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Expected to leave home and my partner

(93 Posts)
AmandaJ1995 Wed 21-Feb-18 01:14:03

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now and we are expecting our first child together, however social services became involved in September/October (I found out I was pregnant in August, already 2 months pregnant) I found out yesterday that I now need to leave my home (preferably with a family member or friend who can help me with my son as social worker requested) but I am due to give birth in just under 3 weeks and they are unsure if my son will be safe from harm if I bring him home as they say my boyfriend has unprodictable behaviour because he snapped once with the social worker... Is this fair?

MooseBeTimeForSnow Wed 21-Feb-18 01:19:43

So why did Social Services get involved?

Shoxfordian Wed 21-Feb-18 05:13:26

Snapped?
Was he violent towards you?

TheButterflyOfTheStorms Wed 21-Feb-18 05:36:26

Why was the SW there in the first place?

SavvyBlancBlonde Wed 21-Feb-18 05:50:39

in all seriousness, just do it. Don't muck around. I have a very good friend who is a SW and this is not something that they would take lightly. They have said this for a reason. Leave the house, or get him to leave for a while and take that time to prove to the SW that it was a one off snap at them. Although there would have been a reason for a SW to be there in the first place - I'm not saying that it was a sinister reason just that SW don't pop into visit everyone. They say it is because of his unpredictable behaviour - is he prone to sudden anger? Dos he suffer mentally with stress? Something has either been reported or has happened for your BF to be flagged on SW radar.

Meanwhile, just move out or let him move, just until it is sorted.

nooka Wed 21-Feb-18 06:00:38

It's not fair that you have to move out when it's your boyfriend that is considered to be a threat to your child. Why has he not said he would move out and taken steps to reassure your SS team like getting counseling or similar steps. Why were you originally referred to SS (I'm assuming the snapping happened whilst they were doing their assessment)?

flumpybear Wed 21-Feb-18 06:03:58

Sounds strange why were social services there?
Why would a grown man snap at social services?
More details please

CobraKai Wed 21-Feb-18 06:23:06

I think there's a lot more to this than you're saying.

ApacheEchidna Wed 21-Feb-18 06:41:51

Watch out - you are in danger of this getting worse.

This is not happening "because he snapped once with the social worker." - you are clearly minimising and excusing some dangerous behaviour. Social Services simply so not have time to get involved in situations where children are not genuinely at risk. If you cannot see the danger that SS can see, then you are also going to be a danger yourself as your judgement is not reliable.

Take this seriously. Do what SS say you need to. Put your child first.

Olicity17 Wed 21-Feb-18 06:54:49

Why were social services there?

I have had 2 children and was never visited by a social worker. Its not something that happens as standard.

There is also no way you are being forced to move because he snapped at the social worker. There is more to this and unless you face up to it, you wint get anywhere.

Quartz2208 Wed 21-Feb-18 07:28:48

If they think your son is in danger then of course it’s fair

I suspect there is a lot you are not saying but yes social services can do that and they can remove your children if you don’t follow what they ask

WillowWept Wed 21-Feb-18 07:30:31

If you want people to give advice you need to be honest about what has happened

HughLauriesStubble Wed 21-Feb-18 07:37:47

Agree with pp op I'm afraid. As don't get involved for no reason and they certainly don't make demands like this off the back of your partner snapping at a sw on one occasion.

Move, for the safety of your son and your unborn child.

AuntieStella Wed 21-Feb-18 07:43:06

Presumably, you are the one who has to move because you are living in his place at the moment? Or has he refused to move out?

SW would not be telling you that he is unsafe round DC to the extent that you need to live separately unless there were extremely serious underlying concerns. I can easily see why you might not want to post about them, even though that limits considerably what we can usefully say.

mumofplenty1 Wed 21-Feb-18 07:43:42

I had social services involved. At the time my husband had to move out of the family home until they done an assessment on him. Fast forward a few months. Me and kids ended up in a refuge in a total different area hundreds of miles away and had to really prove that I could protect my children from future harm. You have to decide what path you walk down, a path with your partner or a path with your child. At the time I thought social services was poking there nose in, now I couldn't thank them enough smile

NaiceBiscuits Wed 21-Feb-18 07:48:39

OP - Either social services know something about him that you don't, or the midwife/doctor/some other relevant person has reported a serious concern about him.

They do not tell you to do this unless they are absolutely serious.

Ask yourself whether you're willing to lose your child? You need not just to move out, but to break up with your partner, and ask the social worker whether you should refuse to let him see the child.

Is there more to this that you haven't said? Has he lashed out at you or others before? Does he do drugs, or is he an alcoholic? Has he been arrested for violence? Have you asked the police to check whether he's safe to be around children?

What actually happened in front of social services? Did he get mouthy? Angry? Did he stand up and get in their face?

Bluntness100 Wed 21-Feb-18 07:48:56

Is there maybe some parts of this story missing? Why did they become involved in thr first place, what do you define as snapped.

They clearly feel your child will not be safe. As such I suggest you do as requested.

Notallthat Wed 21-Feb-18 07:57:48

Did SS tell you the reason? Or is that his side of things?
There is definitely more to this, if he has previous children it may be something to do with them. If SS are unable to tell you it may be worth putting in a Sarahs law and a Clares law request at your local police station. Do exactly what SS advise you to do, they are doing it for your childs safety and they need to know you take the risk seriously too.

SparklyMagpie Wed 21-Feb-18 08:01:02

So there's more to this story then

Is he the reason they were involved in the first place?

k2p2k2tog Wed 21-Feb-18 08:04:18

I think there's a lot more to this than you're saying

Of course there is. But OP will be back saying what a lovely chap he is, wouldn't hurt a fly, the SS referral was malicious, they're out to get her, out to split them up, just want her baby to meet their adoption targets etc etc etc.

expatinscotland Wed 21-Feb-18 08:04:18

Well, if your boyfriend owns the home they can't exactly tell him to leave. Your boyfriend is violent. You need to get away from him.

blueskyinmarch Wed 21-Feb-18 08:06:51

I am a social worker and have been 'snapped' at countless times by clients. I never asked and mother's to leave with their children because of this - i understand that our presence often makes people anxious and snappy. I get the feeling you are minimising some fairly serious violent behaviour from your partner. Why were SS involved in the first place?

My advice is to do as you have been advised. If they don' think you can prioritise your child and keep him safe then they will have to act and remove him from your care and i feel certain you want to avoid that. Have you got family you can go and stay with?

MatildaTheCat Wed 21-Feb-18 08:11:29

A boyfriend who cannot hold it together for even the duration of a SW visit has very low boundaries indeed. A person losing their temper during a visit is considered (or was in my career working with vulnerable pregnant women) to be very high risk.

However, we need more info to comment. If your baby is due imminently you really do need to act. There is a high chance SS won’t want you to go back there with a newborn and if you don’t take steps now to address that they might start making arrangements for your baby.

But there is no need for that. Do as they ask.

expatinscotland Wed 21-Feb-18 08:13:58

'Have you got family you can go and stay with?'

What do people expect a person to do if they don't have anyone they can stay with? I'm truly amazed in 2018 that this is trotted out so often.

GnotherGnu Wed 21-Feb-18 08:15:44

Why can't your boyfriend leave the house? Does he not accept that it would be better for his child to be able to come back there with you, at least till he manages to satisfy the SW that he doesn't present any danger?

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