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Relationships

Boyfriends ex and mother of child won't leave us alone?

8 replies

Newtegan · 20/03/2018 21:56

So my boyfriend has a child with his ex partner, they split up about 3 years ago now.

To give a bit of background about this girl she contacted my family last year just to try and tell them what a bad boyfriend my partner was so they'd hate him and we'd split. She has also sent me nasty messages and slates the way I look everytime she needs to speak to him. Baring in mind I have always been the bigger person and not ever been nasty to her, I've always just let it go and not replied.

She now has me blocked on everything but continues to contact him requesting money every now and again for him to be able to take his son the the park for one hour, she's one of those typical use your kids as a weapon for money types of mum's. She also used to ring his phone without lie.. about 160 times a day, we used to be watching a film and his phone wouldn't even leave the call screen because it was her ringing over and over again just to see where he was.

I'm unsure what to do by this point, my boyfriend has tried to make it clear to her that he only wants to hear from her if it's about the child but she just doesn't get it.

Any ideas please? I'm fully aware they will always be in contact because of the child but I cannot take the way she won't leave him alone..

OP posts:
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DontDIY · 20/03/2018 22:04

He needs to get to court and get a contact order for a start, so that she can’t use access as a bargaining chip

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BlueEyedBengal · 20/03/2018 23:29

I agree he needs to sort it through a solicitor have it all down on paper what he has to give and when he has visitation and then if she messes around off plan you can remind her about the agreement she will soon learn when it is appropriate to ask and when it is not.

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Walkaboutwendy · 21/03/2018 01:11

Does he pay child maintenance?

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MistressDeeCee · 21/03/2018 01:18

How does she know your family's contact details? Why did she hav your number?

Is there a reason your boyfriend can't go to Court to sort out Contact? That's what he needs to do, to stop this harassment. I'm pretty sure he must know that tho.

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Shoxfordian · 21/03/2018 05:53

Does he pay child maintenance? Does he regularly see his child?

Her behaviour is clearly wrong but is your bf doing the best he can for his child?

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SandyY2K · 21/03/2018 06:32

I agree he needs to sort out access properly.

When she's ringing incessantly like that...he should just put the phone on silent and ignore it.

You should block her yourself too.

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PrimalLady · 21/03/2018 06:37

He can get a non molestation order from court. It's free. They will order her to stop contact. If she claims all the calls are about the kid then he simply insists only in an emergency, anything else can be communicated via letter, email or text since she cannot call appropriately.

I would report her to the police too. After three years this is just pathetic behaviour from a grown ass woman.

The guy I'm seeing has a nut job for an ex too. She was the one who forced me into a situation where I'd meet him. Then when I called her out on some of the behaviour I witnessed, and began helping him stop her abuse, She stalked me, threatened me and my children, spread vicious rumours that I take drugs and beat my kids, threatened to track down my daughters dad who was emotionally abusive and is the reason for my eating disorder, she was gonna tell him I take drugs in front of the kids. Whenever we went out, she would text him to say she knew where we were, what I was wearing etc. I rang her social worker every single time, demanded they go to her house to check the kids weren't suffering from her unstable behaviour (it was day in day out all day long) reported her to the police. It broke her eventually and she gave in.

She still makes up rumours and just walks in his house when he has his kids. She demands to know who's the white hair are in his hair brush. She even went in his bedroom taking pics of hairs on his pillow.

The comments about appearance are bitterness. I am anorexic and she would make comments that I looked like a heroin addict to people knowing they'd screenshot it to me. It did effect me. But I'm healthier now, largely thanks to him, i dont starve myself for more than a day (I was going a full week at my worst on just water I was incredibly ill when she did all this).

The main thing is though, there's no point getting upset. I did at first. But you know what. Even if I smoked weed all day long, in front of my kids, id still be a better parent than her. The comments about my appearance are just laughable. She's morbidly obese, her legs look like a bag of onions and I'm not normally one to comment on appearance either, but I also treat people how they treat me. And my words cut deeper.

We are only a few months in. Honestly, her behaviour can be stamped out in just a few short weeks but you both need to take the proper action and keep taking it. We got brushed of by so many because he is a big guy, and there is still massive stigma and disbelief against domestic violence and abuse against men. But that's exactly what this is. It's abuse and you have to make people take it seriously.

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WinnieTheW0rm · 21/03/2018 06:51

Does he pay her money in excess of regular maintenance? Given that CSA figure is the minimum the govt would chase you for, it's totally reasonable to wish to do better by your DC. So perhaps it would reduce the need for the two to talk if he added it to his existing payments.

Agree that you need a proper schedule of contact.

Then try to move parental communication to email only, with a phone that is turned on only when DC are with you (for urgent communications (suggest basic phone/text one only)

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