I split with my ex a while ago. About a month ago things came to an explosive head concerning our house, children etc. Ex took the kids and refused to let me see them, speak to them etc, as well as enlisting the help of friends to paint me as an abuser when in fact, the relationship had become toxic on both sides due to the fact it was failing. It is all sorting now however, some of the things I have had to read and hear about myself have had a massive effect on me.
I have struggled with an eating disorder and struggle to leave the house. I have gone four months before without setting foot outside.
Just before this happened my best friend of twenty years and I started a fitness class. The first night I didn't want to go. I seriously considered cancelling. But she said she didn't want to as she felt self concious. I sucked it up, dragged her there, cheered her on and encouraged her. She is naturally a lot better at the activity than me. She was incredibly pleased I talked her into still going and has been loving it. We've gone together every week and it was one of the positive I was trying to take forward in my life.
Fast forward to Tuesday. One of the most awful rumours I've ever heard about me came to light (off the back of ex enlisting friends to smear me, altho he did defend me and say this absolutely never happened) . People in the town are saying I attacked my son and broke his ribs. This is not true and the incident (there was a specific incident at a specific place I'm meant to have done this) was very public, there were even police walking by us, my son threw a tantrum and I simply fell over with him. There were no injuries. It was on cctv too.
Its still not nice. I needed my friend. I rang her all weekend. She ignored me despite being online. It got to Tuesday. By this point I felt really shit. She answered a "are you alive" message with "yeah I'm good" then nothing.
I got ready for class as I assume we'd be going. Still no answer. Boyfriend eventually picks up and says she'd gone already.
I really didn't feel able to leave the house alone and was rather upset that she'd blown me off. I then found a comment on fb where she told our instructor she'd ask me if I were coming (instructor asks weekly who's coming). This comment was before the "are you alive" message.
I know I shouldn't have. But I was so hurt. I commented and said I was hurt, that I was upset she'd lied when she clearly had no intention of asking as she'd had plenty of chance. She could've given the instructor my mobile number to ring. I feel like she went out of her way to make sure I didn't go. My body confidence is genuinely zero. I'm so skinny and flat and I kills me seeing the other beautiful women there. I just wanted my best friend.
She told me to grow up and that I'm a grown ass woman who can walk there herself. I know I am. But I had really needed to talk to one of the only two people I trust right now. And she's also a grown ass woman who needed her friend to even go in the first place. So that's a bit rich.
When she left her ex I did so much for her. I don't expect any of this in return, but to be basically ripped into for wanting a twenty minute chat with my friend and a couple of hours practising our new hobby (which I was enjoying and was doing well at too even if I don't look as graceful). I used to buy her flowers, shoes, expensive candles and jewelry. I've taken her kids for days on end when she was dating. If her ex said anything bad I was straight there. I helped her with money, items etc. I'm a qualified nail tech and I've done her nails religiously and never charged her a penny. All to make her feel good.
I feel like now she's got her fella and the life she wanted, she doesn't care.
She huffily shoved some letters I left at her house through my door and told me I can play like that with others not with her and she's done.
I feel so conflicted. I feel sad losing my only friend, but I also feel she's taken my thunder in "being done with it". I feel like I should be angry. I know I probably should've said something more privately but then, if she'd not lied to the instructor I wouldn't have had anything to comment on. I was considering begging forgiveness but telling my mum and writing it here makes me feel more justified in just moving on. Would you have been hurt by this? Is it normal for Friendships to go one sided?
Thinking about other incidents over the last couple of years.
One night I'd spent all night doing her nails. I had no money at all. She gave me bus fair. Turned out the late bus was double. I went back to her house to see if I could get a lift or a couple of extra quid to get the next bus. She was having sex so left me to walk 3.5 miles home alone carrying all my nail equipment. It took me hours. I weighed 40kg at the time (anorexic).
This seems petty, but the time she wouldn't let me try her new make up brushes. Which would be fair enough for most people, but when I've let her use thousands of pounds of professional nail equipment, even without my supervision despite the fact she'd not qualified or insured, so I'm fucked if shed cured the lot, and she tells me I'm not good enough to try out a fifteen quid brush it's a bit of a kick in the teeth.
The most she's done recently is withdraw money of mine I had paid into her bank as my ex got mine closed. And I gave her twenty quid a time for withdrawing it for me.
Am I wrong here? Do I just move on? I'm really struggling here more so than I did ending the relationship with the father of my kids.
I have very little self worth. I've recently met someone (not a serious or exclusive relationship) but he has been supportive for genuine reasons and it's making me think maybe I am worth a bit more as a friend.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Am I wrong here? Was a stand in boyfriend?
PrimalLady · 18/02/2018 17:23
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.