I feel like he's "won"

[fairylightfight]

My ex left me some time ago and shortly after I found out I was pregnant. He tried to emotionally manipulate me into getting an abortion (he said he'd kill himself if I didn't have one, that I was ruining his life, I also still very much loved him and he said we could try again if I had an abortion- I didn't have an abortion) and I cut all contact with him then he decided he wanted to be involved.

He's been back and forth with me since then, claiming to love me and want to be a family, then he'd go and sleep with someone else. I've had my heart ripped out by him a thousand times during this pregnancy and I finally said enough is enough. That he can have contact with the baby a few times a week, that I'm not interested in him personally and have gone NC

The thing is, he's acting as though this is unfair. He's bad mouthed me to all our mutual friends who all think I should let him see the baby more often. But he hasn't even provided for her. He goes out drinking all the time, has MH problems he refuses to get help with, he won't grow up. He lives in a student house, he smokes weed everyday, he sleeps around... the list goes on. And yet I'm the one who's been left with no friends because they all think I'm being out of order and that he's some amazing guy. I'm fucked off. I'm really FUCKED off.

Ideally he wouldn't be around the baby at all but he threatens to go for full custody and as his family are extremely wealthy I'm scared they'd some how be able to manipulate the system and she'd be left with him and I'd never see her. I know this is probably irrational but sometimes you hear stories where things like that actually happen and it terrifies me.

[Noclue123]

I feel for you. But those friends are not your friends. Ignore them. Is baby here yet? If not start when baby arrives and you are ready go to baby groups and start making some new friends and you will have the kids in common x

[RainyApril]

He sounds like a waste of space so well done on going nc.

If you've lost friends because they've sided with this loser without knowing the full story, good riddance.

Don't stoop to his level and start slagging him off, one day your baby will be an adult and will be able to say that her Mum was always dignified, that she rose above her dad's awful behaviour and never said a bad word about him.

And ignore his threats. As long as you're taking good care of your child, no one can take her away from you, and it doesn't matter how wealthy they are. His words are just designed to scare you, don't give him the satisfaction.

Use email to communicate so that you have records of offering reasonable contact and asking for child maintenance.

Why do you think he's won? You have your wonderful child and are free of this loser. I'd rather be you than him. Think about the sort of life you want and make it happen. Ten years from now your child will have worked out for herself what sort of man her dad is.

[ChickenMom]

Those people aren’t your friends. Make new friends who don’t know him and are only there for you. See a solicitor yourself to get advice and contact women’s aid and citizens advice for help. There’s no way a court would take a baby away from a good Mum to put her into a shared student house with drugs smoking. You could ask your solicitor to insist on a blood test before there’s any further contact. Weed shows up for 6 months. Try and research and be clever and don’t let fear rule you and your decisions. Attend parenting courses and get as much help/advice as you can. This will all go in your favour. Keep copies of all messages from him. Start building up a folder of it all. Write down everything. Keep a diary. Include all the times he is stoned etc. But the main thing is to see a solicitor and get advice. Contact CMS who can claim maintenance for you. You don’t have to let him have the baby whenever he wants, if he’s in a shared house and doing drugs then that’s not right anyway x

[43percentburnt]

You need new friends. If the friends are single, go out drinking then it suits them to side with him as he is still doing these things whereas your priorities have changed. Doesn’t mean they don’t think he is an arsehole.

Try different places for friends - depending on what you enjoy doing. A college course, reading group, volunteering, try every baby group there is. Talk to everyone there and build up from that. There will be some great people near you who are in a similar situation - you need to find them!

[Noclue123]

I agree with pp. Print off all texts or communication and build a 'profile'. You may never need it but if you do you wont need to worry x