18 and pregnant, boyfriend left me and family disowned me

[jhyugtf]

found i was pregnant today. 5 weeks.
been with this guy , who is 20, for 2 years now. we are long distance. or were i guess.
he still lives with his mum and sister and his dad passed away just over a year ago.
we skyped and he told me he didn't want it, he said that i should get an abortion. I told him i personally did not want an abortion but he kept pushing it and pushing it and said he was going to tell his mother about my pregnancy, i knew she wouldn't be happy about it, but i did not expect anything like this.
I should start by saying, i have very little to no family or support network, only my mother, so it was important to me to have his family supporting me at this time even if it wasnt the choice they would have made. He skypes me once he has been done talking to her.
I ask what she said, he said, "she thinks you need to get rid of it"
he then goes on to tell me he doesn't want a future with me, and doesnt see one, he isn't in love with me and breaks up with me and says he wants nothing to do with the baby.

I told my mother about this, who then rang his mother, who, and i kid you not, was under the impression that we were using contraception and the "condom split", even though that was NOT what happened
at all. she told my mother that i was trying to "trap" him, and trying to "ruin" his life, and i was "stupid" if i didn't have an abortion, and that they had enough to deal with without all of this.
They seemed to encourage and pander to the idea that it was all my fault and not his, that i was the one to blame and that he was right to have nothing to do with the baby, and that i should have "thought about having safe sex" if i didn't want to have an abortion.
I take full responsibility for what i did as I know that i hold accountability, but I am very scared, i am 18 years old, no family, no boyfriend. Just me and this thing growing.
I dont know what to do now. I feel like my reasons for not wanting an abortion are in some way invalid even though it is my body and my choice. I just, i see the changes my body is going through, i feel the changes, and i know its because a life is starting to grow inside me, even though it is painful i think is beautiful and i just, i could not live with myself knowing i had put that to an end.
I do not know what to do now.
I feel like i have lost everything.

[ReverseGiraffe]

Whatever you choose to do, it's your choice and nobody else's. My family "disowned" me when I was pregnant too. It lasted all of about 4 months and now they absolutely adore my DD. Don't let anyone bully you either way.

[TokenGinger]

Do not abort your baby if that is not what you want to do. Yes, you are young, but that does not mean you cannot make a fantastic mother.

Your mother will come round to the idea. And if she doesn’t, then I’m not sure that’s the kind of mother you’d want around anyway. She’s probably scared, wondering what’s going to happen to her child’s life from becoming a mother so soon, but you can do it. She will soon get her head around it.

Don’t worry about the boyfriend again. He is a waste of space and his mother is a nasty piece of work.

Surround yourself with supportive friends ❤️

[Worldsworstcook]

Pet, if you feel you can't live with an abortion don't do it. Never allow someone to mess with your mental health!

You are in a position hundreds of thousands of girls have found themselves in before. It's not the end of the world. Don't be pressured to do something you don't want to do by someone who wants to bury his head in the sand and ditch you with no thought for your predicament.

I would recommend you go for advice and maybe counselling before you go any further. 5 weeks is very early in pregnancy terms. Consider where you are, how you will support yourself and the LO and whether you are prepared to make the sacrifices ahead of you. Many people do this with no family support, it's very hard particularly at the start but not impossible.

You have not lost everything at all. You've lost a shitty unsupportive boyfriend who turned tail and showed his yellow belly as he flees as far away as possible and leaves this momentous decision up to his mum.
You maybe have blown your situation up a little (lost everything comment) while romantasising the development of your baby.

Is your mum proving supportive?

[AlecTrevelyan006]

Don’t panic and don’t be hard on yourself - life doesn’t always go according to plan. Do what is right for you.

[AdoraBell]

No, your reasons for not wanting an abortion are not invalid.

I haven’t experienced what you are going through, but I do know that when SIL was pregnant FIL was in tears because the shame, because he is an utter areshole, and she was disowned. That all changed once the baby was born.

As reverse said, don’t let any of them bully or manipulate you into doing anything.

[windchimesabotage]

If you dont want to abort your baby then do not do it. Go to your GP get a midwife and take the support they offer you. They will be able to point you in the direction of other people who can help you. You have not lost everything at all and in the long run it may be best that that 'man' showed you his true colours early on in deserting his child.
You sound strong and intelligent. If you want to do this then you CAN do it. It will be hard but there will be people that can help you even if your family dont. Take any help that is offered you and speak openly to your midwives about your situation and feelings.

[EllaEllaE]

god I feel so angry on your behalf, that all these people who are meant to love and care for you are being so selfish. The point is, it is your choice: not your mum's, not his, not his mum's. It took two of you to get pregnant but now you are, only you get to decide if you have an abortion or not, because you are the one who is potentially going to give over her body to grow a whole new human being! That's a huge deal if you want to do it, they don't get to tell you not to!

Ps: You're not the first young woman to go through this, and although it might be hard, that doesn't mean your life is over or ruined or you can't be a wonderful mum. There are many, many examples of wonderful mums on this board who have had their babies young, and who were single parents.

[ferando81]

"It took two of you to get pregnant and he's equally responsible"
The problem with that is that he can run away and you have a very difficult choice ,either have an abortion and possibly ruin your mental health or keep the child and have to do everything yourself .
I really think that schools should tell young women that if they don't use contraception that in all likelihood they will be left holding the baby.

[BarbarianMum]

If you want the baby, have the baby. It is totally your choice. I am assuming that, as you weren't using contraception, you were quite up for a baby anyway and were hoping he was too. Sorry it's not worked out like that. He will have to contribute financially.

[TeachesOfPeaches]

Your life will be incredibly tough as a young single mother with no support. You need to think carefully about where you will live, how will you provide financially for your child, who will provide you with emotional support?