I am in a terrible terrible mess and it is all my own fault.
This is long sorry.
Before I post please can I say that anything nasty or mean you say to me I have said to myself and it is not why I am here
I have been married for 21 years to a kind and gentle but emotionally distant man. I know he loves me but he does not find it easy to be vulnerable and show it in some ways. I am very warm and physically affectionate and he is not or not consistently meaning I often would feel lonely. Sex was also always on his terms and less than I wanted.
30 years ago I had an 18 month relationship with who I thought was ‘the one’ . Yes I was very young 22 and he was even younger (19). Anyway after a very very passionate relationship he went off to drama school and decided to leave me. I was heartbroken and never forgot him and never trusted that sort of passion again.
2 years ago and out of the blue an email arrived saying he had seen me at my sons football training. We started emailing agreed to meet ( I told my husband about this first meeting) blah blah yes we started an affair.
From the beginning he told me he always loved me but buried the feelings deep he wants us to be together we are twin souls. He left his wife and now lives on his own.
I did not ask him to do this by the way
I feel somehow enchanted by him and that I lose my reason ....
I have told my husband I want to get divorced but he cannot believe it and says we have always had a lovely and sweet relationship
Eventually he found out and now I am in an awful impasse.
The om said he does not want to put pressure on me but his moving out made its own guilt and pressure. His constant emailing showering of love and gifts etc have made me stupid.
My husband seems to just want to carry on as if nothing has happened and that I’m the end I will ‘cone Back to him’.
Over and over every day I change my mind about what to do. What will cause the least harm.
I have two lovely children aged 13 and 9 and I cannot bear the thought of hurting them. I have already hurt them by being distant from their father and sleeping separately from him.
I think I have now got to the point of knowing that I cannot do this. It is wrong, I have been deluded Abd stupid.
But I am now scared to tell the om who has changed his life for me and will be devastated
This email sounds so stupid.
I don’t think people would believe this of me.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
How can I have been so stupid
Fuzzywig1 · 16/02/2018 08:40
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.