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Leaving controlling and aggressive partner

(5 Posts)
Hope67 Wed 21-Feb-18 23:28:44

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to write on here as I need some support and have no one to really turn to. Please be kind.

My partner and I have been together since 6 years and are expecting our first child together anytime now as I am 38 weeks pregnant.

I think I have been sweeping things under the carpet for way too long and now really don't know how to proceed. I don't have family here as I immigrated from Europe. We live in a council flat that is rented in his name. They do not know that another person lives here. We were going to change that once our little son is here as he has also got a job lined up. I am currently on maternity leave, full pay until end of March whereafter it reduces to SMP which will then be my only income.

He can be a good partner, very thoughtful and is liked by everyone he ever encounters. He can however get so horrible and no one sees this side of him -only me. He swears at me, pushes me and just generally becomes very angry and aggressive. I also feel that he is controlling and likes everything to be done his way which really annoys me as I constantly have to do as he says.
I seem to annoy him with everything I do down to the way I am breathing at moment which I am unaware of - another thing he told me yesterday is that he HATES the way I am eating (whilst I was eating some cookies) I feel so horrible hearing these remarks .. I stopped eating and literally wanted to break out in tears. As this is not the first time he said something in that direction to me I ate my dinner at the other end of the room whilst he was napping on the couch. When he wakes up he said 'what are you doing over there? Oh yes you can't stand being next to me' and then goes onto 'you never loved me' etc. I just ignore this as it usually works and I come over and kiss him until there is another thing he can have a go at me for. I don't cuddle him on the sofa anymore either as a few minutes in I am 'taking up too much space' and 'am squashing him' upon he gets really frustrated and is literally at a point of starting another completely senseless argument with swearing etc. So I just keep my distance. However that is not ok either as I am then asked 'AM I ALRIGHT' but not because he generally wants to know but just to point out how I am in the wrong about how I am feeling and him just getting angry again. He threatens me and shouts and swears at me and no one ever gets to see that side of him. He is popular and loved by all his friends, the neighbours etc.

There were many threats that I should leave the house etc. Upon which I pack my bags (with no idea where to go) and want to leave but once i am ready to leave the house he won't let me go because he 'loves me so much' If I ever decide enough is enough and pack my bags I am stopped as I am doing so or told to leave straight away without nothing packed. I get pushed and shoved and I don't want this anymore. No one knows what our relationship is really like and all his friends say ohhhh you guys look so happy we are so happy for you etc. I don't know what to do so shortly before the birth and just wish I had my mum close by where I could just take all my things to and go. I have the pram here, Moses basket, baby's clothes ... Where can I go with all this stuff. I don't know what to say about where I lived if I'd need to go to the council as I cannot name his address as I am not 'officially' staying there. I just feel so stuck and cannot speak to anyone.

I don't want to be treated like this anymore and as much as we are looking forward to have our son and do have good days also it kills me to think what it's going to be like with our son in the picture.

What can I do in my situation... Please help sad

Mrstobe90 Wed 21-Feb-18 23:35:39

Pushing and shoving is physical violence and could cause your baby serious harm if you were to fall.

I'd contact women's aid and get some support from them. They'll be able to give advice on how to safely leave.

Please don't stay with this man. If he is like this with you, imagine how he will be with your child.

NewSingleMummy Wed 21-Feb-18 23:51:33

Contact woman's aid or talk to your midwife

Shoxfordian Thu 22-Feb-18 05:19:20

Yes call Women's Aid for advice

Do you have any of your own friends you could stay with?

dingodon Thu 22-Feb-18 07:04:22

Are you able to travel at all back to Europe? I don’t mean by plane but if where you come from is relatively “easy” to travel to can you go back to your parents? Subject of course to any advice of your doctor? Whatever you do don’t name him in the birth certificate and if possible move out.

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