Splitting up would be easier if you could turn off physical attraction!

[FailingTheBoyfriendExam]

Met a girl in June last year. We split a few weeks ago.
She called at the weekend, we've chatted a few times and met for a drink last night and there is the possibility of us getting back together.

There are a million reasons why we shouldn't. It was a very volatile relationship, which is something I don't like at all. She was very unpredictable when drunk. I am pretty anti-social, so didn't want to go out as much as she did. We were different in a number of ways, and clashed often. She seemed to need to keep a couple of ex's in contact via texts etc. even though they were mostly hitting on her. She's already joined some kind of dating site - and although she claims it's really just to kill time and she's not looking for anybody or talking to anbody - she regularly updates her photos, and is on whatsapp a lot (which is something she rarely uses unless she's talking to people from dating sites....)

It is the most stressful relationship I've ever had.

But.... we fancied the pants off each other, and the physical stuff was the one area we never fell out. I have a horrible feeling that's a big part of the temptation for us to get back together - certainly for me, and I suspect partly for her too.

I wonder how many failing relationships would go through the "on / off / on / off / on / finally off" phase if you could just flick a switch and stop fancying each other!

[B46smile]

How do you know she's on dating sites, is that because you are also? Or is she flaunting it in your face?
Just because she's using whatsapp doesn't automatically mean it's for messaging other men, it's just another messaging medium and fact that it's free makes it popular.
A relationship is more than just sex no matter how good, you can't build on it if you both don't want it to work. Exes unless children are involved should be left alone and dating sites permanently deleted.
If you love her and want to try and work it out explain how you feel talking is the only way.

[FailingTheBoyfriendExam]

I know she's on dating sites because she told me.

I also know that she rarely uses WhatsApp unless she's chatting to men from dating sites because once we were an item, I gave up using it because she was never reading the messages. And she frequently says she doesn't use it, and hence often missed messages from other people.

She relies on Imessage and texts.

Her sudden use of WhatsApp only started when she told me she had joined the site.

[FrancisUnderwood]

Stop watching and checking her online activity. You're just torturing yourself.

[B46smile]

A relationship is about trust effort caring honesty love etc... she's not putting any of that into it by sound of it.
You aren't failing the boyfriend exam coz it shouldn't even be one. Find someone who deserves your effort and gives you the same.

[GertieMotherwell]

Why get back together?

Suggest a FWB situation

[FailingTheBoyfriendExam]

I think we have become FWB but I don't think it's really working for me. We saw each other Sat afternoon / evening, and Sunday evening. She went home both nights. On Sat evening, she said that we should "not put a label" on what we were, because it was "too much pressure". She did however say that she loved me and would come off the site.

She didn't though, and is on there regularly. She also called me a couple of times with her number withheld - and although she initially made an excuse, it happened a few more times which meant she had to admit why. She's been calling her ex - the reason she needs to withhold her number is because she got a restraining order against him in Nov and doesn't want a record of the calls. She got several calls from a private number at the weekend - which she rejected "because it's a withheld number" and I've now realised that it was the ex calling her. So they seem to be having plenty of contact.

The sex has always been fantastic with her, and I am trying to convince myself that I should simply enjoy that for a while and keep my emotions shielded until we go our separate ways. But I don't think it's really working - I feel massively stressed today, and I think I'm actually unhappier than I was when we didn't talk for 2 weeks.

Relationships suck.

[FailingTheBoyfriendExam]

I should add - for various reasons I won't go into here, I am 100% sure that she is not sleeping with the ex, and they will not be a couple again. But he is a destructive force, and they had waaaaay too much contact when we started seeing each other, so him being back in the picture is not a positive thing by any means.

[FuckItPassMeTheWine]

Omg she sound like far too much hard work. You sound like a decent bloke , I'd definitley block her and move on.

[Changedname3456]

Life’s too short for all that grief, regardless of how good the sex is. You’ll get sucked into the whole ex crap next and wonder how you got there.

Tell her it’s not working for you and go nc.

[ShatnersWig]

Relationships suck

Only the shit ones.

I don't care how physically attracted I am to someone. If I had previously split up with someone because I was anti-social but they weren't, it was the most stressful relationship ever, it was volatile, we clashed often, she kept in contact with exes who were hitting on her and she was unpredictable when drunk, I'd have the fucking sense not to go back there again just because the sex was good.

Seriously. Wake the fuck up.

[FailingTheBoyfriendExam]

Yep - you're all right, that is what I should do. But I haven't done it yet, even though deep down I know I should.

The last few weeks have been OK - and the weekend was mostly very good. She seemed very sweet, and it felt very close.
Except that - I was helping her to setup something on her phone, when "Carlo" sent her a text saying "Thinking of you xxx", followed immediately by another one "hot, hot hot x".
This obviously caused a discussion. Although she previously told me that she was NOT talking to anybody from the dating site she joined (which she swears is not a dating site) via Whatsapp, clearly she is. She now says that the conversation we had about that must have been before she started using Whatsapp......
She swears that she has made it clear all along she is only interested in being "friends" with this guy, that he is too young for her anyway and that it's not under her control what he decides to send as a text.....
She told me that she blocked him on her phone on Sunday (and the other people she was talking to - which she claims is only one or two) - although that means nothing, because even if she did she could easily have unblocked him by now.

She told me last night that she has removed all her pictures on the site, and changed the relationship status to saying she's in a relationship. This seems to be true - I can't find her profile on the site now, since it has no pics - although since she now seems to be talking to the guys she was interested in via her phone, it's kind of academic.

The main thing that makes me think she's lying and is in constant communication with at least one guy - but I suspect more - is that she always takes her phone with her whenever she leaves the room. Even to go to the toilet. And more significantly - when we are in the room together, her phone is always face down and on silent. Which I guess is so that I can't see messages arriving.

I know I am being screwed around, but I still find it difficult to finally end it without being 100% sure. Although typing this, I guess I really should be already......

If one of my friends was in this situation, I'd tell them to run! But it's harder when you're in the middle of it.

[Dozer]

Not worth the hassle. No contact best.