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You've probably similar to this but this a guy looking for perspective

21 replies

Camopp · 13/03/2018 13:09

've decided to post this online, I'm quite a private person

Around two years ago, I met a colleague at work who I took an instant liking too after a bit of small chat. We started emailing back and forth for a while, nothing heavy and you know just getting to know each other. She's quite nice and a bit shy ect. Eventually I asked her on a date and gave her my number to which she said she wasn't looking to date anyone. Fine, it happens you move on. I said if she ever wanted to hang out as friends then I would be cool with that which she came back and said yea defo she would love to. I mirrored back her interest as you know if someone wants to be friends then I just think of it as that and not put them in that romantic spotlight right so there no confusion, you move on and await to meet the next potential romantic/person to date. So with this friend, she initiated texting with me, fine. Started getting texts messages everyday from her which I thought was a bit strange but you know you just go with it. We start hanging, going for dinner, going for walks in the park ect. We were playing tennis one day, just hanging and talking, can't remember about what and she says you do love me right. I'm like quite stunned at this point as you know I thought we were mates so I think I ignored it (can't remember what I did say but whatever it was we just went back and carried on playing tennis like it was no big deal. I got confused and was like I guess we're dating and wanted to talk about it but then she would be like no no we're just really close friends so again I was like okay I misread and again just see her as a friend.. She came round to my house twice for dinner and just hanging out again. I didn't make any moves or try to get close because she was happy to sit next to me but a bit further away.Eventually we're in the kitchen and she comes close to me and says im not used to this, I was talking about something else and a bit stunned again as Im like is she into me is she not so I did push her away this time. I was like I don't get this. We carried on as if nothing happened and we're watching tv. Next thing I know she's crying and saying things like I dont know whats going inside me and I'm confused and I don't want to mess you around. How do I know your right for me and when will I get chance to meet someone I have a spark with and am attracted too again like this. I was like okay look you know to look inside and decide what you want to do. She apologized after and I didn't get n touch. Three days later I get a text saying I miss you so I was like okay so I know now she wants to be with me and we go to dating. When I get close like hold her hand, she pushed me away a few times so now im like even more confused. Eventually I told her this confusion left me emotionally exhausted, go back and forth. I'm happy to have an open and raw conversation and take things from there. I told her I needed a break from this as boundaries were crossed and it just wasn't healthy. We had this over dinner so as we leave she grabs and holds my hand, Im like what. I just carried on and she's holding my hand ect. When I dropped her off there was a bit of tension but nothing happened, I'm still confused at this point. We met up a few times afterwards and she would get upset and demand that are just friends or what, why is nothing happening and I didn't know what to say. I'm no someone who can just switch my emotions on and off you know, either way dating and if we are then boom you feel comfortable to enough to get close to that person but if they keep blowing hot and cold, how are you supposed to take that leap knowing she could change her mind. Just to add she doesn't do phone calls and just texts or meeting up. Eventually I wanted to have it out but decided it needed to be a phone call and not text so I tried to ring her and she didn't answer so I texted and was like can you call me as we need to talk. she didn't get back in touch. so its been 6 months at this point. After a week I caved and texted her to say look I know I've not opened up to you but I'm quite a private person and with time I will. I got a reply saying she needed some space so I was like okay fine it would be good. Month later she got in touch and we exchanged a few messages but didn't get to the root of it right which is what is going on. After that I didn't hear from her again and she disappeared on me. At this point I'll admit, I was devastated, she did have a good side to her otherwise I wouldn't have put up with it, took me a long time to get over it but I did make peace and moved on, if she had just said hey im not feeling it then fine but to disappear with no word, pretty cruel and doesn't give you much closure. I deleted all pics and her number and decided I would move on. 16 months later, I get a message asking how I am blah blah, like nothing had happened. I was very coy and just said fine blah blah. A few messages being exchanged anyway after I while I was like how does someone just rock back up into someones life after leaving things that way so I was like no and sent a very strong message that said look you dont get to treat people that way and all you had to do was be honest and say he I'm not feeling this and done. Besides, anyone can disappear on you for that length of time and not bother defo cant be trusted. So I send this message and not expect to hear back but I did with a response say we were never dating and she knew I wanted to be more than friends so decided to take a break because she knew I wanted more. I was like okay but to disappear after texting someone everyday for 6 months and hanging out with them then without an explanation is quite cruel and I didn't get to say what I wanted to at the time . She replied saying we agreed to take a break and back to the we were not dating but apologized profusely for her behavior. I said thats fine, I've said my peace and we are now cool. It's brought up a lot of old feelings and now Im thinking was I wrong to send the message and am in the wrong? I know Im not and I wont accept someone coming into and out of my life as they please. I'm a decent guy, good job, travel and loves just doing normal stuff. I'd like some perspective on this, I know this may seem very trivial but I'd like to what know what you all think. Thanks for taking the time to read all this and apologies for the typo errors!

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NotTheFordType · 13/03/2018 13:15

Christ OP, some paragraphs might have helped!

She's playing with you. You're like a toy she can get out of a box and play with for a bit until she's bored.

Get your self-respect together and tell her to jog on. Block (not delete) her number so she can't text you.