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Do I stay or go...

(8 Posts)
mawkitmidden Mon 19-Feb-18 05:18:50

I'm a 38 year old female in a relationship with a 39 year old male of 1 year and desperately need advice confused

We met a year ago on P.O.F and everything was going great until I found something that broke my heart. I found he had cheated with another woman at the start of our relationship, was messaging her and others up to the end of last year and he then admitted to having strong feelings for a 'friend' for the majority of our relationship. He has a 6 year old daughter with brain damage that I've bonded with and love very much. I've no children of my own and he has just stated that he will not have any due to the possibility of a second child with the same condition.

I'm devastated and feel as if everything I thought I had, or could have had is gone. And feel as if it's too late for me. Do I stay and try and rebuild or do I go and try and rebuild my broken life and heart.

Any help appreciated!

CobraKai Mon 19-Feb-18 05:28:16

You've only been with him a year. Move on.

Canwejustrelaxnow Mon 19-Feb-18 05:52:32

I agree, it's only a year. You'll get over it. He's a complete wanker. He's not taking you seriously or showing you any respect. Why are you so grateful for these crumbs? Are you not worth more? Where did your self esteem go? Be kinder to yourself and think more of yourself. This bloke is a complete loser. Who does he think he is? All these women on the go? Embarrassing.

waterSpider Mon 19-Feb-18 06:11:43

What are the odds of a second child with brain damage? Is it in any way a genetic condition? If not, more excuse than reason

'Cheating at start of relationship' - for me would be less worrisome, depending on how you define the start of the relationship and when you think exclusivity kicked in, than 'having strong feelings for a 'friend' for the majority of our relationship'.

mawkitmidden Mon 19-Feb-18 06:17:14

They are part of the 100,000 genomes project and have been tested results can take years, they don't know if genetic yet.

And I agree, at the start I can understand why, it's the strong feelings for a friend that he has had for years (she isn't interested at all) that was the kicker.

PringlesPirate Mon 19-Feb-18 06:26:57

He cheated and was messaging multiple women until the end of 2017.

Let that sink in OP.

There’s also the possibility you would like children of your own. Unless you know otherwise, your time doesn’t need to be up and you don’t need to settle because you don’t think you’ll get any better.

Shoxfordian Mon 19-Feb-18 06:37:20

He's cheated on you and he doesn't want the same things as you. This really shouldn't be a difficult decision....

CobraKai Mon 19-Feb-18 06:48:23

You met him a year ago and he was messaging other women till 3 months ago and has told you he's got feelings for someone else.

I really don't understand what the dilemma is here. Ditch him. Find someone who actually cares about you.

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