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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

The disappearing guy

15 replies

GameChanger01 · 17/03/2018 18:56

Why do guys keep reappearing and disappearing- guy I dated several months ago and claimed not ready for commitment after sex but wanted to keep in contact. I've moved on but he keeps sending texts here and there, signed with a kiss and basically never tries to meetup. His excuse is something in his day reminded him of me. The texts are not too frequent at all.

OP posts:

Report

GeekyWombat · 17/03/2018 18:59

I came to the conclusion it's a kind of reassurance of keeping someone on the back burner - a bit of an ego boost of the 'ah, she's still replying. I could go back if I wanted to'.

I had a couple where I couldn't resist going 'whose number IS this?' just to burst the bubbles...

Ryder63 · 17/03/2018 19:02

I agree with Geeky. Keeping you on the back burner, in case he fancies another shag with you sometime. Block or reply as above!

GameChanger01 · 17/03/2018 19:11

It's kind of hard to do that as it's whatsapp and I see his picture come up. I honestly don't think he is just after a shag though as he could literally just ask and it's not like we had a rampant sex beforehand. I honestly think he has issues.

OP posts:

letsdolunch321 · 17/03/2018 19:13

Block his number

dirtybadger · 17/03/2018 19:18

Boredom? Being a bit weird? Do you reply? If you do, stop. Hopefully he will stop. If you dont, then the next stage is to block him.

PatchworkElmer · 17/03/2018 19:23

Just ignore him.

TopOfTheCliff · 17/03/2018 19:24

I dated a strange man for a while. He would disappear off and go quiet for weeks. Eventually he stood me up so I went out with someone else. From time to time he would pop up to ask if I was still seeing Bloke No 2. It gave me some satisfaction to report than Bloke 2 and I were going steady, moving in together, buying a house and eventually getting married. Since I became Mrs Bloke No 2 he hasn't been in touch
People like this don't really want a girlfriend. I think they just like to idea of one. Reality is too hard for them.

Zeelove · 17/03/2018 19:26

I had this . He was Asian and 'couldn't' be with a white woman. Every couple of weeks he'd pop up send a pic of us, a song or something. He just wanted a shag. I NEVER let him have a second go pleased to say

GameChanger01 · 17/03/2018 19:31

I agree I usually do after day or too. Once it was around the time my friends were having a social which I invited him too and he was super eager and came along, was overly nice and friendly and suggested we meet up again.

Of course a week later when he didn't follow through I asked him about meeting up and he became evasive and couldn't remember suggesting it even though I know he did!

He is so weird at times. I honestly think he enjoys the dating, thrill of chase but just does not want to commit to anyone... yet whenever I'm with him he flirts, talks about how he mentions me to his parents yada yada.

OP posts:

TopOfTheCliff · 17/03/2018 19:43

Game you are wasting your time with this one. If you want a proper relationship with a whole person then stop messing about and get rid. He is never going to shape up. This is what he is. Sorry.

GameChanger01 · 17/03/2018 19:54

Cliff I agree. I guess I'm just fishing for success stories from guys who have acted like this. This particular one was so good on paper and I think it would have worked quite well for both of us if he wasn't Mr Commitment-phobe

OP posts:

Fooferella · 17/03/2018 20:08

@GameChanger01 they don't change. He might meet someone else and go the whole hog with her but he will never, ever give you what you want. If you were the one he wanted, you would know it. My DH asked me on the fourth date if I thought we could be exclusive girlfriend/boyfriend. He has ALWAYS been straightforward about wanting to be together... even now, after 10 yrs together, 1 DC and a shit-ton of baggage (from both of us).

Like SATC says "He's just not that into you". Put your energy into things you like doing, into meeting someone nice, into not being someone's ego boost or also ran.

Irishtwinmumma · 17/03/2018 22:49

Ignore/block NEXT!

littletinyme1 · 17/03/2018 22:55

Some people use on, z, line dating as an ego rub. They fool themselves into thinking you might be interested. Ignore.

ThirdTimeUnlucky · 18/03/2018 06:40

This sounds so familiar. I met a guy on OLD and we got on brilliantly. We msg for a while, he'd disappear etc. Went NC for a month but his excuse was he lost his phone. I only found out when he hand delivered a card thro my door explaining. So, like a mug, I thought he was genuine. However, no attempt to meet up again. After a while, I stopped responding to his msgs. I really think it was just an ego boost for him. Forget and move on. x

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