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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Ex keeps threatening suicide

62 replies

ConfusedMotherOfOne · 17/03/2018 03:07

What do I do? He's said he will see our son (18 months) Sunday and drop him at his mums Sunday night (he's staying there) for the last time and he won't see either of us again. What do I do??

OP posts:

Report

Greenyogagirl · 17/03/2018 03:14

Does he have form for this? Does he suffer with depression?
Or is he controlling and trying to get you back?

Ivebeenaroundtheblock · 17/03/2018 03:15

Report to the police?

Phosphorus · 17/03/2018 03:16

Don't let him take your son.

Contact a solicitor, show them the messages, and ask them to apply to the courts for supervised contact.

Then leave him to his own devices. He isn't your problem.

RavenclawRealist · 17/03/2018 03:23

Has he got form for this some people use these kinds of threats for emotional blackmail? If not can you forward the messages to his DM?

feldz131 · 17/03/2018 03:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PrizeOik · 17/03/2018 03:43

Contact police, engage a solicitor and for the love of God do not let him take your son anywhere.

SD1978 · 17/03/2018 03:54

Personally I wouldn’t allow my child to go. He can have a supervised in public visit (at most) anyone threatening self harm whilst having your child or juts after dropping your child off, shouldn’t be allowed unsupervised visitation. Cease all communication except in writing. Don’t allow him to try and manipulate you. If you believe his threat is real, contact psychiatric services and have him assessed. Do not however engage yourself. You can’t help him. He is not your responibility, don’t allow him to manipulate you

Ceebeegee · 17/03/2018 04:08

Exactly what @PrizeOik said.

fitbitbore · 17/03/2018 04:09

Ask the health visitor to contact safeguarding to protect your child.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 17/03/2018 04:32

You do not let him take DS out of your house.

You tell his Mum
You tell his friends if you know them

Then you tell him to ring the Samaritans & tell them about his thoughts on the issue.

Do not let him take DS, not even for a walk or whatever.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 17/03/2018 04:43

Don’t let him take your child this weekend. Has he said this sort of thing before? Does he have a history of depression at all? Do you think he’s saying it for attention?

I’d definitely want supervised contact through court that’s the direction I’d go in and have had to with my ex who also said things like this. He is abusive and suicide threats were one of his go to actions when he wasn’t getting his own way. I asked the police to go round to do a welfare check on him once, just incase. Stopped him making any more calls to me like that(!)

LoveProsecco · 17/03/2018 04:48

Great advice above

user1486956786 · 17/03/2018 06:27

Do you think it's genuine or for attention ? Either way, I would inform his mum and not let him take your son!

ConfusedMotherOfOne · 17/03/2018 06:38

Thanks all. I've been assessed by health visitor etc and they said me and my son were at risk of being harmed by his emotional abuse before I guess it's just another part of this but to be honest this time I am quite worried. He's had suicidal thoughts before.

OP posts:

Ginge12 · 17/03/2018 06:42

Encourage him to contact the crisis team if he won't and says he is going to do something you need to ring the police when he is going to do it, there is nothing they can do before if he has a set time.

Ginger1982 · 17/03/2018 07:21

It's simple. Do not let him take your son. If he has a problem with that tell him to get s solicitor and he can explain to them why he should get contact while making these sorts of comments. I couldn't give my DS to anyone threatening to harm themselves.

user1493413286 · 17/03/2018 07:24

Under no circumstances let him have your son and instead call the police and report it.
If he’s in any way serious you don’t want your son out at risk and the police can take him to a place of safety. if it’s an empty threat then it might give him a bit of a wake up call

char187 · 17/03/2018 08:16

I do suspect it's some sort of black mail. Dont let him take your son anywhere. I'd even go as far as staying somewhere else for the weekend if you can do he can't just turn up and demand he takes your son. Contact the police, forward the messages to his family. You've done what you can to help then.

forumdonkey · 17/03/2018 08:24

Are these threats in a message? Great advice above, report to police and contact a solicitor. Ime, those that shout about it rarely do it.

AnnaMagnani · 17/03/2018 10:14

Don't drop off your son, contact your solicitor and if you are in touch with his mum warn her that he has expressed concerns about his mental health.

Either it's a serious threat in which case he is not safe to have your son and he should be sorting out his mental health.

Or it's more emotional blackmail and to be ignored.

Either way, you don't rescue him and you don't expose a child to it.

cestlavielife · 17/03/2018 10:18

As above
Tell everyone who knows him. Do not hide this.
If genuine he needs help
If not genuine people need to know his threats
Don't send your d's
Woukd you leave your d's with a teacher or childminder who was telling you they were suicidal ?
Contact police if he is not with other people and give them the information.

cestlavielife · 17/03/2018 10:19

Remind yourself you are not responsible for this adult
You are responsible for your d's and you

Angelf1sh · 17/03/2018 10:28

If he wants to kill himself, he will. You can’t stop him and I wouldn’t bother getting upset about it or talking to him over it. Tell the police if you’re worried. As others have said, definitely don’t let him take your son, just in case.

EyepatchOfTravis · 17/03/2018 10:39

As hard as this is, you cannot take responsibility for whether he harms himself or not. He is responsible for his own decisions.

As others have said, please do not let him take your son this weekend and please flag it up to authorities as a matter of urgency. He may possibly present a physical danger to your son - at the very least, he certainly presents an emotional danger.

I also agree - contact the police and his mum, then make peace with the fact that you've done what you can. Whether it's a cry for help or not is beside the point. He has no right to hold this over your head and he has to take personal responsibility for his actions.

So sorry you're putting up with this

OnTheRise · 17/03/2018 14:46

I agree with everyone else. You have to protect yourself and your son. Don't let him take your son anywhere. Insist that he only has supervised visits. Pass his suicide threats on to the authoritiespolice, solicitor, whoeverand let them deal with him, and do not respond.

You really don't need this. I'm so sorry.

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