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How bad is this?

(13 Posts)
whattodowhattodonow Tue 20-Feb-18 13:56:08

I recently met someone, have been on several dates, got intimate emotionally and physically but not yet had full sex (sorry for TMI).

We haven’t had the exclusive talk yet and I know that his ex girlfriend is still around, and wanting to get back together with him. He says it is 100% over but that he is open to continuing a friendship with her.

I was a bit put off by this and so cooled it. Kept it light and let him know I was still interested but went on dates with other men meanwhile.

Last night I met up with an old FWB and, one thing led to another.

Today I am racked with guilt. Should I come clean with this guy I’m seeing?

hellsbellsmelons Tue 20-Feb-18 13:58:01

Why would you?
You aren't exclusive.
You haven't even had full sex yet.
What you do while he is not there is none of his business.
If it was unprotected sex and you are planning on sleeping with the new man soon, then get checked out.
Other than that, what do you think of this new man?
If you wanted to cool it then he can't be that great - can he?

whattodowhattodonow Tue 20-Feb-18 14:00:06

When I say I cooled it l, I mean I pulled back a bit because I wasn’t sure if it really was over with him and his ex.

whattodowhattodonow Tue 20-Feb-18 14:00:29

He is a great guy.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Tue 20-Feb-18 14:08:36

Should I come clean with this guy I’m seeing?

No. There's nothing to come clean about, you've already said you're not exclusive.

whattodowhattodonow Tue 20-Feb-18 14:33:51

Ok, maybe I’m overthinking it. I think it’s because I’d be pretty pissed off if he’d slept with his ex so I’m feeling bad that I did exactly that!

midnightmisssuki Tue 20-Feb-18 14:46:56

youre not exclusive so nothing to tell him - also, if he did sleep with his ex you cant really get angry either, because, well - youre not exclusive.

whattodowhattodonow Tue 20-Feb-18 15:08:35

You are all right! Thank you for giving my head a wobble. It’s been a while since Ive been in the dating game, and really liked someone, so I think I’m a bit rusty about how it goes!

Justmuddlingalong Tue 20-Feb-18 15:14:14

The exclusivity talk might never happen, so don't put your life on hold. Carry on dating.

whattodowhattodonow Tue 20-Feb-18 15:18:42

Yeah, that’s true. I think my Catholic upbringing is kicking in a bit here! grin

Angelf1sh Tue 20-Feb-18 16:23:49

Maybe you should have the exclusivity talk if that’s what you want, but as pps say neither you nor he has done anything wrong.

whattodowhattodonow Tue 20-Feb-18 16:33:09


I’m not even sure if I do want to have the exclusivity talk if I’m honest.

I was in a LTR until a year ago. Got together quickly, lasted over a decade and found myself single for the first time in such a long time that I’ve forgotten what the early stages of a relationship are!

Anonagain2017 Tue 20-Feb-18 16:33:35

I agree, say nothing. Have that talk though so you know where you stand going forward.

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