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If you have been in a long relationship and got together young

(85 Posts)
Historicallyinaccurate Fri 23-Feb-18 23:13:00

If you and dp got together young (around 19) and are/were in a monogamous relationship, have they at any point attempted to catch up on what they'd missed out on by not playing the field when younger? Do they all feel like they've missed out? Do they grow out of this or has it affected your relationship?
After a bolt of recognition reading a post on another thread I'd like to understand it a bit better - is it common to men in long term, young starting relationships, or is it more dependent on the type of person they are to start with. If that makes sense?

MajesticWhine Fri 23-Feb-18 23:17:25

Yes, got together around that age. I think I felt like I missed out a bit and regret not having more experience of other relationships when younger. I am a woman though, not a man. I think I felt it more than my DH, so my guess would be it's about the person rather than something about men.

Thinkingofausername1 Fri 23-Feb-18 23:21:31

Yes. I feel like I've missed out. I sometimes envy my sister for being free and single. Then, when she gets treated like crap and ghosted I appreciate what I have. It seems time is moving on when it comes to 'settling down'.

elQuintoConyo Fri 23-Feb-18 23:26:53

I was 23yo, DH 25 when we got together. Neither of us had been wild and free and played the field beforehand. No regrets for DH and definitely no regrets for me.

Keepingupwiththejonesys Fri 23-Feb-18 23:34:34

Slightly different as I was 17 and now dh 27 when we got together (now almost 27 and 27). I don't think dh at all feels like he missed out but he was older. I was very young but I already had a full time job, was living out of my parents home and doing in house qualifications. I do feel I grew up quite fast, between 15 and meeting dh I was a bit...hectic. I guess because of that I don't feel I've missed out. I've no regrets at all, its nice to be able to say I love my life. We have hard times like anyone but I'm happy, my husband adores me and me him and we have wonderful children. I see others my age still doing the whole holidays and partying thing and have no envy for that at all, I'd personally much rather be where I'm at in life.

As far as 'the playing field' I don't actually think it makes much difference when you got together. If you were both virgins maybe but it you're truly happy with how things are I don't think you'd think like that. I know for me I'm very satisfied in that department so have no inclination at all to want that with anyone else, certainly don't feel I'm missing out. After being with other people before dh though I don't just think, I know I'm not missing out grin

Mistoffelees Fri 23-Feb-18 23:35:02

I was 15 when DH and I got together, I do feel like I missed out but I'm very happy with our life so wouldn't trade it for a few short term things.

ginch Fri 23-Feb-18 23:35:17

Met DH when I was 17 and he was 20. I remember thinking I'd met him too soon because I knew it was for life. But he was the right person at the slightly wrong time, and he was my first and only love. No regrets for either of us.

corythatwas Fri 23-Feb-18 23:36:33

Another woman here, don't care if I've missed something, I'm happy with my life as it is. Dh is a few years older me so it was not his first relationship.

Keepingupwiththejonesys Fri 23-Feb-18 23:36:34

Almost 27 & 37*

Saz1995 Fri 23-Feb-18 23:39:03

I was 17, my fiancée was 19, were now 22 and nearly 25 and still going strong x

falang Fri 23-Feb-18 23:39:18

I have quite a few friends who got together with their now husbands when they were in their teens and are still together now nearly 40 years later. As far as I know they don't feel that they've missed out

chrisrobin Fri 23-Feb-18 23:40:28

DH and I got together at 18 and 19 respectively, first relationship for both of us, no one night stands on either side. We're 20 years down the line and both as happy and loved-up as we were at the start, more so even. Neither of us feels like we missed out nor do we have any regrets about not being free and single (regrets about no longer being young though!)

LemonysSnicket Fri 23-Feb-18 23:49:24

DP and I got together at 18. It’s only been 5 yeArs and though we feel like we may have missed out we also couldn’t be without each other.
We’ve said that if it impacts our relationship in 5-15 years or so, then we’ll have a year of an open relationship on order to satisfy those urges.

elliejjtiny Fri 23-Feb-18 23:56:33

Been with dh since I was 19, now 35. Had a couple of boyfriends before, nothing longer than a couple of months though. I don't feel like I have missed out on anything, I consider myself very lucky because hopefully by the time one of us dies then we will have had 50-70 years together which is way more than a lot of people get. I sometimes worry that I will be a bit incapable if dh goes first though as I've never been a single grown up before or lived on my own.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Sat 24-Feb-18 00:11:30

I was 18 or 19 and DH was 24 when we got together. He'd had a serious relationship before me (they'd been engaged) but I'd just had fairly casual boyfriends. We're 51 and 55 now and I don't feel that I missed anything. We've had shaky times in the marriage and came close to getting divorced, but I don't think that had much to do with how young we got together, it was more to do with career/lifestyle changes in later life.

Historicallyinaccurate Sat 24-Feb-18 00:11:44

We’ve said that if it impacts our relationship in 5-15 years or so, then we’ll have a year of an open relationship on order to satisfy those urges.
Interesting idea lemony. Do you think you could rely on him to let you know as soon as that urge/interest developed though?

Upsidedownandinsideout Sat 24-Feb-18 00:15:49

We were both 18 and at uni, and are still together (and pregnant with DC#4 and FINAL!) at 34.

I'd not change anything because he is a huge pain but also a lovely man, and most importantly I can't imagine not knowing my children. However in an ideal world perhaps I would have met him a little later and left it a bit longer to get pregnant for the first time - not just because of dating and casual sex (though maybe just once or twice could have been interesting!), but on exploring the world together and enjoying our 20s as a couple before having children. However we come from a culture where none of this is the norm, so maybe even then, 20 year old me would have been too conservative to enjoy the freedom!

However over 16 years we have moved countries and travelled for work and each had periods of being home and being the main earner, which has made a difference in letting us each grow, and break free a bit from the very traditional roles we started falling into early in our marriage.

MMcanny Sat 24-Feb-18 00:20:13

Not that I know of. We got together at 20, 24 yrs ago (sob!) I felt I’d played the field enough even at that tender age. Never again! If this doesn’t work out I’m celibate. Doesn’t everyone have gonnorea now anyway? Shudder!

turtletum Sat 24-Feb-18 00:21:01

DH and I got together aged 20. I'd not had any serious relationships before this, just flings and flirtation. DH had had 2 previous relationships lasting 2 years each. Occasionally, around when we got married in our mid 20s he mentioned how he felt he'd missed out on playing the field. But he has also seen his sister and friends live the single lifestyle and have bad experiences, so if anything, has become happier with his choice over time. We're now mid 30s with 1 dc and very happy.

realwoodlogs Sat 24-Feb-18 00:24:39

I was 19, he was 26.

17 years later and 3 kids still never had that urge or sense of missing out.

mindutopia Sat 24-Feb-18 00:27:16

I think it comes down to personality, those with a wandering eye who tend to get bored probably do that even when they got with their partners later. I’m older than my dh and had a bit more experience but he was 21 when we met and had only really dateda few people before me. We’ve been together 10 years and have two dc. I’m sure he has moments when he thinks about a bit of novelty and misses the freedom of being single (even I do), but I’ve never had any worries he would ever truly think the grass would be greener. He loves me and is sensible and committed to me and I think rightly knows he’s not missing out on much, which is why we got married to begin with.

MyBonnieLiesOverTheOcean Sat 24-Feb-18 00:46:15

Been together 25 years - since I was 18 and he was 17. I had the itchy feet in my early 20s but never looked at another man since we married in our early 30s.

DH was a virgin when we met and I sometimes wonder if he will want to experiment more. I'd like to think that he would discuss it with me if he wanted to but somehow I think that is unlikely.

It's kind of like we've reached a plateau where all is good but we won't take risks. I'm happy with it. I'm pretty sure he is too.

user1486956786 Sat 24-Feb-18 03:32:21

I'm in my late 20s, in the past couple of years ive had crushes on other men and fantasies of sex with other men, my most recent crush could have become reality but I didn't let it.

I think it's given me the wake up call I needed to realise one night of satisfaction is nothing in comparison to the overall satisfaction and joy I get from my relationship.

So yes sometimes I'd love to be single and feel I miss out sometimes but perhaps only for a day or so, but you can't have it all!

DeliveredByKiki Sat 24-Feb-18 03:36:58

I was 21 and he was my shame I did play the field before he came, he'd had 3 significant relationships (2 of 2yrs+) so I think we were both probably ready for long term monogamy (been together 13yrs, married 12, 2 DC)

heron98 Sat 24-Feb-18 03:51:26

I was 29 when i met my DP but he was only 20. Been together ten years now.

I've asked him in the past if he feels he settled down too young but he says he has never felt that.

In any case, he has slept with far more people than me and got started with sex and relationships very young so perhaps that's why.

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