sex, anxiety and guilt

[Maccapacca88]

I split with my ex just over a year ago whilst pregnant. It was messy but not in the usual sense. We loved each other, but I had a mental health crisis and he couldn't cope. We are now in a good place as co-parenters and friends.

I've recently been speaking to an earlier ex who has been through his own issues and has come out the other side and is doing well. Our relationship was turbulent but passionate. We went through a lot together. We were very young and stupid but I think we have both changed a hell of a lot since then and have decided to meet up in person.

The issue is that my anxiety is kicking in and somehow I feel like I am betraying my kids by showing an interest in someone other than their dad. I also feel like I am betraying him because I still feel that our relationship breakdown was my fault and if I could just have kept my head together it wouldn't have happened.

Has anyone been through similar?

[Maccapacca88]

Anyone?

[MMmomDD]

OP - do you see a counsellor?
I really think the sort of questions you are asking is better placed for him/her.

But - from an outsiders perspective - of course you aren’t betraying him.
He had a chance to stay with you and help your through the hardest times in your life, and you were also pregnant.
So he left his unborn child with a mom who couldn’t cope.
Doesn’t paint him in the best light.

It wasn’t your choice to be to be u well, and so - not your fault relationship broke down.
He left you.

You can and should get yourself out there and find someone who’d stick around not only in good times.

But as to your anxiety and other MH issues that this all brings - do, please do reach out to a proper specialist for help.
You have kids to take care of. And they need a mother who is in good shape

[Maccapacca88]

I do see a counsellor and am on anti-depressants. I've been in quite good shape for a while now. I've always had issues with guilt and self criticism. I'm getting a lot better with it though! Thanks so much for your reply. I just needed some outside perspective I think.

[clippityclock]

God don’t feel guilty. Your ex betrayed you by leaving you at your most vulnerable. Decent Jen don’t do that and in fact I’ve seen a lot of semi decent men stay and support their partner through mental health. You owe him nothing and none of your guilt and anxiety.

[clippityclock]

Men not Jen!!

[Lordoftheringsting]

Are you certain you are in the right place mentally to embark on a new relationship?

[Sometimeitrains]

You and your childrens father have split up. If neither one of you want a relationship beyond friends and co parents the there is nothing to worry about.

[Maccapacca88]

Thanks for your replies! lordoftheringsting (great name ) Maybe not, but as it stands we are only meeting, I'm not expecting anything serious from it at the moment.