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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How to stop estranged relatives contacting us?

36 replies

PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 15:53

Me and dh have abusive estranged relatives. They send weird unwanted cards and we’re scared they will up at our house. We have a small child and need to protect his welfare. What’s the best course of action?

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Report

PositiveVibes18 · 17/02/2018 15:59

Don't open the door to anyone you're not expecting. Phone the police if they are really that bad and turn up. Get a restraining order.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 17/02/2018 16:01

Agree with PP suggestion. Have you also considered marking the cards "return to sender not known at this address" to make them think you've moved?

PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:04

If we mark them not at this address they’ll come over to check and look for our car and pear in the windows etc.

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:04

peer*

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:05

Dh is worried as for instance if we’ve been out somewhere they can turn up and wait for us to come home and make a scene.

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UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 17/02/2018 16:06

Blimey. Ok so take it they live near by.
I would speak to the police about this.
Have they tried to get into your home?

PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:06

I don’t know how easy injunctions/restraining ordered are to get against relatives for emotional psychological childhood abuse? I’ve heard they’re a nightmare and unless you’re beaten black and blue you don’t stand a chance.

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OutyMcOutface · 17/02/2018 16:06

Can you change your car? That way you can mark as return to sender and keep the front curtains closed so that they see the new car and think that you have moved.

PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:06

orders *

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:06

We can’t change our car for another two years unfortunately

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:07

We can’t keep curtains closed forever as wouldn’t know when they were likely to spring up.

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:09

UserThenLotsOfNumbers They don’t live around the corner but near enough to drive over and pass this way when and if they need to. We also go to some of the same places they do to and dh is worried about bumping into them.

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:10

we avoid most of the place they go but at same time we have to live our lives too.

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:10

/s*

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UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 17/02/2018 16:10

If you haven't already, then start compiling evidence.
Get a camera outside your house.
Definitely talk to the police and get advice.
Hard to say without more details, but this might come under stalking/harassment.

PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:11

They wouldn’t try and break in, they’re not physical. They’re emotionally abusive and very manipulative.

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UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 17/02/2018 16:12

What sort of stuff do they do?

PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:13

Thanks, I guess we could call 111 and see what they say. dh wrote them a letter to tell them why they’re estranged and telling them no contact is wanted. This angered them and now we’re scared they’re going to come over and contact us

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:14

UserThenLotsOfNumbers They won’t accept that they’re estranged and dh doesn’t want anything to do with them over childhood abuse. They get angry and force unpleasant communication on us. We have a young child an cannot have they affecting him.

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:15

them*

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:17

They are very unpleasant people who play the victims and continue to berate and emotionally abuse/scold my poor husband even as an adult.

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:18

I just want to get something put in place so they can’t just turn up and can’t can’t Mail is or our son cards or letters.

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PasstheStarmix · 17/02/2018 16:18

us*

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UserThenLotsOfNumbers · 17/02/2018 16:19

I'm very sorry to hear that, that must be very difficult for you all.
Are they threatening you? If they are then this gives more weight to a restraining order.
This page might be useful to you -

www.cityoflondon.police.uk/advice-and-support/protecting-you-and-your-family/Pages/stalking-and-harassment.aspx

Thingsdogetbetter · 17/02/2018 16:24

If anyone starts peering in your window then call police! How are you supposed to know who it is? Trespass and harassment at the very least. Not legal regardless of being blood relations. Get a formal legal letter sent, saying any further contact will be seen as unwanted and therefore harassment and the police will be involved. Then send all correspondence back, if they come round call the police. Treat them exactly like you would strangers!

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