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How long does it take?

(17 Posts)
PrettyLittIeThing Tue 20-Mar-18 09:57:54

To get over someone? How long did it take you and what happened? Was it only till you met someone else? I'm asking as I can't seem to get over my ex. It's been 2 months now NC yet I still think about him daily. I won't be meeting anyone again as I don't want to but according to my friend you have to get under someone to get over someone but that won't be happening. Any other ways??

Emma198 Tue 20-Mar-18 09:58:35

How long were you with him?

PrettyLittIeThing Tue 20-Mar-18 10:01:34

8 years.

dkb15164 Tue 20-Mar-18 10:03:02

It took me 4 months to get over a guy I only dated for 6 months - can be easier/faster if you get proper closure on the relationship though.

Tenshidarkangel Tue 20-Mar-18 10:03:16

No, you take the time to heal and do what YOU need to do. Having sex with someone else works for some people but not everyone.
You will meet someone else but right now you're mourning the relationship, which is normal and perfectly healthy.
Personally, I like to arrange a few meet ups with friends and take some me time. I get my hair done, have some nice trips out organised and some me time. It helps take your mind off the break up.
Secondly, let yourself grieve. That's important.

Chasingstars88 Tue 20-Mar-18 10:05:17

8 years is a long time darling, give yourself to mourn the loss of a relationship and get out with your girls!

Maryberrycherry Tue 20-Mar-18 10:06:58

You must break all contact so no FB friends and all that nonsense. Cold turkey works best. For some people it takes a long while. It depends how strong the connection was. I still think about someone 18 years later despite being married to someone else for the last 10. Some people have a bigger effect on your life than others.

Take as long as you need. I don’t buy into this getting under someone else stuff. Often that makes you feel worse.

ontheshelf Tue 20-Mar-18 11:50:24

Following with interest although nothing helpful to add other than I can completely relate to how you feel - it’s hard wine

Ravenscloak Tue 20-Mar-18 12:03:36

It’s about 1 month for every year you were together, but obviously that’s just a guide. So don’t beat yourself up about caring still, 8 years is a long time. I dabbled in OLD but really wasn’t bothered, then had a great date which helped me move on.

BodakBlue Tue 20-Mar-18 12:14:03

Me and my ex broke up 2 years ago and I'm still not 100% over him. I think it depends on how your relationship ended and how you felt at the time when it did.
Just take the time to heal yourself and do what works best for you, what works for one person won't always work for another.
Sending love OP flowers

hellsbellsmelons Tue 20-Mar-18 12:38:38

2 months!!!!
After 8 years.
No way - you won't be over that yet!
Are people telling you that you should be 'over it' by now?
If so then they are knobs!
I was with my ExH for 15 years.
Took at least a year before I started to feel myself again.
It's a grieving process and we all grieve at different rates.
There is no set time.
It's said give it a month for each year so you won't be close to being over it soon!
Be kind to yourself.
Give yourself time.
Don't rush things.
Keep busy.

PrettyLittIeThing Tue 20-Mar-18 12:43:01

Well my friend is convinced I should meet someone new she doesn't even like me mentioning my ex but for certain reasons I won't be dating again so that's not a possibility. She did actually say to get over someone you need to get under someone but that's what she does, she's out on a date as soon as she breaks up with someon (like that weekend) so obviously works for her but doesn't mean it will work for everyone. But mostly I want to be over it myself. I'm sick of waking up every day thinking of him. I just wonder when that stops?!

hellsbellsmelons Tue 20-Mar-18 12:50:04

Don't get roped into a 'rebound' relationship.
When I split with my ExH I thought dating might be a good idea.
It was NOT!
Did more harm than good.
You do this as your own pace.
Tell your friend her way works for her and that's fine but it doesn't for you.
When you say 'for certain reasons' you won't be dating again, is that something that counselling could help with?
Not sure if you want to elaborate but don't rule it out totally.

PrettyLittIeThing Tue 20-Mar-18 13:07:27

Oh just my children really (he is the father of them but I had to cut all contact so he doesn't see them either.) I have 4 and I've thought about it and I just wouldn't want to bring another man around them.

char187 Tue 20-Mar-18 13:08:36

It varies. I was with my dcs father for 7 years and was over him before it even ended. Soon as we officially said 'we are done' that was it.

I then dated a guy for only 3 months. Took me a year to get over him.

Orangecake123 Tue 20-Mar-18 13:28:41

Boy 1: the first guy I fell in love with. Lasted a year on and off. Took a year and a bit despite the fact he was horrible and emotionally abusive.
Boy 2: A 9 month thing = a good 9 months.
Man 1: 13 months. It's officially 12 days. 5 no contact.

There isn't a set time you should be over it.The thing is it takes as long as it takes. Journal. Cry. Keep busy.Take a weekend break. Do things that make you feel good like a spa trip or a massage.

Wellyboots86 Tue 20-Mar-18 16:13:55

I’m 10 months into the split now after a 16 year relationship. I was told multiple times to work on an average of 1 Month for every year you were together but it really varies.

I’m no longer an emotional wreck like I was at the start but I’m definitely still pining for the loss of my ex and the family unit we used to be. Doesn’t help that they got into a new relationship immediately with the person they cheated with and now I see them together most weekends when we swap the kids.

As others have said, allow yourself to be sad when you need to, there’s no shame in being upset over something that you never saw happening. You will get over it in time or at least get to a stage where it’s not all you think of day in day out.

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