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Pregnancy triggering mother issues

(8 Posts)
NameChangedForThisQ Wed 21-Feb-18 20:49:33

Thought I had got over the mother issues that blighted the 2/3 of my life. Have spent 10 or so years trying to heal and thought I'd done very well. Now I am pregnant and I feel devastated all over again that she's not the loving nurturing mother I dreamed of. I now cry about it possibly every other day, the seeming lack of interest in my pregnancy. I don't want to ask her for more help or support because she won't do it and I'm not sure I can face the rejection, feeling like I'm such an inconvenience.

I haven't daydreamed about an 'ideal family' for years but now am pregnant am finding myself doing so all over again. Kind mum and sisters who are interested in my pregnancy. Or just lots of family around. I don't know, I just feel like I want a 'real family' sad

weehedgehog Wed 21-Feb-18 21:29:47

but you will do - with your own child!

Have you thought about counselling to process your childhood and what's happened?

I found that a lot of things triggered memories I never thought I had, and it's good to talk it through with someone else.

Fwend Wed 21-Feb-18 21:37:46

thanks for you.

It wasn't until I had my DD that I realised quite how shit my Mother truly was.

You're not alone.

NameChangedForThisQ Wed 21-Feb-18 21:37:52

That's one thing I know Hedge this baby is going to be so loved and cherished.

I've had so much counseling that's why I feel like... Won't this wound ever go away? Maybe it won't until I've really created my family like you say

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 21-Feb-18 22:01:19


What the other respondents have written. Many people who have had toxic parents have felt similarly and these feelings often come into sharp effect again when they become parents themselves. You will ultimately need to grieve for the relationship you should have had rather than the one you actually got. I would certainly consider therapy as this can be helpful but you will need to find someone who has no familial bias about keeping families together despite the presence of mistreatment.

I would also suggest you read and or post on the "Well we took you to Stately Homes" thread on these Relationships pages as this could be helpful to you as well.

AttilaTheMeerkat Wed 21-Feb-18 22:02:15

I would also keep your family of origin well away from your child going forward as well. They were not good parents to you when growing up and such people never apologise nor accept any responsibility for their actions.

Eslteacher06 Wed 21-Feb-18 22:23:49

I completely understand what you are have been able to put those past hurts behind you in a way but really the scars are always there...unfortunately situations like this open the wound again.

When I told my mum I was pregnant, she laughed and said I will find out how hard it is to be a mum. It cut me deep and I was so upset. But in a way I now know what she means. Being a parent is bloody hard. I'm sure I will make mistakes (I know I already have!), but like you, I hope that my daughter will have a far better upbringing.

You are allowed to grieve and be open about that. I'm sure you will be a great mum smile

NameChangedForThisQ Thu 22-Feb-18 01:34:12

You've all made me feel so lovely tonight when I was feeling so crap, so thank you. flowers smile

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