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Support and Wisdom at the Crown Cafe (NC Part 10)

(994 Posts)
Basseting Mon 19-Mar-18 21:06:12

welcome to all going / maintaining No Contact
for whatever reason. Support, advice, wisdom and fun available here.
(and virtual coffee and cake too).

Basseting Mon 19-Mar-18 21:08:22

Roll up, roll up.... [grin}

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Mon 19-Mar-18 21:12:36

Thanks for setting it up beautiful lady. Get cracking on the Eggs Benedict!

Basseting Mon 19-Mar-18 21:19:32

EG coming right up. Coffee, tea, mimosas if you're in the mood?
sausages, bacon, fluffy rolls. Fruit platters, granola, yoghurt.
Blueberry muffins and warm cheese scones. grin

seshi Mon 19-Mar-18 21:20:33

Hi just posted on old thread.

So will repost

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
The Fabulous Crown wearing cafe. No contact thread part 9...999Show OP
Today 17:30 Basseting

NK Lass Belonger seshi THANK YOU!!!

I just got back and managed not to cry. The Minutes of the meeting are 'creative' too (and leave lots of bits out). The teacher I spoke to just now who is in charge of dd's 'well being' has not even seen the Head for 2 weeks - the lack of communication is incredible for such a small place.
seshi I will. I will pm you too re dates.x

Today 17:47 Belonger

How are you doing seshi?

Today 17:49 Belonger

Welcome anon!

Today 18:23 NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5

Basseting is there any plan of action for your DD now?

Seshi how are you doing now?

Hi everyone else!

Today 18:56 Oldbrook

Hmm I think I’ll stop counting now. It was great at first as marked my progress but don’t need to anymore as it’s harder to know what to count from now anyway, plus I can figure it out. The concert is s good marker

Today 19:02 Oldbrook

belonger I’ll pm you!

Today 19:08 anxiousnow

Seshi glad it seems it wasn't him.

Today 19:12 anxiousnow

Oldbrook - so pleased your new job went well and very very pleased about spring in your step.

That's a lesson to me. When you think only NC can give you back that spring.

Seshi I agree it is scary how quickly you fall when you think you are starting to get there. I hope the gig will make things a lot clearer for you.

Ravens is the thought of contacting him after the 30 days all that is keeping you going through with it atm? I agree with others, sometimes we basically need to reach the point of no more hope before we can start to heal.

Today 19:23 Basseting

NK No. It's all in my head apparently. The fact she wont get out of the car, is coming into school in tears, having nosebleeds, eczema etc is all that she is picking up my stress hmm

Today 19:38 NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5

Don't listen to them Basseting a mother knows best. I've been to school about my DD (age 6) and everyone including my H and other family members, school.etc said there was nothing. She is going through an assessment and it's bringing up a number of things and diagnoses. Stick to your guns flowers

Today 19:48 Basseting

NK thank you! They are refusing to assess and I think they will refer to social services if I push it. It is not an uncommon tactic around here but its pretty stressful I must say.

Today 19:54 Ravenscloak

That’s a good question anxious
NC is helpful for me get a better perspective. But oldbrook said if I could contact him and not care if he’s moved on then it ok to contact him. But I wouldn’t bother to contact him if that’s how I felt.

I need to give it long enough for him to have had some space. But probably for me to move on I have to know at some point it’s over. Never contacting him is all very well, but I’m not sure if it would drag my hope out longer. (Its been two months, three months etc.) I know that the whole idea of NC is to just get on with life and you do move on. If I met him and he said he had met someone else it would at least give me my answer.

I feel confused about it all right now - probably because 30 days is nearly up and I now have some decisions to make ... I’m not nearly as strong as I though sad

Today 19:55 NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5

Can you bypass the school and go via another route. Over here you can get an assessment independent of the school.

Today 20:21 Basseting

I think they will refer to SS if I do? It was really nasty.
amazing what people will do if they feel their 'reputations' are threatened.

Today 20:30 Basseting

Plus exH is having more chest pains and was really aggressive with me this morning (kids in school). He threw his meds at me and drove off.(cos its all my fault) I told him to go to his GP. He did. But i got more grief on the phone tonight. I honestly cant take any more from him.
Honestly it has been the most awful day. (sorry)

Picks up crown. Puts it on. Day 8. Onwards and upwards to a shiny new thread soon. Can we call it: 'Cafes, Crowns and Support'? (as that is what we get on here)

Today 20:43 Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname

oh Basseting what a shit day for you . So sorry to hear all this . As Mums we always seem to be the ones who are in the middle , who have to look after everyone else and keep them all happy but whoever looks after us ?

Today 20:45 Belonger

basseting what a rotten day. Am I understanding right that the school is threatening you with reporting you to social services? That sounds crazy, to use that as a threat, either they have concerns or they haven't! And I would have thought that SS are so overworked that they won't welcome spurious claims from them! Is be tempted to call their bluff tbh.

Your ex sounds a pain in the arse, and a bully. How often do you have to see him?

Today 20:49 Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname

ravens are you sure you are ready to deal with contact yet or non contact if you do and he doesn't get back to you ? 30 is only a number / a guideline ....see how it goes ?

Meanwhile this came in on my feed and again I think FB is reading my mind ...

tinybuddha.com/blog/fully-heal-broken-heart-make-sure/

Today 20:51 user1493423934

Basseting that's awful. So sorry you're going through this. I have 3 SN kids so can relate a bit . . . luckily their school is helpful.

Gah going NC when you have children together is so hard! I hate having to see him. Have read Natalie Baggage reclaim advice on keeping all conversations etc solely about children but I just don't want to see him. Does anyone else have this issue?

Today 20:53 Basseting

Belonger yes. It is not uncommon around here it seems. School had refused to do an assessment. I had asked a County 'expert' at a public meeting. She had said she could 'look into it', sent Head an email and the Head went ballistic (wont show me email, said I was 'stressing out her teachers' and that dd should walk to school with a friend instead. Bonkers. Dd was crying in bed just now about 'school tomorow'. But its all in my head, obvs sad sorry. I am sick and tired of it all tonight. ExH is a drain. I know he is ill but he still has energy to complain and make me feel unsafe. Can I come live down under with one of you guys pls? at least it wouldnt be so sodding cold!

Today 20:56 Basseting

Seshi whatsapp or whatsappmessenger???

Today 21:07 Basseting

I just STARTED PART 10

SUPPORT AND WISDOM AT THE CROWN CAFE.

(hope that's okay and dont knwo how to link, sorry!)

Today 21:11 NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5

Thanks Basseting flowers

Today 21:17 seshi

Hi everyone.... Thank you for your support today. I am feeling better... Seen three girlfriends today who have rallied round. I am trying not to worry now until Thursday.... I will contact him then I think. @ravens are you sure you want to contact him? I can't believe how being in contact with my NC has set me back. I was so incredibly upset yesterday and today and so happy to hear from him. He's completely back in my head now... I know I have a mission to get him to the gig but my god its a gamble as I am no longer as strong as I was. So if you still feel vulnerable I would leave it for a bit....

I am so tired tonight.... Apologies for not mentioning everyone xxx

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seshi

seshi Mon 19-Mar-18 21:21:51

Oh my god what have I done!???

Basseting Mon 19-Mar-18 21:24:12

Slings Seshi a jug of mimosa and a bacon roll or two.
She needs it.... grin

seshi Mon 19-Mar-18 21:25:15

Omg I am so sorry.... blush

seshi Mon 19-Mar-18 21:25:31

Told you I was tired!!!!

Oldbrook Mon 19-Mar-18 21:26:14

Checking in for my first day of not counting

Basseting Mon 19-Mar-18 21:26:39

Me too. Having started thread 10 I am buggering off to bed.
Today wont improve any now and I am SO TIRED. Night all.
Enjoy the grub.x

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname Mon 19-Mar-18 21:45:08

I'm with you oldbrook on the no counting despite having a possible glimpse of NC in town today ( highly visible in public due to job) . I couldn't get a clear look though as he would have seen me staring ... It probably wasn't even him but it set me off on thinking about revenge again for a spell. FFS !

Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname Mon 19-Mar-18 21:45:58

seshi hahahahahahaaa.... grin

anxiousnow Mon 19-Mar-18 22:04:04

Seshi gringrin

Basseting - goodnight lovely, thanks for starting new thread. Sorry your day has been so crao, hope you get a good sleep xx

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Mon 19-Mar-18 22:59:08

Love this

Ravenscloak Mon 19-Mar-18 23:24:01

basseting sorry you had such an awful day. You’re doing so well supporting your DD.

Oldbrook Mon 19-Mar-18 23:52:47

basdetting flowers

nk love the quote

user that must be hard having to see him! At least not wanting to see him is progress of sorts though?

I still don’t want to see nc so might be dodging yet another thing this week. I’m really getting over it though and tempted just to go. Not to see him but my other friends. But - I still don’t really want to although am much more ready than I was even a week ago

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Tue 20-Mar-18 00:02:27

I don't think you're ready Oldbrook you were sending smoke signals last week. I think he'll reel you back in

Oldbrook Tue 20-Mar-18 00:06:37

nk you are right! I need a month of radio silence

anxiousnow Tue 20-Mar-18 00:39:14

Lovely quote NK how are you?

Oldbrook - why undo the progress by seeing him too soon?

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Tue 20-Mar-18 00:49:06

I'm all over the place Anxious. Every aspect of my life seems to be exploding and in the middle of it all H is walking around with the saddest looking face. NC is only confusimg me more and more as each day goes by and my behaviour this week is that of someone I dont even recognise. Seriously roll on 2019 because 2018 is rubbish.

How are You?

I agree with Anxious Oldbrook.

anxiousnow Tue 20-Mar-18 01:03:31

Aww lovely bless you flowersxx Is NC being inconsistent? Last i read he was messaging a lot while away. By your behaviours you mean how you are reacting to NC or something else
Please try not to worry about H. He is trying to manipulate you. It isn't fair. Think of your sad face for the last 6 years xx

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 Tue 20-Mar-18 01:08:23

Thanks Anxious. NC is starting to get deep and then pulling back. I did pull him up on this but he just can't/won't go past a certain point so I think I'll leave him be to work out stuff in his own head. He is bringing up stuff, not me but then he goes AWOL. He continued to message me all through his holiday and asked me not to be hard on him because he'd been drinking. Am I right in thinking I'll just leave him be and if he knows where I am if he wants me.

anxiousnow Tue 20-Mar-18 01:13:42

Does he know you are separating yet? If not, could be be pulling back because he doesn't think you will be 'available and knows you won't cheat.
I know you have said before that if you saw him in person you would be able to read him better and get to the bottom of it. Do you feel strong enough for this? If not, I would as you say, leave him to it. If he starts to go deep, try not to get drawn in. If he asks why you can tell him. I think you have so much going on at the moment that you seem happier when you and NC are having light convos rather than the deep ones.

anxiousnow Tue 20-Mar-18 01:15:04

I'd withdraw a bit I think. Not ignore him but don't initiate and change subject if he gets heavy.

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