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Why am I feeling this hurt over a guy I barely know?

(133 Posts)
SassyS89 Sat 24-Feb-18 15:39:17

Just this really. I met a guy a couple of weeks ago on POF. We seemed to have very good convo which naturally flowed. We both said we wanted to settle down and was basically looking for a life partner. We exchanged numbers and spoke on whatsapp very often. We spoke on the phone and video chat and we just seemed to have a strong connection. This was confirmed when we met in person. We went on two dates, both of which went very well and felt like we had known each other for ages. We had a lot of fun and lots of banter. I genuinely felt like I hadn't had an instant connection with anyone the way I had with him.

He looked in my eyes and told me that he only wanted to get to know me (he was also talking to 2 other women on POF) and said that he could see us being together in the future and claimed that he was no longer talking to the other women. We ended up sleeping together on the second date. Everything seemed fine the next day and left each other voice notes saying how we really enjoyed the weekend and how we would not want anything to mess up the connection we had.

On Monday I left him a voice note asking if he wanted to go cinema over the weekend. Later on that same day I sent him a message about general stuff. He listened to the voice note and read the messages but not replied. I questioned it to myself but as he was at work I just assumed he was busy. Cut a long story short he has been ignoring my messages and phone calls ever since.

I hardly know this guy but I feel extremely hurt. I think it was evil of him to look me in my eyes and feed me a whole lot of bullshit just to sleep with me when he could have got it from someone else who was specifically after that. He will not give me an explanation as to why he has been ignoring me out of the blue. He does a radio show on weekends and when listening today he mentioned that he went and saw the film that I asked him if he wanted to go and see with me. This really hit a nerve.

He was obviously just after sex but I don't understand why this is affecting me a lot more than it should. Especially when I barely know this guy! Someone please put some sense into me!

JigglyTuff Sat 24-Feb-18 15:43:10

Because he wasn't the person you thought he was and that's hurtful

flumpybear Sat 24-Feb-18 15:49:13

He's a liar and a shit bag, be glad you didn't waste more time on this loser -hope you used condoms as you probably met a serial shagger

adayatthebeach Sat 24-Feb-18 15:52:21

Sorry POF is a mine field. I met a woman finally happily married after being single for 15 years and dated many men off of POF. She was quite wise after all those years and the one she finally found was a widower who had just joined the site. You must have a thick skin! She’s dump them if she found them back on POF after one date!

WarmestRegards Sat 24-Feb-18 15:55:22

It hurts because when you hardly know someone, you can easily create a fairytale in your head about this amazing man and the wonderful life you will have together.

If you’d been together 12 months, you’d have found out all his annoying habits and that his shit stinks- that takes the shine off things.

Do yourself a favour, don’t listen to his radio show! What a fucking tosser.

Josuk Sat 24-Feb-18 16:01:23

OP - just move on and remember this experience. People lie - men, women too.... And with the way OLD works - it’s easy to be that way.

So - try not too expect too much too soon, not close your options too early either...
There is no reason to talk about ‘going steady’ - after two dates. None of you really know each other. Take your time and get to know the other person before trusting them.

ThisLittleKitty Sat 24-Feb-18 16:01:42

This is nothing new. A man has lied to get you into bed. Maybe don't sleep with people so quickly? Sorry to sound harsh I don't mean it to be but maybe wait abit longer in future.

SassyS89 Sat 24-Feb-18 16:01:46

I just feel so stupid for allowing this guy to make a fool out of me. How could I be so naive? I have trust issues as it is especially when it comes to men and I feel this has made it so much worse. I keep telling myself in order to deal with my trust issues I have to learn to trust, but then shit like this always happens and takes me right back to square one.

ilovewelshrarebit123 Sat 24-Feb-18 16:04:51

I'm afraid this is POF for you, I've not met one genuine person from there yet. Neither has my friend and we've been on there over a year.

I'm sure there are nice men on there, but I'm finding it hard to find one!

The last guy was funny, seemed genuine, chatted loads, but he just would not commit to meeting up. Always had a excuse not to so I gave up as I'm not wasting my time.

I've also found men my age (48) want women in there 30's, so I only really got messages from guys in there 60's.

I've given up on POF now, I can't really afford the paid sites so I'm hoping Mr Right comes along soon.

Sorry you've had a bad experience, maybe try a different dating app?

Iooselipssinkships Sat 24-Feb-18 16:10:28

He manipulated you and that's not nice. It's quite normal to be upset at this, I would be too and have been in the past. Makes you feel used and confused. Sadly there's people out there that does this but you're worth so much more.
Don't forget that.

TheNaze73 Sat 24-Feb-18 16:25:48

He’s not made a fool of you OP, cut yourself some slack flowers

You had 2 dates & weren’t compatible, dust yourself down & move on

Mikethenight2good Sat 24-Feb-18 16:55:27

Some people are dicks. It can be really heart breaking.
Hope you are ok flowers

niceupthedance Sat 24-Feb-18 16:59:29

Another common or garden twat, online dating is full of them. I did it for three years and I thought I was going mad sometimes when this kept happening. You need the hide of a rhino to not get hurt. Onwards and upwards!

user1493413286 Sat 24-Feb-18 17:02:53

He built up hope and expectation in you then completely crushed it...god that stings but it says way more about him and the kind of person he is than you.

Lifeisabeach09 Sat 24-Feb-18 17:08:30

He was deceitful. He should have been honest with you.
Forget him.

Chaosandmadness Sat 24-Feb-18 17:09:23

Does his radio show ever have a phone in segment?

AtrociousCircumstance Sat 24-Feb-18 17:10:34

The things that jumped out of your OP for me were: ‘banter’ - that kind of charming jokey ‘connection’ is a sign of someone who loves to be amusing (and the sound of their own voice probably) and has nothing to do with sincerity.

The other is that he said he could see a future with you. After one and a half dates? Yeah he was bullshitting with the future-faking,

Look out for the signs with the next guy. It’s easy to be duped because you would never lie and manipulate someone so it’s hard to imagine that someone who seems perfectly nice would do exactly that.

Good luck and hold back a little next time.

Hassled Sat 24-Feb-18 17:11:36

The situation doesn't make you look like a fool - it just makes him look like a bastard. I'm sorry it happened to you - it really sucks. But there are good men out there - they're not all bastards. You were just unlucky.

gamerchick Sat 24-Feb-18 17:12:24

You did use condoms though didn’t you?

It sounds as if he’s got his act down to a fine art so god knows where he’s been!

I’m sorry man, try put it behind you the best you can flowers

MrsElvis Sat 24-Feb-18 17:13:58

Just say you caught the show and now know the truth. I'd point out that you won't be putting it on the radio stations social media about their DjS being shitbags.

Radio stations hate anything that paints their DJS as anything other than a friendly voice

SassyS89 Sat 24-Feb-18 18:00:39

Thank you for the kind words everyone.
I did use protection thank god!
I know this happens to a lot of people but it's just a really shitty situation to be in. And I guess because I'm a single mother of two and I don't have many friends so I'm very lonely, it felt nice to have some company. I'll definately be learning from this mistake.

MozzchopsThirty Sat 24-Feb-18 18:16:35

OP this was me 3 weeks ago.
Met a guy on POF, chatted for a few weeks, met up, I was so attracted to him, he said he felt the same.
He totally reeled me in, we had sex a few times but then he ghosted me over something ridiculous, then messaged and said he didn't think things were going to work

I was gutted, cried for 2 days, was so bad I even contacted my ex 🙈
Anyway I'm back on top form now, I've seen him back on the sites and it smarts a little but I got it very wrong, he was a massive player

Be kind to yourself, it's him, not you!
Cry, drink wine, lick your wounds and then bounce back stronger xx

DatingLife Sat 24-Feb-18 20:53:36

The last two I met from PoF had photos at least 15-20 years old on their profile! Almost unrecognisable in the flesh ffs. One you would cross the road to avoid. Its only a bit worrying there are so many liars and creepy weirdos out there. Still, I suppose the worst ones are the ones who "appear" normal, so reel you in. Remember to keep your guard up, whilst being pleasant and so forth. Your spidey senses will be clearer as time goes on. And if you don't meet anyone, well worse things have happened, and a lot better ones smile!

Grunkle Sat 24-Feb-18 21:04:31

I doubt he deceived you, he probably just realized he wasn't into you sexually - it's no one's fault, it's just a bit embarrassing so folk try to avoid having to explain that.

Dust off move on, and remember you don't know a person until you've spent a LOT of time with them. I'm talking years.

springydaff Sat 24-Feb-18 22:18:21

Fucking hell Grunkle, rub salt in the wound why don't you angry


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