Godparents not taking any interest

[Molldoll831]

I would be grateful for anyone's advice on this as I can't decide whether I'm justified being hurt or should just let it go. When our daughter was born in 2014, we asked two close friends to be her godparents - the husband of this couple has been one of my DH's very very good friends for close to 10 years. They were groomsmen at each other's weddings and over time we got to know each other all together and would have spent a lot of time together as a four. However I'm really regretting the decision now. Since she was born, they've seen her 3 times (we only live an hour's drive from each other). Her most recent birthday and Christmas went by without even a text of acknowledgement or a card, and they've cancelled the last couple of visits I've arranged without any offering any other day - I've offered to drive to them too, but it's always really hard to pin them down and arrangements stay so vague that the weekend comes and goes without it happening. I'm getting a bit embarrassed to keep on trying and think maybe we expected too much- but having said that, all I want is the odd "how's she doing?" text or for them to come see us even an odd weekend. Not just because Id like her to have a relationship with her godparents but because they're our friends and we've so much history together. It's not about presents or grand gestures just taking a bit of an interest as you'd hope any good friends would. What would you do? Im kind of at the point of accepting the friendship may have run it's course regardless...I have tried to broach the subject once and say we missed them and would love for DD to get to know them more but it didn't change anything! Thanks in advance x

[RainyApril]

I don't think your story is that unusual tbh. IME it is quite common for godparents to lose interest before the dc reaches adulthood or teen years.

Where your story is quite sad is the speed with which they lost interest, and one wonders why they ever accepted the role in the first place.

Unfortunately you can't make them interested, so I think you have no choice but to accept that the friendship has run its course. When they have dc of their own they may realise how badly they've dropped the ball here, but I wouldn't sit around waiting for that to happen.

Surround your dc with people who love them, so that these people mean nothing.

[hellsbellsmelons]

My DD godfather fell out with family when she was 2.
He hasn't seen her or tried at all for 18+ years now.
Other godfather was great at the beginning but hasn't bothered in years and years.
Godmother doesn't bother anymore either and she is very religious!
I'm a godmother and see my godson all the time.
I would just forget about it.
It happens!

[ElspethFlashman]

Some people basically believe godparents should be faux aunties and uncles.

Some people believe its just a gesture.

I am definately in the latter camp, and once the christening is over, I regard their duty as done. Im a godparent and unfortunately Ive realised that the parents who asked me were in the former camp, despite me living in a different country. I like my godchild, but I dont think I need to be super close to her or anything. To me, shes basically "my friends child" and no different to my other friends children. I suspect im a disappointment as a godparent to her folks. But they didnt even have a christening in the end so its all bollocks really!

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I'm actually a replacement godparent. My friend only wanted people who went to church as godparents so that ruled me out. However she drifted apart from the lady who became the godparent and we have always been in her daughter's life so I am now the official fake godmother.

Having said that,I don't really treat her any differently to my friend's other kids in terms of gifts or interest (though she is my favourite and DD1's best friend.)

My friend's other kids all had quite interested godparents so she didn't want my one to be left out. DH is also godfather to her youngest, now we have proved our god parenting worth.

[JKCR2017]

I think it’s quite common for this to happen to be honest. I never knew any of my godparents growing up. They were my mums good friends at the same time but after having kids my mum seen them less..

My mother also has god children she doesn’t really see or bother with.

It’s sad I know.. but sometimes people become too involved in their own lives!

My own DS has a godmother he doesn’t really hear from, ever. But his other godmother is amazing! I think it all depends on the relationships with the parents. 😃

[Sometimeitrains]

Hmm did they know what your expectations where when they agreed to do it?. Did the priest discuss the reason for the role and what it entails beforehand?
If no then it really was just a token gesture on both sides wasnt it and you should let it go. Being hurt is understandable but you cant force them to act out a role if they never really agreed to it.