Boyfriend withdraws for a few days then comes back full on

Quietarse · 2018-03-09 17:18:07

I’m in a five month relationship with a man who was badly hurt by his ex wife and admits he finds commitment/ trust difficult although he wants these things. I keep finding though that we meet up lots, have contact on and off all day on messanger or FaceTime, have fantastic sex, lots of emotional intimacy and then bam, he goes distant on me for a few days. An evening of sex in particular seems to be a real trigger for him needing space afterwards although immediately afterwards he is gentle and affectionate. He isn’t ignoring me but he reduces the amount of initiated contact and when i contact him I can’t really get a proper conversation going whereas normally we chat for hours. After a few days he bounces back as if nothing has happened and is full on again. In the past I’ve always quizzed him/ moaned at him about this and made myself look needy and clingy. I don’t want to end the relationship as I really like him but am aware that I don’t want this pattern to go on forever. He is actually quite insecure in himself and feels he lets me down/isn’t good enough in bed, on dates etc. This latest distant phase has gone on for two days and coincides with a very difficult time for him personally. What is the best thing to do when men withdraw? I was planning to leave it for him to initiate contact for now but would that make me look as if I don’t care?

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The OP's really grateful for all the advice and support offered on this thread but has posted to say she's been recognised in real life. We've therefore agreed to take this down.