Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Bad stuff happened since relationship is it a sign ?

(32 Posts)
meme70 Fri 16-Mar-18 13:09:13

My husband and I have been together 5 years. Since we’ve been in our relationship has some awful things happen to us do you think it’s a sign to spot up or pull together ?

We had his ex harass me as he ended it with her long before I came along.

His ex wife makes unreasonable demands with his daughter and has constantly made things really hard for me. Using her daughter as a weapon if we don’t do what she says my husband can’t see his daughter to her being found out she’s a drug addict and an alcoholic so social services git involved.

Then the house we rent is terribly damp black walls and ceilings on going problems and landlord won’t fix any of them.

All our electrical appliances keep breaking in 4 years we’ve had
2 cookers
2 washing machines
4 toasters
4 kettles
3 microwaves
3 hoovers
2 PCs
3 TVs

I was pregnant in 2016 mc at 8 weeks
Fell immediately to twins lost one at 8 weeks then had hemoraghing bedrest caught sepsis lost Lily at 5 months pregnant was in intensive care

Then I had hemoraghing for 2 months 11 blood transfusions in 3 months with a blue light ambulance to resuss

Not allowed to try for another baby.

We brought land and it has planning permission for a house 1 year of hell trying to build this house
Dodgy builders awful neighbours
Council lying

We’ve lost one cat she got run over 4 weeks after we lost baby lily she was 15 months

We lost my cat I had 11 years 2 weeks ago he has mouth cancer

I know worse things can happen but I wonder why so much happens to us?

LesisMiserable Fri 16-Mar-18 13:28:41

Life is sadly cruel.sometimes, to everyone not just you. If you can get through everything together, you'll be ok.

meme70 Fri 16-Mar-18 13:54:10

I know your right
Thankyou for replying some days it just is so stressful x

hellsbellsmelons Fri 16-Mar-18 14:01:14

Sometimes we just get a run of bad luck.
Honestly, if you can pull together and get through this, you can get through anything.
I'd trade all that for what I'm going through right now.
Just tackle each thing the best way you can.
You'll get there!

abbsisspartacus Fri 16-Mar-18 14:04:29

Take things a step at a time re the landlord contact shelter for advice for his daughter seek legal advice etc etc and deal with them one at a time

It will get better

Wellfuckmeinbothears Fri 16-Mar-18 14:11:43

I’m sorry to hear all that op, what a difficult time you’ve had. I think though that providing all is well in your relationship you need to pull together.

I’m so sorry for your losses flowers

meme70 Fri 16-Mar-18 14:14:25

hellsbellsmelons
I know people are worse off than us but I’ve had an awful life
Grew up watching my dad beat my mum daily
8 years fertility treatment
Something else I can’t really say on here but it was worse abuse a women can have
Many things I suppose it’s life for some of us

meme70 Fri 16-Mar-18 14:16:03

abbsisspartacus We are having a house built so won’t hoepfulky be here this winter but the landlord has indicated he’d evict us if we complained and it’s easy to do he can just say he’s selling house

The daughter thing is okay atm nmbut her Mum has mental health issues for control and that’s impossible to stop

Thankyou

meme70 Fri 16-Mar-18 14:16:50

Wellfuckmeinbothears

It’s a relationahio good days and bad lol but I was getting parinoid

Thankyou for your kind words ❤️

LesisMiserable Fri 16-Mar-18 14:42:28

OP, yesterday I went to.the funeral of an 18 year old - he'll never get to live, learn and grow. You have life. You are blessed. You have the means and opportunity to build a home of your own, when people are homeless, how bad can it be? You seriously need to count your blessings and change your outlook. We all do.

Footle Fri 16-Mar-18 16:03:55

LesisMiserable ( interesting nickname ) , unhappiness is not a competition. People feel what they feel : are you saying OP has no right to express her own feelings because you know someone who has just died young? Police your own feelings if you must.

crispinquent Fri 16-Mar-18 16:39:27

Agree sometimes its a run of bad luck or maybe some karma!

Ariesgirl1988 Fri 16-Mar-18 16:57:12

i know the feeling it feels like life is just kicking you down non stop and you can't catch a break. RE: the landlord get some advice or ring environmental health even if he evicts you as damp can cause all kinds of health issues. Even if he says he is selling the house won't sell being full of damp. RE: ex daughter if social services are involved perhaps her dad and you can take custody of her? if ex continues to harass you report her to the police. So sorry for your losses of pets and babies thats terrible and it takes time to move on from it have you thought of seeing a counsellor about all this? it may help

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Fri 16-Mar-18 17:00:29

A bit crass!

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Fri 16-Mar-18 17:01:07

Sorry, that was in response to the karma bollocks.

meme70 Fri 16-Mar-18 17:43:36

LesisMiserable
Don’t be ridiculous I was raped aged 16 by my fathers 48 year old friend
I watched my father beat my mum near to death every day for 11 years
I nearly died and lost my baby to sepsis

You can’t compare an 18 year olds death to people’s own hard life’s knocks do not go on people’s posts and make them out to be OTT

As for karma shush I’m one of the kindest most generous people you’ll meet ask anyone I’ve done nothing to derserve any of this

Thankyou everyone else for your support pity the trolls didn’t stay away but I do find that on here some people have issues and try take them out of people who need a little support

meme70 Fri 16-Mar-18 17:47:06

LesisMiserable

You have y a clue what I’ve been through

I’ve been homeless in the last so has my husband you don’t know the sacrifices we have made to build a house

All because we are able to now doesn’t mean life’s been wonderful

I had a chronic qlxhkoc father and ex both made my life with having nothing no money to buy food so I really think you need to think before speaking

I’m blessed with chronic IBSD and I can’t travel anywhere that’s a cruel cruel illness

I do not think you have a right to go into anyone posts and tell them to get get over themselves because X Y Z

I have had a very very hard life I don’t need you telling me I’m lucky

DGRossetti Fri 16-Mar-18 17:54:45

flowers for OP. Nothing to say except ...

All our electrical appliances keep breaking

On a practical note, if this is all in the same property, maybe get it checked out for electrical safety ?

Onecutefox Fri 16-Mar-18 18:15:37

Meme, I am sorry to hear about everything bad you had experienced. flowers I hope life is better for you from today. Write all the bad things in your life on a paper and burn it. And no more bad things will happen to you because you start and new life. Everything bad is behind and you're looking forward to a new and positive life.

As for karma, ignore it. Some evil people live a long happy life. If they burn in hell we don't care because we want them to be punished while they're alive but it doesn't always happen.

What about the house? Have you tried using dehumidifiers to reduce moisture in the house so mildew doesn't grow that much? You can also wash the mouldy walls with chlorinated water about 50/50.

Haffiana Fri 16-Mar-18 18:35:05

OP, I understood LesisMiserable to be actually posting something uplifting and supportive.

It is part of Mindfulness - which is something I think many of us would benefit from - that we need to let go of the past and embrace the present and then we can move to the future. Nothing to do with 'getting over' anything and nothing to do with diminishing what has happened to you.

LesisMiserable Fri 16-Mar-18 18:58:12

Haffiana thank you that was exactly my intention.

LesisMiserable Fri 16-Mar-18 19:01:43

OP, dont add me to your list of woes. I never told you to get over yourself, nor that you were lucky, or otherwise.

So don't put words in my mouth.

As I said in my first post, if you can get through everything life throws at you (and everyone else) together, then yes, you will be ok in your relationship.

hellsbellsmelons Sat 17-Mar-18 09:55:50

Ahhh... OP you've had a seriously shit life so far.
Just get through each day the best you can for now and go from there.
After everything you've been through you sound strong.
You can do this and turn it all around.
Good luck to you.
You deserve some happiness.

Angelf1sh Sat 17-Mar-18 10:16:45

I really don’t understand why you think that a broken tv/cooker/washing machine etc, a shitty landlord and a dodgy builder are signs that you should split up with your husband. That’s a really weird response IMO op. Unless you think he’s responsible for all of these “bad” things that have happened since you got married, why do you think splitting up would change any of it? Almost all of these things (excluding the medical aspects in your first post) sound unpleasant and annoying and expensive, but wholly unremarkable. They’re the kind of things that happen to people every day the world over. I agree with Les you need to refocus your mindset. I’m not telling you to get over yourself, just to recognise that this series of unfortunate events is something that will pass. You are connecting too many random events and working yourself up. I’m pretty sure that if everyone on MN wrote down all of the bad/annoying/frustrating thing things that had happened over the last 5 years, we’d all have massive lists.

NotTheFordType Sat 17-Mar-18 11:59:34

Some really unhelpful responses here.

OP I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I think it's admirable that you've been able to build yourselves a home - these things always seem to go over time and/or budget, but I hope you will be able to move in soon.

Regarding the appliances, if your home has black mould and damp, it's possible this is causing them to short out, I believe (I'm not an electrician.)

I would definitely recommend contacting Shelter regarding the landlord's refusal to address problems. They have some good information here:
england.shelter.org.uk/housing_advice/repairs/what_to_do_if_your_landlord_wont_do_repairs

There is also some information there about protection from "revenge eviction".

Good luck OP flowers

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: