I'm my own worst enemy aghhh

DollyWally · 2018-02-19 10:07:12

Hi mums. I really need some advice. I have been with my partner almost 3 years, we both have a son each, and we live an hour apart which will soon change as my son and I are moving to his town later this year and we are buying a house together. We have both been married before, with scars from that, but both have been divorced about 7-8 years. We have discussed marriage many times and both say how we want to and talk about how we'd like the day to be. The problem is, all this talk and it's still not happening (the engagement) even though he got my ring size about a year ago and makes hints like calling me his future wife and playing with my ring finger whilst smiling. He has booked a surprise trip for us this weekend abroad and says it's somewhere very romantic, for my birthday, valentines and our 3 year anniversary. Being the absolute twat I am, (I live on my nerves) I have got myself into a right state about if this is going to be it or not, and made myself and anxious mess. He has told me before can we please not discuss it anymore as it does not give him the room to do it off his own back without me thinking he is only doing it because I nagged. He says he cannot wait to do it but it won't be off the back of a conversation about it. Then what do I do last night, I bring it up, he gets defensive and it becomes quite obvious to me that he is planning it on our weekend away, and he says every time this happens I just set it back further. He was very sweet about it and understanding as I felt so humiliated and angry at myself and was in tears. I feel like I have sabotaged my own happiness AGAIN (it's a trait of mine because of a traumatic childhood!) and totally screwed everything up for this weekend for him and myself. I feel so sad and also so humiliated that I now look like a sad desperate woman, even though he assured me he doesn't see me that way. He has asked can we please be happy and look forward, and not discuss it ANY more. Do you think I have totally screwed things up? I appreciate any advice. I know it's not the biggest problem to have but I am feeling so damn stupid and disappointed this morning and very tearful. 😓

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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The OP's really concerned that she's shared too much personal information on this thread. She's deregistered her account now and won't be returning. We're therefore going to take this down now.