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Should the mother pay 50/50 towards bills when on maternity leave?

(136 Posts)
Rachelone Mon 12-Mar-18 06:59:23

I have discussed this with my partner and he would like me to continue to contribute half towards the mortgage and bills while on maternity leave. To do so I will need to use a redundancy pay out that I was given during the first stages of pregnancy. He earns a very high wage.

Grobagsforever Mon 12-Mar-18 07:39:43

Oh god. This is why I need to take a break from MN, before I believe every man in the world is a selfish, financially abusive wanker.

Tell him to sod off OP. And make sure you return to work full time so you never become financially dependent on this person.

Callamia Mon 12-Mar-18 07:42:14

You do whatever is necessary to pay the bills. My husband is taking shared leave right now (the statutory portion), and he’s not paying anything towards our rent, although I think he’s still paying DDs for a couple of things he’s always paid from his account. I fully expect to transfer some money to him to cover living expenses at some point - there’s no point him being skint if he doesn’t have to be.

SVRT19674 Mon 12-Mar-18 07:49:09

Are you flatmates or a family? I'm pregnant now and got incensed on your behalf as I read. Selfish penny pinching bastard, my husbands words as I told him about it. Charge him by the hour for carrying His baby. angry

mindutopia Mon 12-Mar-18 07:51:16

Not unless you need to to keep yourselves a float. I’m on mat leave. I’m only on maternity allowance as I didn’t technically qualify for SMP through my last job, so it’s not much. I personally do pay for pretty much what I always did, but it’s because I can without much difficulty (we intentionally keep our expenses quite low, though we earn about 75K combined). But I wouldn’t be ‘expected’ to contribute 50/50, particularly as I’m the one saving us on childcare costs and also allowing my dh to work longer days (when we’re both working, we share the school run, meaning he has to leave work early 2-3 days a week). I pay what I always have now because I can, but when my mat pay and savings I’ve put aside for this runs out later in the year, my dh will pay for everything. Also if I had a tight month now (for instance, just spent £800 on car repairs!) he would pick up whatever needs to be covered this month. So on average, I pay in proportionate to my income, even if some months that works out to be 50/50. You are providing childcare that would cost a lot more than your dh’s extra contribution to household expenses if you weren’t at home.

FissionChips Mon 12-Mar-18 07:53:12

Why on earth would you have a baby with such an idiot?

DelphiniumBlue Mon 12-Mar-18 07:53:50

Yes, if he goes halves on your lost income whilst gestating his baby.

Ickyockycocky Mon 12-Mar-18 07:54:53

No I don’t think you should. We have different incomes so DH pays more towards the bills as he is the higher earner. I see that as being the only fair way to manage things. If you don’t do this or something similar, when you share a life, resentment will grow and grow.

StickingWithIt Mon 12-Mar-18 07:55:19

Don't do this. I was given no alternative, despite only being on SMP and him having a good wage. I bought everything for our DC. I was living off savings. Once I had zero income when SMP stopped he wanted me to continue with this solely from my small pot of savings. Needless to say I didn't hang round for much longer. It is financial abuse and not a partnership.

43percentburnt Mon 12-Mar-18 07:57:58

Wait until you return to work and end up paying all the childcare and variable expenditure and top up shopping, leaving you with very little. Whilst he pays into his pension and savings.

I'd have a proper chat now. His answers may mean you want to return full time quickly to minimise impact on your earning potential.

GreenMeerkat Mon 12-Mar-18 07:58:24

He is being very unreasonable suggesting you continue 50/50. You have to make allowances and work together as a family, after all, that is what you are now!

Somerville Mon 12-Mar-18 08:02:47

Well, some families are broke and need every penny of the mat pay (as well as partners salary) to help cover bills. But aside from that - no. You're having a massive drop in income for the period that you physically cannot work as due to give birth/ recovering from birth/caring for baby until old enough for childcare (hardly any affordable options before 6 months). Therefore he, who doesn't have that hit to his earnings, should be paying much more.

Keep your savings, you might need something to fall back on.

MaverickSnoopy Mon 12-Mar-18 08:04:12

We did 50/50 up until we had children. Once we had children all income gets pooled into joint account. Bills come out and money is set aside for future expenses (Christmas, clothes, car costs, hair cuts etc) and then any remaining is split. I can only see this as the fair way of doing things at all (although some don't) especially on maternity leave. How are you a family unit if one of you is having to dip into their savings to cover bills, while the other is living it up. He is showing you that this is who he is and how little regard he has for you.

Believeitornot Mon 12-Mar-18 08:05:00

If you are flatmates then yes.

As you’re a family unit and you are carrying a child which is also his, then no.

Otherwise the logical consequence if you can’t pay is to be evicted hmm

MagicFajita Mon 12-Mar-18 08:06:31

I'm on mat leave and my dh and I currently combine our earnings , pay bills and put money away for shopping etc , what's left is divided equally between us. We're a family and both work hard!

Doing 50/50 while on maternity leave will be tricky as mat pay can be too inconsistent. It's also ridiculously unfair on you.

JassyRadlett Mon 12-Mar-18 08:09:06

Christ it’s so depressing how many men are such totally selfish Neanderthal fuckers when it comes to money.

Even before the baby you ideally should have been contributing proportionally to living costs, if the relationship is about fairness.

After? He should be bloody paying all the bills and splitting the spending money with you if needed to top up SMP to what he has left over.

I couldn’t be with someone who treated me like this.

How does he think childcare should be paid for when you return to work?

Spudlet Mon 12-Mar-18 08:12:54

No, absolutely not. The ONLY circumstances under which I could see this being ok would be if the woman had a maternity package that paid her the same as she normally earned - and do they even exist?!

Keep hold of your savings op. You may find you need them.

LilacClouds Mon 12-Mar-18 08:18:54

No, that’s wrong. You aren’t earning your normal pay because you have had a baby for both of you.

Tell him to take paternity and still pay half the bills and mortgage. See how he likes that.

BrownTurkey Mon 12-Mar-18 08:19:35

No. This is a different phase and you need to work together. I guess how you arrange it is up to you (he could share the parental leave and do half himself for instance). But your work prospects, pension contributions, equality in the workplace and future earning potential could all be impacted. I would insist on a sit down and discuss future finances, and fact find from here and other people how others sort things out. I suggest you both contribute a set percentage of earnings to a joint pot, and percentage goes up if there is not enough to cover household costs. Most people don’t keep much for their own use, because they are not selfish (and I often pay stuff out of my own account if the joint is empty - its just what you do.)

LadyLoveYourWhat Mon 12-Mar-18 08:37:39

If you have just got a redundancy payment, does that mean that you don't have a job to go back to? I think you are in a bit of a precarious position. How does he see the family finances being set up in the long run? It doesn't sound like you are "in it together" with your partner.

I got full pay for my first 6 months of maternity leave and then nothing for the second six months, so we dropped down to me paying a third of the bills and my partner paying two thirds (we earn about the same). My partner (now husband) would have been happy with us just pooling our money and sharing it, but my parents were awful with money so I'm a bit funny about it and like to be able to keep close control of what I'm spending.

peachypetite Mon 12-Mar-18 08:38:53

Don't you have a joint account where your wages get paid into? Time to start! But he sounds like a dick.

seven201 Mon 12-Mar-18 08:40:59

Fucking hell. What a selfish twat he is. thanks

Cubicfoot Mon 12-Mar-18 08:46:37

IMO the redundancy should be used to help out

HerSymphonyAndSong Mon 12-Mar-18 08:46:54

I’m with grobag. Does he think having his baby is a little hobby you’ve taken up?

squadronleader87 Mon 12-Mar-18 08:47:25

I don’t think there is a correct answer to this as it depends on what each parent earns and also the maternity package on offer. If the mother earns significantly more normally then it may not always practical for the OH to cover all/majority of bills. That’s certainly my situation.

I’m also fortunate that I have a relatively good maternity package so will won’t have that many months on SMP only.

Regardless though, it’s a conversation that needs to be had before actually having children so it’s partners are clear on expectations.

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 12-Mar-18 08:57:25

In this instance the OPs partner earns a much higher wage. And generally speaking too how many women actually do earn significantly more than their spouse or partner?. The situation that OP describes could very well lead to herself being financially abused; she is certainly far more vulnerable now in a financial sense.

Does he want you to give your child his surname too?.

Are you actually named on the mortgage?.

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