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Please help - are there any alternatives to Women's Aid?

(20 Posts)
BeauxReves Fri 23-Feb-18 13:46:54

I've been told I need to speak to them and have been calling at all times of day and night but can't ever get through.

FruitCider Fri 23-Feb-18 13:50:25

Have you left a voice mail? The do call back x

Hidingtonothing Fri 23-Feb-18 13:56:50

Hi OP, the national line can be really difficult to get through to but if you scroll down this page til you get to 'search by region or local authority' it will give you details of your local services. Their opening hours vary and few are 24hrs but you tend to have more luck getting through when they are open. Hope that helps and that you are ok flowers

Coolpineapple Fri 23-Feb-18 13:57:30

Yes there are other domestic abuse charities but it depends which area/county you are in. If it is safe for you to do so, google domestic abuse charities in ..... (wherever you live) and hopefully you find a list. I'm Wales we definitely have other DA charities.

Really hope you find the help you need, good luck OP x

FoofFighter Fri 23-Feb-18 13:57:48

Can you try your local council, they may have details of services local to you?


ALittleBitConfused1 Fri 23-Feb-18 14:56:39

Google dv in Essex. I got paper work from the police that listed them on but I lost it. My local centre came up I called them Andy got me an appointment that day. Most of the websites have numbers or emails on (If it's safe for you to receive an email) and they very rarely appear on your browser. The ones I visited also had a quick close function too.

BeauxReves Fri 23-Feb-18 15:38:19

Thank you. I finally got through and she was amazingly patient and helpful. But I'm heartbroken at what appears to be the reality of my situation.

horrayforharoldlloyd Fri 23-Feb-18 15:39:27

Would it help you to talk about it here?

BeauxReves Fri 23-Feb-18 16:02:39

Yes please, I just can't stop crying. I posted the other day about by boyfriend lying to me over and over etc and that I'm pregnant and don't know what to do.

I did some free counselling after that and was advised to call Women's Aid as he is emotionally abusive. I suspected it was getting close to being abusive but was hoping I would be told it wasn't all that bad and maybe he really could change but the lady I spoke to today said there was no doubt about it and described him as 'very abusive'.

I can't give too much detail as to why but basically it sounds like she very much agreed that the safest course of action for me and the baby is to have an abortion. She in no way was telling me what to do or giving her opinion but when I said it sounded like I needed to do that in order to protect the baby she said that made perfect sense to her that I would think that. If I don't he will always be in my life. Just like my abusive ex husband.

Even though I have been considering a termination for weeks, its still not something I want or ever thought I would have to do. But I'm depressed as result of his actions and the situation i am now in. And I don't see that improving any time soon whilst I'm in this situation.

I'm torn between wishing I wasn't pregnant and crying my eyes out because I have to end the pregnancy. Which I know makes no sense. We were supposed to get married and live happily ever after but that isn't possible. I very much doubt there would be any happily ever after.

Hidingtonothing Fri 23-Feb-18 16:06:54

I think I would do the same in your shoes OP, I know it will be incredibly hard but you need to be free of him from the sound of it. You need to be really kind to yourself though, come back here whenever you find yourself getting down and we will support you. Do you have friends/family to lean on in real life?

BewareOfDragons Fri 23-Feb-18 16:11:32

I'm so sorry, OP.

But I do think it's the right decision as well if you want him out of your life permanently. It's the only real way to cut ties completely.

Take care of yourself. x

BeauxReves Fri 23-Feb-18 16:16:48

Thank you.

My mum was being supportive but she called the night before I had to make the decision if I should go ahead with the termination i had booked. I tried to talk it through with her and she listened for a bit but then cut me off and said 'well good luck with that. Let me know what you decide'. I have a couple of friends who are being supportive as much as they can with everything they have going on in their own lives.

I just feel so sad. But I don't see any other way out. Never mind the fact that I'm not in a position financially to raise a baby alone.

Lovemusic33 Fri 23-Feb-18 16:37:37

So sorry your going through this but I agree, if you get a termination he will have no reason to stay in contact with you. Have the baby and he could fight for access and the child could be potentially abused and yourself put at risk.

BeauxReves Fri 23-Feb-18 16:42:49

Just struggling to accept that it's really that bad.

WellDoneTiger Fri 23-Feb-18 17:11:46

Well done for perservering with WA. It's a big thing.

I sort of knew years and years ago that there was something wrong with my relationship. I shoved it under the carpet. About 6 years ago I thought, I don't think this is me.

We went through years of marriage guidance, which at the time I thought sort of worked. It didn't change my husband's core behaviour.

I first made contact with WA about 3 years ago and decided that things weren't that bad really. Things came to a head last year when my daughter assaulted me. I went to WA, and reported my husband to the police. This time they investigated him. Now I am on the Freedom Programme and on the waiting list for trauma counselling through a Rape and Sexual assault centre.

It's a big thing to process and I didn't anticipate how rubbish I could feel. It's a new feeling. I thought I'd had it all!

Good luck with your journey. The future starts here!

BeauxReves Fri 23-Feb-18 17:19:27

Thank you, I’m trying to see the future as positive and exciting, but I have a few hurdles to cross before I get there.

I’ve been waiting to do the freedom programme for months. Really hope i get on it soon

WellDoneTiger Fri 23-Feb-18 18:42:23

I hope you you as well! It really is an eye-opener, and brilliant to be amongst women who understand. I bought the books years ago. It's interesting going through them now. Much better to have actual people than words on a page. It's a useful back-up now though.

LanaKanesTerfyVagina Fri 23-Feb-18 19:08:11

Hey @BeauxReves

I aborted a pregnancy because I knew I couldn't be tied to my abusive (now ex) partner.

Like you it was "planned" and "wanted" (these are in quotes because I worked out after I left that I had been coerced into wanting these things)

He was a complete cunt....abusive on so many levels. There is no way I could put a child through that level of abuse.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to.

But having that abortion was the best thing I could have done.

Just letting you know you are not alone. flowers now in a happy healthy relationship with a DS....and most importantly... no regrets.

Strength and love.

LanaKanesTerfyVagina Fri 23-Feb-18 19:10:00

Oh and definitely do the Freedom Programme.

I never realised how utterly shit my boundaries were until I did it.

Now I have zero tolerance for any abusive behaviour.

BeauxReves Fri 23-Feb-18 20:04:43

That’s so interesting to hear you say that you feel you were coerced into wanting a baby. That’s exactky how i feel but didn’t think it would make sense to anyone else.

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