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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Lying poffer?

15 replies

Ryder63 · 16/02/2018 20:05

Ok so the man I'm seeing says he has deleted the pof app from his phone since we've been dating (we met on pof) but I had a look from my 'hidden' account (spidey senses) and he appears to be online. I know pof is notorious for members appearing to be online when they are not - but is it possible to appear to be online if the app is deleted from your phone? Total tech twat here!

OP posts:

Report

NotTheFordType · 16/02/2018 20:20

Here's how to find out.

Buy another smartphone (02 have the alcatel Pixi for about £30)
Install POF, create an account with a memorable username (checkingoutmycheatingbf perhaps?)
Delete the app from your new phone
Search your fake account from your real account.

Points to note:
Deleting an app off your phone does not delete your account. You might as well say you've "deleted mumsnet" because you've removed the bookmark from your favourites.
If you want to delete your POF account, you have to actually log in and go through several steps.
If you don't go through those several steps, they will continue spamming your email til kingdom come.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 16/02/2018 23:06

Yeah deleting the app doesn't mean he is no longer on it, I have a profile on pod but I never use the app.i hate it and dont go on there enough to use it. I just sign in through Google it remembers my username and I then just enter my password.
As far as I'm aware when you have the app it will show your online if in a Wi-Fi area. But if he doesn't have the app I would assume he's signing in manually (through a search engine)

Ryder63 · 17/02/2018 07:21

Ha! thank you both I've decided to end it. No point in the "is he, isn't he" train of thought. I asked him to delete his account altogether, he refused, saying "I don't have the app now, I can't look"

I've unhidden my account - not looking for a while, but just to show him I'm out there now again too!

OP posts:

ALittleBitConfused1 · 17/02/2018 11:27

Finally someone with some sense. Well done for having a boundary and sticking to it. Who needs the drama. It's meant to be all hearts and romance not is he isn't he.
Good luck with your fishing.

userxx · 17/02/2018 11:36

Well done Ryder, who can be arsed with it now those doubts have crept in. If it's right it's meant to just flow.

Ryder63 · 18/02/2018 09:18

Thank you ALittleBit and user I know I've done the right thing for me by ending it. No more stressing, and of course the knowledge that if he cared he'd have deleted his account immediately he new it was causing me doubts.

Now I 'd like opinions please - neither of us has blocked the other on Whatsapp (our main form of communication) and I'm wondering if I should leave it open or block him? Would blocking him show him I'm having a strop and "punishing" him - and leaving it open show I don't even think about it? Hope I've been clear enough explaining here!

OP posts:

Changedname3456 · 18/02/2018 09:28

Why are you bothered what he thinks if you’ve ended it? And why do you think he’ll even take the time to think that through (the WhatsApp blocking/not blocking)?

Just block and move on.

Ryder63 · 18/02/2018 09:45

Haha you're probably right, changedname - I think I'm overthinking!

OP posts:

userxx · 18/02/2018 10:22

I personally wouldn't block, just ignore and move on with your life.

MozzchopsThirty · 18/02/2018 10:34

I've had 2 recent disasters with POF
I just can't face it anymore, it's full of players and liars

Ryder63 · 18/02/2018 10:40

Thank you user my gut feeling is to leave as is. I know it's unimportant, but I want to retain all the dignity I can. Ending a relationship for whatever reason is never easy, is it? I'll stop checking to see if he's blocked me , and just leave it. There is someone else on my Whatsapp who I stopped communicating with ages ago - still 'open' but that person doesn't contact me - I've just checked and I'm not blocked there either. It feels more dignified to leave it open, somehow!

OP posts:

Ryder63 · 18/02/2018 10:41

mozzchops yep. Cheaters, liars and sweetshop mentality. I think my ex has the latter.

OP posts:

ALittleBitConfused1 · 18/02/2018 10:55

It all depends how strong your will power is because I've found from past experience with men like this that they usually pop up and message again a few weeks down the line.
I'm pretty good at ignoring people though so I tend not to block unless they become too persistent (annoying)
I do delete the conversation though it stops them appearing on your WA message list (unless they message again) so stops the obsessive looking to see if they're online or blocked you. Problem solved.

Ryder63 · 18/02/2018 11:03

ALittlebit yep I've deleted the convo. Quite cathartic! I'll deal with any future messages as and when. Be interesting to see if you're right and he pops up in a few weeks!

OP posts:

Chocolate123 · 18/02/2018 11:13

I usually do as you've done and delete the conversation. I only block if they are being a pain and keep messaging

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