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Spoke to ex for the 1st time in years, and now he's blocked me

(80 Posts)
urbannomad Sun 25-Feb-18 19:59:40

I'd really appreciate some thoughts on this. The situation is, my ex and I first got together 6 years ago - it was one of those really intense but rocky relationships. He's a few years younger than me and I eventually broke up with him as I was sick of the instability and his emotional immaturity. He pursued me for months after we broke up, turning up to my house with gifts etc. We ended up getting back together 1.5 years later, only to break up again, following which I met and married my husband. My ex sent me a nice congratulatory message when I got married but apart from that we've had no contact for a couple of years.
As happy as I am with my husband, I did occasionally think about my ex and recently decided to send him a casual message to see how he is. I noticed immediately that his image and way of speaking had changed -he's always had a bit of the 'bad boy' thing going on but it's definitely become more pronounced now and I got the distinct sense that he was trying to show me he no longer cares what I think of him. I'll be honest and concede that stupidly, the attraction on my end was probably still a little bit there and that perhaps led me to extend the conversation longer than I should have. For a period of a few weeks, we exchanged messages here and there and I was enjoying the conversation, despite him talking mainly about himself and also saying a few insensitive things. We've always connected on an intellectual level and so most of the conversation was about politics, travel etc. but at one point he did admit he was really sad when I got married (he quickly pulled back from this statement with a generic 'life goes on' type comment). However I started to get annoyed by his self-absorption and also feel guilty for engaging in prolonged conversation and finally forced myself to stop replying. After I didn't respond to his message for a few days, I now see that he blocked me.
I probably should've left it there but I decided to send him a short email saying that I'd still like to be friends but that his manner of speaking had hurt my feelings a little and hence why I distanced myself. It's been days now and no response, and I'm left wondering what to make of it all. If he really didn't care about me at all, why block me simply because I didn't reply for a few days? Was he just messing with me the whole time?

apacketofcrisps Sun 25-Feb-18 20:01:39

If you love your husband why do you care? Does he know you’ve been chatting to this ex??

Desmondo2016 Sun 25-Feb-18 20:03:01

You're not available to him because you are married so he quite sensibly has put a permanent end to it. I would put your energies into working out why you give a shit.

AnaWinter Sun 25-Feb-18 20:04:19

You are playing with fire and you know it. You are married so just leave it. He is right to block you. This flirtation or whatever it is cannot go anywhere.

NerrSnerr Sun 25-Feb-18 20:05:40

You're married. Why are you perusing your ex?

BettyBaggins Sun 25-Feb-18 20:06:00

As a married woman, you were messing with him.

AnotherPlaceAnotherTime Sun 25-Feb-18 20:08:36

Forget about it. Sounds like you had built it up in your head.

Concentrate on your marriage.

ThisLittleKitty Sun 25-Feb-18 20:09:02

Leave him. You clearly can't be friends.

urbannomad Sun 25-Feb-18 20:09:34

My husband knows that I'm still friends with a couple of my exes - he doesn't mind and even encourages me to keep in touch occasionally. However I probably overstepped the mark here by letting the conversation drag out for a few weeks.

Also I know I probably shouldn't care - I wouldn't say I'm devastated, more a little bit hurt and taken aback. I wish I didn't care at all but I do.

MyBrilliantDisguise Sun 25-Feb-18 20:11:20

What the hell are you doing? You're making him think you regret breaking up. You're risking your own marriage. Why would you do that?

JustGettingStarted Sun 25-Feb-18 20:11:27

Why did you have to go stirring that shit up?

Sounds like he's the emotionally mature one, now.

Emma198 Sun 25-Feb-18 20:12:11

Stop wondering and start thinking about why you felt the need to contact him and why it matters so much.

heyok Sun 25-Feb-18 20:40:21

Guaranteed your marriage will not be a lifelong one. Whether it's this ex or the next. The point is you give a shit about the way they feel about you. And still want there attention. Deep down you mustn't be happy with DH.

LemonSqueezy0 Sun 25-Feb-18 20:40:23

I think if you're honest with yourself you want validation from him, and him to be really emphatic about how you were the one that got away, he made a mistake etc etc etc... But to what end?

Do yourself a favour and delete his email address, block him on social media and move on....

urbannomad Sun 25-Feb-18 21:25:41

Wow heyok, thanks for the prediction about my marriage - I'd forgotten how cruel strangers on the internet can be sad My husband and I have spoken about the issue of exes and thankfully he's more open-minded than you are and is completely fine with occasional friendly contact - he even encouraged me to coffee with one recently when he visited the country from overseas. I already conceded I was stupid for allowing the conversation to continue intermittently and I don't like the fact that I'm bothered by the ex blocking me and I will take myself to task over that. However even if it were just a friend I would be hurt by being blocked like that and I suppose I was interested to know how others read the situation. I should add that my ex has a partner too so it's not as though either of us is single.

Regularsizedrudy Sun 25-Feb-18 21:28:50

I’m sorry but what the fuck are you playing at? Surely you can see this won’t end well if you keep pushing. Leave it be.

DextroDependant Sun 25-Feb-18 21:30:39

I think you are being very out of order on your husband. I doubt he would be encouraging it if he knew you were mooning over him.

He has given you his trust and you are overstepping the mark. Friendly contact is not what is going on here.

Lemongingertea80 Sun 25-Feb-18 21:34:08

Clearly you did your ex a favour by breaking up and he realises that now!

urbannomad Sun 25-Feb-18 21:37:23

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, fully willing to concede my own failings in this scenario. I genuinely thought I could be friends with this ex (friends as in maybe once or twice a year, how's it going kind of friends like I have with my one other ex) and was just trying to read the scenario from his perspective as I'm not sure why he reacted the way he did. I suppose it's not important though.

gamerchick Sun 25-Feb-18 21:37:50

It sounds as if you’re inviting a bit of exitment into your life because you’re bored. Do it with your husband instead. Your ex has grown up and obviously done you a favour.

Do you feel desired in your marriage?

urbannomad Sun 25-Feb-18 21:42:57

I'm not mooning over it - I was a little bit hurt by the abruptness of it, as I would be if a friend blocked me and a little bit curious I suppose.
The consensus seems to be that I'm an idiot and don't value my marriage. Harsh but I'll cop it on the chin and put this incident behind me.

MammaAgata Sun 25-Feb-18 21:48:17

Ffs.. you got married. Why on Earth are you dicking around with the other fella.. either get on with your marriage or don’t. All this fuss and bother about past regrets is just nonsense. I’ve never read such a load bullocks to be honest. Can you only imagine if this was your husband posting about an ex?

BackInTheRoom Sun 25-Feb-18 21:52:10

He cut contact like you should have done. Who knows why but you know what? Who cares because you and your DH are married to each other and you should be the main focus for each other. Address the issues in your marriage and put this fantasy out of your mind. Good luck.

loveyoutothemoon Sun 25-Feb-18 21:59:20

I think it's a good thing that he has blocked you.
This is someone you can't be friends with.

kevinkeeganlovesme Sun 25-Feb-18 22:03:13

Would you be happy if the tables were turned and your Dh was devastated an ex had blocked him?

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