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He doesn't 'do love'! What does that mean?

(171 Posts)
Welshcakesareyum Fri 23-Feb-18 15:37:17

Been seeing a guy for about 3.5 months and up until last night, never made me 2nd guess how he feels about me. Its like the effort is wearing off. It seems all about sex. Maybe thats normal to begin woth? We were chatting about families and he has mentioned meeting his 3 children. I feel like it's a bit soon but thought I'd mention him meeting mine also in time. He pulled a face, like turned his nose up and said taking 5 kids out though. I thought that was a little strange as if we are eventually going to meet each others kids, yes we have 5 between us. Then we were discussing his kids step dad (who he has never met and quite bitter about), saying I'd rather him not be in their lives. I said, wouldn't you rather them be loved by more people. He can't love other people's kids. I was pretty shocked because, I had an awful experience with my step dad and have always thought (hoped) I'd meet someone that would love my kids too.
He also mentioned he doesn't do love.

pallisers Fri 23-Feb-18 15:39:01

He is not that into you. I'd move on and not waste any more time.

Contesse Fri 23-Feb-18 15:39:31

Oh just get rid of him. He sounds like drama with a side order of nasty.

Perendinate Fri 23-Feb-18 15:40:16

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Angelf1sh Fri 23-Feb-18 15:41:21

Does it matter what he means? It’s clearly not going anywhere. He’s shown little to know interest in meeting your kids, told you that he’ll never love them, will probably never love you and is being weirdly possessive about his ex having a new relationship despite the fact that he’s in a new relationship and suggesting you meet his kids. He sounds like a dick. I’d move on if I were you.

OutyMcOutface Fri 23-Feb-18 15:41:46

It means that he is a man child. Run.

Angelf1sh Fri 23-Feb-18 15:41:50

*little to no.

AdaColeman Fri 23-Feb-18 15:42:57

When they tell you who they really are, listen to them.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 23-Feb-18 15:44:42

Run for the fucking hills. Do you need a billboard to show you what kind of man he really is? He is telling you himself, so I hope you are wise enough to listen.

letsdolunch321 Fri 23-Feb-18 15:45:44

We have 7 kids & 5 grandkids between us, partners who love each other & see a long term relationship will do anything to be a happy unit.

What a load of old crap your dp is talking.

ALittleBitConfused1 Fri 23-Feb-18 15:47:08

Yeah I agree with prev posters. I think it's hard to love a child like you love your own. Iwith step children its not less it's just different, but that's not what he's saying.
He isn't emotionally available op so if you want a relationship you need to look elsewhere

AttilaTheMeerkat Fri 23-Feb-18 15:47:59

When someone tells you who they are, you would do well to listen.

You do not need all this after only 3.5 months, its too much angst and drama already with nasty to boot. Chuck this one back immediately into the dating pool, why would you be at all with someone who does not do love?.

Why are your boundaries so low here, I would further strengthen those.

Welshcakesareyum Fri 23-Feb-18 15:51:00

Can I just say. Up until last night O had no reason to question anything. He has been lovely. We talk about our children but obviously hadn't mentioned meeting each others until last night. Never mentioned love etc as it wasn't really appropriate.
I am a little in shock....

BertieBotts Fri 23-Feb-18 15:52:03

It means he doesn't want a serious relationship, just sex.

Grunkle Fri 23-Feb-18 15:55:07

It takes a long time for folk to show their true colours OP. He is just now starting to show his.

You didn't do anything wrong / miss any red flags - it's just that this is the time that the first red flags often start to gently wave in the distance.

He is very clearly telling you who he is. He's letting his guard down a little now - he expects you to accept anything he says, he's no longer on his best behavior.

Listen to him when he tells you what he is like.
Don't try to tell yourself you're ok with it. You aren't. You shouldn't be. You know what your children would be in for if you kept this up.

Ryder63 Fri 23-Feb-18 15:55:59

Its like the effort is wearing off. It seems all about sex

This! he seems to feel he's done enough "wooing" you, and is showing you what he's really about. Regular sex with no further effort required.

WizardOfToss Fri 23-Feb-18 15:56:43

It means he's a cock, and the effort of being nice in order to get sex has worn off.

Nothing to do with you at all -you deserve better for sure.

And I believe you can love children who aren't your own. DH adores my DD and she him.

NotSoSprightly Fri 23-Feb-18 15:58:10

* He sounds like drama with a side order of nasty.*

Perfectly put!

Just RUN RUN RUN OP. This man sounds like an emotionally stunted looney tune.

"I don't do love" is the type of thing a 15 year old boy would say to sound cool.

FWIW, my ex was PERFECT and I mean PERFECT for the first three months. Then his real colours started to show (abusing his animals, screaming at me etc.)

Just RUN!

Aprilshowerswontbelong Fri 23-Feb-18 15:59:50

He gave you enough waffle to keep you shagging him. He is not who you may think at all. Get rid.

gamerchick Fri 23-Feb-18 15:59:52

Well it sounds as if you have a choice. Just enjoy the sex and companionship for a while but don’t progress the relationship any further. That means no meeting any kids on either side.

Or cut your loses now and throw this one back.

midnightmisssuki Fri 23-Feb-18 15:59:55

Run - and fast. He's unfortunately not that into you and probably is using you for sex. Sorry. sad

actuallyithinkitdoes Fri 23-Feb-18 16:01:19

It means: he is a twat

lubeybooby Fri 23-Feb-18 16:01:34

Doesn't matter what he's been like before - he's just told you what he's about plain and simple

dingdongdigeridoo Fri 23-Feb-18 16:09:33

I wouldn't sink any more time into this relationship. He's done you a favour by showing this side of him. I think you're better off moving on.

Welshcakesareyum Fri 23-Feb-18 16:10:53

So disappointing! For the first time in 7 years I have felt like a mutual attraction. He has been the one suggesting lovely things to do, complimenting me. There has not been one red flag until now. Last night felt different and I knew i couldn't ignore it so posted here. I feel so disappointed sad

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