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SO has invited a friend to stay while we are on holiday

(60 Posts)
Elm1524 Sun 25-Feb-18 09:45:20

Hi there
I just wanted to ask you all about a situation SO has currently put me in.
We go on holiday in around a months time for two weeks and yesterday SO was telling me how he had been speaking to his friend and he has said she can stay at our place whilst we are on holiday as she still lives with her parents and is having a hard time with them at the minute.
I have quite a few issues with so many aspects of this but just wanted to ask your opinion on whether or not I’m being crazy about having these thoughts on the matter.

1) SO’s friend isn’t in a relationship and is known to get around the block a little bit...concerned that she will be bring numerous guys back to our bed we sleep in every night. confused
2) somebody coming into our little nest and using everything whilst we are away feels weird to me but don’t know if I’m just overreacting.
3) I know SO would of said yes just because he wants to help everyone but I’m a bit annoyed that he never discussed it with me first considering this is the place we built together.

I’ve never really liked this friend In the years we have been in a relationship; I’ve never really shown that as this is SO’s really good friend and he has known her since he was a kid....I don’t want this to cloud my judgement so I wanted to ask your opinions on it before I speak to him about it.
Any opinions?

AfterSchoolWorry Sun 25-Feb-18 09:47:58

Yea I have an opinion. That'd be a flat no.

Userplusnumbers Sun 25-Feb-18 09:48:35

Why don't you like her?

LadyPenelopeCantDance Sun 25-Feb-18 09:50:35

You don’t have to justify why, just a plain no would be my response.

RainyApril Sun 25-Feb-18 09:52:17

It wouldn't bother me as long as she wasn't bringing strangers back to my home. As long as she is given some ground rules, why not? She's an old, trusted friend who needs a bit of help. She can also deter burglars, collect the mail, water the plants, feed any pets and stock the fridge for your return.

The only way this is wrong is if you think there might be, or might once have been, more than friendship between them.

Elm1524 Sun 25-Feb-18 09:52:47

We are just flat out different people, she is very loud and in your face and is out most nights with different guys, I’ve always found her to be quite crudely behaved. I suppose it’s not the best reason not to like someone but it’s just become my opinion of her.

Only1scoop Sun 25-Feb-18 09:53:40

Remember a similar thread where posters DH had offered their house to his work friend over Christmas

Just say you aren't happy with arrangement

Elm1524 Sun 25-Feb-18 09:54:46

I think actually ground rules would be a great idea, she is a trusted friend of SO and she would keep the place tidy and not mess it up, it’s more the people in my bed thing that bothers me...I’m very set in my ways smile

TellsEveryoneRealFacts Sun 25-Feb-18 09:54:58

It is your place too, no way would my OH dream of doing this and no way I'd allow it.

Thebluedog Sun 25-Feb-18 09:55:19

It’s your house and home, if you don’t want to them say ‘no’ regardless of why.

AnaWinter Sun 25-Feb-18 09:58:24

No way would I allow this.

Elm1524 Sun 25-Feb-18 10:00:44

I know I can say no, I just want to make sure I’m not doing it for immature reasons and get the general consensus on it.
SO is a people pleaser and will go out of his way to never say no to people, I know there is nothing between them.
Even SO has to take a break from her personality at times because she has that many different problems and he’s not one to give up on people

Inertia Sun 25-Feb-18 10:01:31

Er that'd be a no from me.

Who's responsible if one of these random men steals stuff from your house?

I would say that your insurance doesn't cover it.

Is it your partner's house, or your house, or a shared house?

Elm1524 Sun 25-Feb-18 10:03:09

It’s hard to determine who’s house it is because although the mortgage is in both of our names SO pays the mortgage because I’m studying and have the lesser wage at the minute. We class it as both of ours but I suppose he pays for it

Only1scoop Sun 25-Feb-18 10:04:22

Oh I thought you earned more? I'm confused.

You are both on the title deeds so you jointly own your property though?

Geoff1969 Sun 25-Feb-18 10:05:03

YANBU to not want someone staying in your home while you're away.

YABU to judge this woman - "get around the block a bit", "out most nights with different guys".

Only1scoop Sun 25-Feb-18 10:05:21

Sorry Op wrong thread blush

Elm1524 Sun 25-Feb-18 10:05:41

We are both on the deeds yes so it’s classed as jointly owned

Inertia Sun 25-Feb-18 10:07:23

Ok, so regardless of how household finances are arranged, you both own the house- it's not as if your partner bought it, paid off the mortgage, and you pay rent as a longer.

I would not allow this, because you clearly don't trust the friend to stay there alone.

Inertia Sun 25-Feb-18 10:08:04


Elm1524 Sun 25-Feb-18 10:08:27

Oh I completely agree I am wrong to judge her, it is her body to do with what she wants. But at the same time it does make me form an opinion of what she would be up to in our house

LonginesPrime Sun 25-Feb-18 10:08:35

It's lovely that your SO is so generous with other people, but presumably it's not just his home to offer. I would be hurt that he didn't feel the need to consult with me before lending out our home to people.

I wouldn't want someone else using my stuff while I was away either, especially if I felt I had no choice in the matter.

Elm1524 Sun 25-Feb-18 10:12:00

I’m annoyed about it but I know he would never do it maliciously he was just trying to help.
I think me and him need to sit down and talk about it and that I am not happy with her being there while we are away because I don’t know what it going on.
Thanks for the advice guys

Idontdowindows Sun 25-Feb-18 10:12:14

Never mind her, you need a good long talk with him about not doing that shit without consulting you to start with.

Did she ask and he said yes or did he offer?

Elm1524 Sun 25-Feb-18 10:13:27

She asked him if she could stay while we are away

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