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So how do I meet a decent, late 40’s man?

(117 Posts)
Tigerstripycat Wed 21-Mar-18 21:28:19

I’m 47, have been divorced for 3 years and I’m looking to meet someone - but it seems impossible. Where do decent, educated men in their late 40s, early 50s hang out?!

All my friends are married, with married friends, so not much luck there. I’ve tried OLD on and off over two years, and I’ve had lots of first dates, one 6 month relationship, and a very short fling (we’ve ended up being good mates though, which is great.) There is definitely a lack of candidates out there.

Any ideas? Cycling, climbing? I’ve got a 7 year old sportyish DS so am thinking of shamelessly roping him in to help my cause (obviously he’s unaware...!) Maybe I should set up a cycling with kids Meetup group...

Anyone else in the same boat?

MarieG10 Wed 21-Mar-18 21:33:35

Sorry...not in the same boat but can imagine it is a struggle. I think you have the right ideas, clubs, sport and charity events....all good for your active and fun levels and who knows you may meet a good chap. I haven't ever done OLD but doesn't seem that great at more middle age

Sadik Wed 21-Mar-18 21:34:41

I've seen running recommended on here several times - maybe parkrun with your DS? Ditto cycling if you enjoy it - if nothing else it's a good hobby & a great thing to do with your dc.

I'm 48 and in the starting phase of a relationship (only 3 months ) so too early to say if it will work out, but very happy to date. I met new chap through a farming related organisation, & I know a few other very nice single late 40s farming type blokes (lots more men than women in the field, so to speak . . .). However probably not helpful unless you have a great wish to go to tractor runs, an interest in rare-breed sheep or something along those lines grin

NomNomNominativeDeterminism Wed 21-Mar-18 21:37:11

Develop an interest in fly-fishing.

Borderterrierpuppy Wed 21-Mar-18 21:44:46

One of my friends met her soon to be husband on Guardian soulmates.
She met a few frogs first but just used to have a coffee on first date, so only investing an hour and £3 or so. Worth a try?

Japanesejazz Wed 21-Mar-18 21:45:06

Thousands of us. The decent ones are taken and appreciated or too good to walk away. What’s out there are other women’s rejects (don’t question it) the ex is always a psycho! You might get lucky and hook a widower (and try to live up to a ghost). I’ve given up. I’m 46 (got ID checked buying wine last year, so young looking!) very fit, great figure, high earner, own my 5 bed house, no mortgage, no debts, my children are adults, loads of friends who think I’m great. Had over 2000 messages from OLD. Met with 4. All lovely men. 3 of them were still and probably will always be recovering from their partners infidelity. The other one had the daughter from hell

Tigerstripycat Wed 21-Mar-18 21:47:56

Ha, some good, niche ideas here! I’m not a farmer or a fly fisher but I suppose the principle is the same - think male hobbies and interests.
I actually work in a very male field but they’re either all age 28 and unmarried, or very married.
It’s bloody hard, and I live in a reasonably sized city too.

Also, I’m in a weird camp - too old for the young 40’s, who all seem to want 30 something women, but older men with grown up kids who are coming out of a marriage don’t want to date someone with a younger child, which I do get. Sigh.

Japanesejazz Wed 21-Mar-18 21:52:23

I cycle. No man joins a cycle group to meet women. They are far too interested in strava, and/or pimping their bike. The sweaty woman 100 yards behind they ain’t looking at!

Tigerstripycat Wed 21-Mar-18 22:00:15

Japanesejazz, you sound jaded, like me. Although you’ve clearly got so much to offer. I’m not sure what the answers are tbh. I never thought it would be this hard to meet someone I like confused

Donatello68 Wed 21-Mar-18 22:05:31

I am in completely the same boat!! Could have written the post myself. Watching with interest...

Peakypolly Wed 21-Mar-18 22:06:48

My SIL got a job on the checkout at Waitrose- they seemed very flexible around the weekends her ex had the kids- she was able to suss out the men buying ready meals for one and then she would swoop. She (mid-50s with teens) has been with her partner for a few years now and seems content.
A mate got a job in the show house on a new estate, she targeted a builder that did houses ideal for single Dads. That has worked out for her.
You’ve got to be more creative opgrin

Aminuts23 Wed 21-Mar-18 22:07:39

I’m watching too. Meeting someone in your 40s is tough I’m finding. I’m actually happily single but it’s not my plan to be alone forever. Tried OLD, hated it. My friends are all couples so no joy there. Who knows?

Japanesejazz Wed 21-Mar-18 22:15:56

I think for a lot of men in their age group their interest in sex has decreased, they have raised children and don’t want to do it again. Men of that age who find themselves single seem to be very lost, they fill their time with activities (cycling, running, fishing, football, rugby, cricket, train sets, involvement in their children’s hobbies). Their mothers are most likely still alive and step up to fill some or all of the ex wife’s roles. They don’t really have a need for us.

Japanesejazz Wed 21-Mar-18 22:19:04

As a lawyer who works 60-80 hours a week. I’m not loving the idea of a Saturday job at Waitrose checking out blokes who buy ready meals on the off chance! 😂

Poppiesway1 Wed 21-Mar-18 22:19:23

I’m in same boat as you op. In fact you could be me posting! QI tried taking ds2 to football and rugby clubs.. but it was mainly a gaggle of mums all wanting to drink wine in the clubhouse while their dc practised. Were no single dads...
I’ve tried POF and tinder.. even got involved with scouting grin which i now absolutely love but ended up with no time to do anything else to meet people hmm
I work in a very female dominated area and only men I come into contact with now are patients!! I went back to uni and did an MSc.. all women..
I’ve randomly dated a few people, also had a six month relationship (my dc couldn’t stand him though - even now 3 years later ds2 says how much he disliked him!) I’ve ended up very good friends with a bloke I met on Pof. But now I’ve been on and off online dating so many times in past 8 years that I recognise all the men on there as they’ve all been on there the same amount of time! No new people sad
I’ve given up ever meeting anyone now sad

PurpleCrowbar Wed 21-Mar-18 22:20:11

I've given up. The ones I meet all have 'crazy ex wives' who probably aren't anything of the kind, OR they have got through half a century on this planet without getting a relationship to stick & therefore aren't great long term bets.

Or they are DESPERATE to settle down.

I'm sure my male counterpart (divorced, older kids who'd be happy to see their parent having fun, solvent, attractive & looking to enjoy dating with a possible view to something more permanent but no pressure) is out there somewhere, but I've got really bored with filtering out non starters.

For now I have a younger chap & we are having fun - but whilst lovely he's not a keeper. We're at different stages in life & once the initial attraction wears off, I know we won't have enough in common to make a long term go of it.

It is what it is! I dream of a nice interesting bloke my own age.

MrSandman Wed 21-Mar-18 22:55:22

It sounds odd, but you could try an old fashioned matchmaking service? Or maybe Mumsnet should do dating....

OLD? I think it depends on which sites you look at, I dipped my toes into PoF for two hours, it was scary, Match is just massive and Zoosk felt superficial. I got so many mixed messages from the women I met that I've decided to take a break, and I'm actually considering an old fashioned match-making service. Maybe try Elite Singles and EHarmony first...

And I'm a 50 year old recently divorced, professional male who is solvent, active, virile, not bitter about his ex, has a nearly grown up daughter, and is generally well balanced. I even joined mumsnet because I wanted to try and understand the female perspective better, well, it was cheaper than reading Marie Claire.....

asleepymum Wed 21-Mar-18 23:00:25

A good way to meet men this age is to join a local political party. It's very social you meet up every month, can go canvassing every week if you wish to and you get lots of time to chat and get to know people. Often people go to the pub to socialise after the official meetings and do other social events. Most of which are designed around people with children. You will meet people involved in their local community therefore increasing your contact with potential suitors. Unless you are unlucky and they are all old and married in which case you can just cancel your membership. Good luck OP!

Tigerstripycat Wed 21-Mar-18 23:03:16

Good to hear people’s experiences. Love Waitrose dating woman. These people have strategies! It’s reassuring to know it’s not just me, as it does all feel pretty hopeless.

To be stuck with no options is a bit bewildering really - is 47 really that past it?!

By way of contrast, my male Tinder friend who’s 46, attractive, solvent and divorced seems to have no end of options. He literally goes on 3 dates a week. I feel like some dowdy matron in comparison and don’t get how it seems to be so different for a man. He’s going out with 40 something women and unfortunately there seems to be hundreds of us, all looking for the same things!!!

One guy in my office, 46 or so I’d say, just out of his marriage, has started a relationship with a 31 yr old female colleague. He’s attractive and a high earner but it makes you question it all really ie are men really just after younger women?

Temporaryanonymity Wed 21-Mar-18 23:08:26

Yeah, I'm a member of a political party. The men are pretty much all gay...

Tinkerbellx Wed 21-Mar-18 23:08:53

I'm 47 and was in my last relationship for 27 years ! ( married almost 25 ).
I spent a couple of years on my own then joined an old site .
I'd love to write about my experience of first time dating at 45 !!
It was memorable / fun and exciting .
I met a lot of men, and all except one I'd happily meet again for friendship .
I had my own tickl list in my head and followed the OLD thread on here .
That was a real help to me because I was very naive and the Mumsnet OLD. rules were actually spot on !

I met my current partner on the last date I went on . We've never gone a day without speaking in 14 months now and after a year exclusive he's spending the whole weekend at my house this weekend ( big move for us as I have dc and he does not ).
He's 43 and I'm 47 .
He has no dc which bothered me immensely but turns out he can't have children and never had a burning desire to have his own .

We have similar values which was a biggy for me .
I still can't quite believe how lucky I am . We're like a pair of teenagers still.... wake up at the same time in the night and just smirk etc . Got it bad I think !

Good luck though .
I'd given up when I met him so I guess I was more relaxed .
Enjoy your you time and you'll be more confident about what your looking for in a relationship after a few years single .
OLD is great for that x

Tigerstripycat Wed 21-Mar-18 23:22:41

Thanks Tinkerbell, yes like you were, I tend to be wary of men with no DC too. Maybe I need to change that - actually my ex- mother in law is very happily remarried to a man with no kids, but her own boys were grown up by the time she met him. I suppose I assume that men without children won’t understand how kids always come first, or might be unsympathetic with them growing up etc but this maybe isn’t fair.

Good luck with your relationship - it all sounds lovely. smile

GameChanger01 Thu 22-Mar-18 07:02:34

Most men in 40s unfortunately are set in their ways and feel they now deserve 30s and even late 20s women.

Worrynot1 Thu 22-Mar-18 08:44:29

Think also as a man in my early 50s I don't need a committed relationship, I have had my kids date when I want to and indulge my hobbies without having all the hassle of a full-time relationship. I date have some close female friends prefer to keep life simple.

HadronCollider Thu 22-Mar-18 08:55:40

Travel abroad OP? Always reading stories in mags about 40s and 50s somethings women meeting the loves of their lives abroad.

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