Hi all, I appreciate this is quite a deep first post haha, I've joined this forum as I've read threads on here a few times and I've always been pleasantly surprised at how helpful and nice everyone seems to be, so I'm hoping someone can give me some much needed advice.
I've been with my husband now for 11 years. We've got a great relationship, I married my best friend, and he's a truly fantastic guy, apart from one problem.
Put simply, we just don't have sex any more. He wasn't always like this - although he's never been adventurous in the bedroom, he used to have a pretty normal sex drive, but over around the last 7 years this has gradually reduced more and more. He never makes the first move (and when I do, more often than not it's rebuffed). He's also stopped doing oral, we only ever do it in one position. Put simply, it's also got boring. I'm really sorry if that's too much information, I'm just trying to be as honest as I can.
We've had multiple conversations about it, and on the few occasions he's opened up to me, he says he simply doesn't think about sex any more. He says the urge is gone. He's got massive confidence issues and says he doesn't know how to make the first move any more and he 'doesn't feel like a man'. He's had a few other problems and was consequently diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago and has been on anti-depressants since then. The tablets seemed to have helped with everything else but the sex. We've been back to the doctors a couple of times, but they don't seem to take it seriously at all.
I'm at my wits end - I love him dearly, but at 30 years old I feel like what should be the best years of our lives are being destroyed by this. I used to be a confident person but I'm really becoming a shadow of that after so long. I feel unattractive and unwanted even though he assures me time and time again it's not me.
I really want to know if anyone has ever had anything similar to this and if they got through it and how? We've been looking into sex therapy through relate - has anyone done this? Did it work? What does it entail?
Really would appreciate any help.
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Relationships
My husband won't have sex with me
Lemmon3101 · 18/03/2018 22:31
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