I (33F) met R (27F) late last year while I was interning at her workplace. Her very religious workplace. It wasn’t love at first sight or anything. Actually I was crushing on another woman, A, who worked there. A is more of an in-your-face sort of attractive than R, but where R is the sweetest sweetie ever, A is kind of toxic...
Anyway. Once I found out the truth about A I sort of commiserated about it with R. Come to find out she’s so effing sweet about it, so kind... and now she knows I like girls.
A few weeks later I’m done with my internship and I screw my courage to the sticking place or whatever and I ask R if she wants to go get coffee with me sometime. Long story short she says yes. But the problem is this: because of the nature of her job she can’t come out, and even though my internship is over I’m still being called in to do work here and there so I’m seeing her all the time.
We start sneaking around. In my heart I know it’s not going to work out. She can’t come out, and I can’t go back in, so to speak. And I’m not the kind of person who is going to push her to come out if she’s not ready. So after a month or so we end things.
Two months have passed and I’m not coping. I miss her every day, and I realize that we only knew each other such a short time and were together for an even shorter time but she just... captivated me.
Then last week I got a call that they wanted me to do some ongoing work there, at least weekly, for the rest of the year. I can’t turn it down because the fact that they want me back is huge for my resume and career. But it means seeing R again.
Walk in the first day back and I see her and I just want to curl up on the floor and sob. She looks SO good, better than I remember even, and she’s just as sweet as ever.
We talk. It transpires that both of us are still feeling it, feeling it bad, but the fundamental problem hasn’t changed: she can’t come out.
So now I find myself seriously considering agreeing to be her secret, just because it would mean I get to be with her.
I’ve always said I’d never be anyone’s secret... but I think maybe R might be worth it. Am I just kidding myself?
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Still hung up on her... advice and commiseration please
14 replies
faithinthesound · 22/02/2018 05:33
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