DH's ex's behavior

[MysBliss]

Hi, I have N/C in case someone recognises me.

DH has stayed friends with a few exes. Most of them are ok, apart from one that I do not like. She has been quite disrespectful to me (in a way that goes over DH's head and it seems to me that she has tried to maintain an emotional connection to my DH still! They were texting quite a bit and I think to her he is "the one that got away". Hence why she has been a bit bitchy towards me. I let him know that I think she's bad news and eventually he began having less contact. They don't see each other now as she moved away.

She is also married but has been having problems/is unhappy, DH says. Anyway she's on Instagram as is my DH and myself. Her husband is not on it, he doesn't have a profile and she has never posted any photos of him the entire time she's been on the site (about 5 years) and she posts a lot of photos. Given the issues we've had with her before, DH had stopped texting her some time ago. I also noticed a few weeks back that he's stopped following her on Instagram. This seemed to have come from nowhere, we've not spoken about her recently and I haven't mentioned the unfollowing so I don't know why he did it. She is still following him but she didn't post anything over a month after he removed her from his page, and she's a regular poster. But suddenly she's back on it posting lots of photos of herself and even a few of the husband! I was quite surprised at this because previously it's like he didn't exist. And suddenly there she is smiling beside her husband. It seems like an act to me.

I wondered if she is still texting my husband and he's hiding it and this sudden appearance of her looking couply with her DH is to try and throw me off the scent? I told a friend and she said perhaps the ex is trying to make my DH jealous by flaunting the pics of her looking happy with her husband. What do you think? I will bring it up with DH at some point, I'm just wondering what she's playing at.

[fannythrobbing]

If he's unfollowed her he can't see anything she's posted, her posts won't appear in his feed. If she's still following him she can see what he posts so maybe it actually is all it appears to be, he's taken a step back and she's living her life? There could be any number of reasons she has posted pics of her husband, or taken a month's break from posting...
Would it be possible to just speak to him and ask? Do you have any reason to not trust him?

[Coolaschmoola]

In all honesty you sound MASSIVELY over invested and as though you are over thinking things. Why are you giving her this much headroom?

[Totallyfugly]

You are stalking her and you sound scary

[stolemyusername]

You need to stop stalking his exes.

[hadthesnip]

Exactly what @Totallyfugly & @stolemyusername said. You are reading way too much into all this crap. Social media has a lot to answer for. Turn it all off & get on with your life.

[Haffiana]

FFS it isn't all about you. Your thought patterns are not normal.

[MysBliss]

Well he's lied about her before. So I'm a little suspicious. Maybe I am a little obsessive but it's hard to forget things. As I said it's just this one woman who bothers me. I've met one of his other exes and she was lovely, respectful and kind. This woman is manipulative. It was like an emotional affair they were having.

Also she had the audacity to say those things to me and I just ignored her. Part of me wishes I'd told her to fuck off. It irks me that she hurt me with what she said.

[Totallyfugly]

Mysbliss - so he was having an affair with her? An EA? Sounds like your anger is misdirected at her rather than him, he’s the one who cheated on you. Sounds like you really don’t trust him. It must be hell being this anxious and paranoid about him. Leave him and find someone you trust.

[MysBliss]

WEll, there was no sex or romantic talk in their messages. But they were very close. He was telling her private stuff about me and our relationship, telling her things before me and almost prioritising her feelings ove r mine in a way. I don't think he realised how inappropriate it was. And she just let him, like she was a shoulder to cry on. He said afterwards that he shouldn't have done that, I don't think he realised how big a deal it was to me. I guess a lot of guys think affairs are only physical.

Sorry I'm a bit drunk.

[Chippyway]

Omg OP. Give up.

You sound obsessed. You’re worrying about her behaviour when really it’s YOUR OWN behaviour you should be looking at

[dirtybadger]

I think youre being paranoid. Which is understanable, but you need to take a step back. You cant control her behaviour. DH has stopped following her. He isnt interested. Good. As long as he knows how you feel, and respects that, youre good.

It isnt really his exes fault if she was responsing to texts from him like a 'shoulder to cry on'. Maybe her DP doesnt mind? If so shes doing nothing wrong, and would see it as supporting a friend. So this is all on your DH, not her

[SandyY2K]

Too much Instagram stalking and it seems childish to me.

Your mistake was hanging around when he discussed your private business with her and prioritised her feelings over yours.

That's when you should have bowed out. Ignoring red flags only comes back to bite you on the ass.

Your DP discussed those things freely and willingly with her. Yet you want to out all the blame on her. I'm not doubting she's anything you've said she is...but your man allows it.

Personally I couldn't be dealing with a guy who maintains contact with all his Exes...that's just me though.

[Winteriscoming18]

Who stays friends with ALL his exs? You sound massively over invested and insecure so what if she’s just posting pics of her and her dh.

[Regularsizedrudy]

Er why don’t you ask him?

[Florallee]

He's put that seed of doubt in your head. Stop watering it. It's self-destructive.

I've been there. I got paranoid, obsessed, just like you are being. I had to walk away in the end. Hope you get things sorted .

[MyKingdomForBrie]

and she let him ooooh what a bitch..

Seriously I don’t think this is a thing. I think you’re over thinking.

[TheNaze73]

You sound obsessed OP.

You’re not being fair to your DP or yourself, maybe seek some professional help.

He could have continued to be with her if he wanted but, he’s chosen you. Don’t forget that & don’t drive him away with your stalky, needy & weird behaviour. It’s not a good character trait.

[MysBliss]

Ok, thanks everyone for talking sense into me. I think I needed to hear that.

Her H doesn't know and would not be happy. He doesn't like my DH. I have things to think about and work on. Less social media would be a start.

[TriHard27]

You are overthinking but it's understandable in the circumstances. I'm not the kind of person who could easily move past that sort of thing either. But if you've chosen to stay with him then staying away from her social
media and not torturing yourself with these thoughts is a must. You'll drive yourself nuts and ruin the relationship you're trying to build with him. Don't give anyone that kind of power over you, if you can't get past it then you'll have to leave him as this isn't fair on anyone.

[Gemini69]

I don't think your obsessive atall... you're protective of your marriage..... your marriage and your relationship is important to you...

I hear you... you're trying to understand 'why now' ... when he's never disconnected with the Ex before.. even when she was being spiteful and nasty about you... why disconnect now.. so I think you're correct.. something changed ...

whether you want to open that door with you Husband.. is a decision only you can make